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"You know what, she's my ex-girlfriend... oh scratch that, we never break up though. I told you.. she's mine from the start!"
In a blink of an eye, the roles exchanged. That's when you saw Mingyu's expression turned dark and suddenly he pushed Wonwoo to the ground.
"STOP IT !" You found yourself shouting when Mingyu about to punch Wonwoo straight in the jaw.
All of them turned to look at you, awestricken. Wonwoo and Mingyu abruptly stopped after they heard your voice. The boys immediately breaking them far from each other. Their eyes were holding a baffled and sad gazes.
"Haeun-ah... just tell me that he's lying. You're not his girlfriend, right?" Mingyu spoke up, his brown eyes desperately met yours.
As if he was telling you to give the answer he wanted. But unfortunately, you couldn't give him that.
"Haeun, what Wonwoo hyung's talking about? What does he mean by you're his ex-girlfriend?" Seungkwan asked hesitantly as he held onto your arm in concern.
You just send a glance to Seungkwan, not bother to answer him.
Without wasting any time, you approached Wonwoo, and swiftly slapped his cheek. The atmosphere turned into an eerie silence as everyone looked at you in surprise and disbelief.
Wonwoo slowly turned around to face you, and you saw a glimpse of pain clouded in his eyes.
"You can't do that Wonwoo."
Amidst of everything that overwhelmed feelings you felt about there was no way to face your past love again, on top of your sudden change of heart, you knew it had to be settle and all of the questions in the boys' head needed to be answered.
Because I just felt like I was running out of time...
"What did I do? I'm telling the truth. Hae.. I thought you'd love to see me again.." Wonwoo began softly, as he looked into your eyes with a painful longing. "I know I was wrong because I didn't tell you everything.."
Your eyes finally met him and the determination on your face was intriguing him. You shook your head.
"No, you can't just come and say things like that out of jealousy. It's been three years since we were not seeing each other. YOU SHOULDN'T COME AND GO AS YOU WISH LIKE THIS!"
Wonwoo was taken aback by your honesty. No, actually whole people in the hallway did. You spoke out the the truth he tried to push away. Come and go as he wish. He knew it was true but admitting it was the last thing he wanted to do.
"Hae, do you think it was easy for me? You don't think I tried to tell you the truth? Don't be like this. I know you are glad to meet me again.."
It somehow triggered your sense back eventhough his action right now was tearing you down. It was only bringing your jerk and cold attitude to show again. One that you wanted to get away from.
Your jaw tightened while your hands turned into fists. You took in a deep breath before exhaling. "You kept secrets from me first, you lied to me and left just like that."
You closed your eyes shut and a curved of smirk formed on your lips, tilting your head to the side."Why are you fucking blaming me, Jeon Wonwoo?"
At that moment, the boys saw your gaze changed. You were fuming. It strangely felt unfamiliar. Probably because its been awhile since they saw that gaze in your eyes.
"Haeun, calm down..." Hoshi reminded, feeling heavy in his heart.
Wonwoo's eyes was shaking. He was taken aback by your words as you saw a glimpse of hurt flickered across his eyes.
When you felt a strong tug feeling in your heart, you knew you started falling for this. So, you immediately looked away from his gaze, because you knew, if you hold onto it longer, you would break down again.
"Haeun-ah..." Wonwoo pleaded, but you stepped back.
His teary eyes were showing he wanted to fight for you, but he couldn't. Because he knew he had hurt you enough.
"So, it's true Haeun?"
Mingyu finally voiced out, his tone dripping with visible anger. You were suddenly caught off guard when Mingyu held onto your both arms.
"Yah," Hoshi being protective as he pushed Mingyu off you.
You felt your heart clenched at seeing his eyes slowly darkened over his hair. You were surprised by his distinct attitude, that for a moment, he looked like he was disappointed on you.
And there was no doubt he did. Mingyu was caught in between you and Wonwoo.
And as if the fate was trying to help you again, you heard the annoucement through the speaker, calling for the athletes to get ready on the track.
"Go, and make your father proud, " You spoke to Mingyu instead of answering him.
Hesitantly, you scanned around to face the boys and they had confusion expression plastered on their face because everything happened so fast, so it didn't come out clear to others.
It hurted you so much to see them like that.
You slowly let out a bitter smile. This shitty day was only make your heart empty and cold again. Just like that, the warmth inside you had completely crumbled.
And before you realized, the bittersweer feeling you felt slowly triggered the depressed side of yours. The sense of betrayal you felt at that moment forced you stop being emotional and remained intact.
You rubbed off all your tears away and gathered all your sense back.
"I'm sorry for ruining the day.. but what to do, I'm a bitch and you guys know that. Just do your best in the race.. don't make me more miserable to feel guilty over the lose."
You warned sternly while holding your tears from falling down. Because you knew how this situation would effect their performance later.
With that, you gave them one last look of misery before you turned around and made you way out from the hall.
----------------------------------
HAEUN POV:
It's midnight when I actually came home after the incident because that moment I just wanted to disappear from the life, from everyone, from reality and from myself. My mind seemed not to absorb the situation very well yet, I kept denying the truth, so I just followed my footsteps to everywhere I could go.
Reaching the door, the sight of Jaehun teared me apart even more. He was waiting on the couch. I just kept a straight face while passing the living room towards the stairs.
"Haeun-ah! Haeun, please hear me out. Haeun!" Jaehun rushed as soon as he saw me, he caught my hand but only to get yanked away.
He was being persistant as he grabbed my hand again even I jerked him away few times.
"Haeun, where did you go? I'm wor-"
"Don't talk to me." I demand coldly, not even eyeing him.
"You can blame at me, but please listen to me..."
"Uncle.. I'm tired.." I felt so pain that I didn't know what to feel about. Gathering the energy left inside me, I turned around to confront him.
"I'm emotionally tired!! I'm really sorry for acting like this and annoyed you but if you try to explain everything, I don't think I can process it. I'm so done with the lies, I feel like a stupid for trusting people again, for believing that I have people by my side, infact the person that make me to belief again is the one who lied to me." I bursted out in a low tone and the tears already welled up in my eyes.
I couldn't believe the fact that my uncle knew about Wonwoo's real identity, yet he kept it from me all along.
"Haeun-ah..." Jaehun gave me the guilty look, that I always wondered the reason behind it. But now, I understood.
He tried to approach me closer, but I quickly stepped back from him.
"Why did you do this to me? You knew all along but why you didn't tell me about Jeon Wonwoo? Why???!!!" I shouted at him angrily as I felt more tears flowing down my cheeks.
"Haeun-"
"Even you did this to me why?!! You know how much I wanted to meet Wonwoo.. you know how much this will effect me uncle! I believe you! Why do have to keep this from me, uncle? "
I just messily spilled out the emotion that had been bottling up inside me since the morning. I looked at him with much disappointment, sadness and betrayal.
"I did this to make you happy Kim Haeun!"
His words triggered you. "Happy? I don't need your lies to make me happy!"
"Haeun, okay you can hate me, but not Wonwoo.."
"How many times do you plan on lying and breaking my trust on you? You and Wonwoo are all the same! Liars!"
I said for one last time as I looked at him with much disdain and finally walked out of him.
That night, deception filled my mind. I was back into the vicious self, where I wanted to be alone all the time and had doubt with the word of happiness and trust. I should had learnt my lesson from the past.
I was mad at myself for believing it could work, for believing I could pull off the friendship and relationship with my family as if living a new life.
I was very disappointed. I knew I shouldn't give myself a chance and hope for something worthless. One that I couldn't blame anyone but me, myself.
I always look at you, Wonwoo. I even can see the side of you that you don't know..
Why...
Why I can't recognize you when you're so close to me...
That piece of information registered in my brain. This was not how I really felt, or to be exact, I wasn't sure what I was feeling. Angry? Relief? Confused? Scared?Hatred? I didn't know.
What should I do?
The saying that time was medicine was really true for me. As the days passed by with Mingyu, Hoshi, Seungkwan, Dokyeom, Minghao, Hansol and, Wonwoo...before he revealed himself. I really did get better. But sometimes when I was too happy I was afraid I would be in pain again. And this was the prove.
I hurted to the point where I could hurt no more, but the pain wouldn't go away.
The thought of Jaehun, caused a huge of discomfort in my heart. I truly loved him as he always understood me better than anyone else, he knew my past better after Wonwoo. He was like my second father as my biological father didn't even treat me right.
But why? What had gone wrong with my life?
-------------------------------------
After few days..
WARNING! DO NOT FOLLOW THE ACTION
I picked up the pack, opened it, and took out a cigarette before placed it between my lips.
I brought the lighter near the end of cigarette and lighted it up, dragging in an initiating puff to light up the cigarette properly. I played with lighter, flickering it repeatedly as I puffed out a cloud of smoke.
Something snapped in me as I exhaled cigarette smoke. The weight of everything been burdening me so much and I couldn't help but be overwhelmed.
Looking up the dark sky, a tears unexpectedly rolled down on my cheeks which I quickly wiped it off.
The tears couldn't stop, as a silent sob wracked through my body. I was tired. I haven't had a good sleep in days and everything was such a mess right now. My emotions were out of control.
~flashback~
There was a silence as we just stared into each other, until I asked him with the expression dropped from my face. At that moment, for some unknown reason, I just wanted to end all of this.
"What did you say?"
"I said Somin was telling the truth... you lied to me about your feeling. You just used me to get over Wonwoo, right. You still not move on from him. How could you-"
"Now, you're telling me, you believe that Somin girl... more than me, Kim Mingyu?" My voice cracked, as suddenly I felt my heart was heavy and I was suffocated inside.
"Why not? In this situation , how could I don't trust her?!" Mingyu moved closer, and I saw how his eyes darkened and his brows furrowed.
"I know everything seems odd ever since Wonwoo joined us played futsal last time. You weirdly became so close to him."
I was speechless on my spot. I frowned and observed his expression but it just broke my heart even more. He looked like he already lost his trust on me.
"Mingyu...why are you suddenly acting like this..it wasn't true.. Wonwoo's just in the past. You have to believe that." I said, so seriously and beggingly with my eyes burned into his dark brown one.
I didn't want to loose him. I didn't have anyone to depend on right now besides Hoshi.
"Gyu-ya.. I've told you everything.."
Slowly, I held his hand. I tried to look at him but he was avoiding my eyes as he rolled his eyes. The hand I was holding, he pulled it away, immediately I missed the warmthness of his hand.
"Tell me, Haeun... the reason you opened your heart so easily to Wonwoo is because he remind you to the boy you loved three years ago. "He said quietly as his eyes pierced into mine looking for real answer.
I was appalled by his assertion as I stared back at him in utter speechless. He continued waiting and looking into me, hoping I would just voice out the answer.
"And the fact he is the same person, how many times you hurt yourself as you spend time with him?" Mingyu asked again. His tone became darker.
Did I.. really do that?
Before I knew, I questioned myself as those words repeating in my brain. Instead, I knew I crushed his hope down when I gazed up to look at him. My eyes silently wavered in hesitation and reluctance.
"Your feeling.. wasn't real then." He blurted out bitterly as he couldn' stand the look I was giving him.
I slowly dropped my head as I felt my heart clenched at hearing his words. I thought I would get some comforts from him after what had happened to me.
But, I wouldn't blame him entirely because I understood that he,
felt disappointed and pained too.
My eyes stung as the tears threatened to come out. He was the whole reason why I started to open the door in my heart, that melt down the ice and made me surrender to accept the boys sincerely in my life. To live a normal youth life surrounded my friends.
"I'm sorry, Mingyu... I didn't mean to hurt you.. it might be sometimes that memories of Wonwoo attacked me, I admit. He will always have a special place in my heart and I couldn't ignore that." I confessed as I slowly looked at him in the eye.
I saw his taken aback in his spot, probably because instead of seeing guilty in my eyes, he only witnessed sincerity.
We just stared into each other in silence. Mingyu refused to give in, yet I left his gaze and looked down.
"I love you, Mingyu. I really mean it." I whispered, taking a step back.
"I.. I.. I thought I can lean on you because it's hard like hell right now... I feel like dying.." I clutched my chest in agony. My legs felt wobbly and the tears finally trickled down my cheeks helplessly.
I felt so betrayed, so incredibly disappointed and so mad that I couldn't seem to react properly anymore.
"How foolish I am to think that way.." My voice was low and shaky.
Mingyu looked at me but suddenly I didn't notice the anger in his eyes anymore. For some reason, it was an inexplicable expression and difficult to identify. His dark brown eyes were shaded with some unfathomable emotion.
I didn't care less, yet this time I could feel my body began to tremble.
"It's fine if you don't trust me anymore. For one last time, I just want you to know that my feeling for you is real and you are the first person I feel deep affection for, after three years living like nobody in this world."
"Haeun, I -"
"I'm sick of this life. Let's end it all, Kim Mingyu."
~end~
There's a sound of footsteps coming towards where I sat. I looked away, quickly wiping trace of tears on my face and Hoshi beamed, a smile on his cute face.
"I know you'll be here, at Hangang park."
But his smile not last long as he noticed the cigarrete between my fingers and the smell of its smoke almost choke him up.
He snatched the ciggarrete and threw it away. "Ya Kim Haeun! Who give you this?!"
I just looked at him blankly before letting out a scoff to him.
"Dino was with me just now." I showed him the cigarette pack.
Hoshi gritted his teeth and put his hands on his waist. "That jerk! I told you not to get so close with Dino. I will make him pay for this. How dare he teach-"
"I've smoke before Soonyoung. It's not a big deal." I cut him off and then notice his inquisitive gaze. He sighed heavedly before sat beside me.
I could feel that Hoshi observed me for a few second before sighing again. He immediately understood that I wasn't doing fine.
"Seriously, don't be like this.. stop ruining yourself, I'm here and care about you, Haeun-ah..." The soft plead in his voice unexpectedly broke me again. I looked away as it pushed something in me, craving out my soft spot.
My face contorted as I tried to hold my tears from rolling down but Hoshi hugged me so tightly and that's when I lost my mind. As much as I wanted to act hard-hearted, at this moment, nothing could stop me as I slowly wrapped my arms around Hoshi. I cried so hard in his embraced as he kept rubbing my back to calm me down.
"Soonyoung-ah... why can't I be happy like everyone else? Why did I have to face this Soonyoung.. I tried my best, I really did. It was a feeling I've dreamt before to have friends and family. But why...I don't know what to do..I feel so hopeless.. I just wanted to live peacefully with the people I loved.."
I whispered those words out painfully as my voice choked into sobs. When I pulled away and looked up at him, to only see that he was crying too.
"Haeun, don't cry. It's gonna be alright, everything will be alright. You'll feel that again, happiness of frienship and family... and I'm so sorry for not able to protect you.."
Hoshi pulled me again into hug and rubbed my back gently. My shoulders quivered violently as I continued pouring out my welled up emotions in his embrace.
Since I had not known all the reason behind this yet, I couldn't help but felt even painful. It felt
like a needle carved out my heart.
When Hoshi heard that I was trying to recompose myself, he pulled away and wiped my tears away.
"I will kill Wonwoo and Jaehun for making you like this." Hoshi declared, staring into me with determination on his face.
I appreciated his effort to comfort me, and when I did, we just ended up bursting into a small laughter as our face turned red because of too much embarrasement.
"Now I know, Kwon Hoshi. You're are my brother for a reason." I muttered sincerely.
He had always saying he wanted a sister and he never failed to prove it to me, seeing his over-protective side to defend me as a brother.
Hoshi slowly let out a smile, "of course, Haneni."
AUTHOR POV:
"Wanna go to school tomorrow with me? Mr Kang has been searching for you. He told me we gonna get the exam result tomorrow. Aren't you excited? Let's see how the bet going, Haeun." Hoshi suggested cheerfully, walking beside you.
"Tch, just forget about it. I won't make it anyway." You shook your head and shoved your hands into the pockets.
Both of you were feeling hungry after the crying moment just now then decided to go to a chinese restaurant to eat dinner.
"Yah, that's absurd! You study your ass-off for that. We should expect a good result out of it, don't you think?" Hoshi protested before did his usual aegyo tone to convince you. He slung his arm around your shoulder.
You softened at his aegyo.
"Expectation always hurt." You muttered, looking down. "You better not expect anything from an airhead like me."
"That's true. You an airhead."
You tilted your head at the voice suddenly echoed from a distance. You turned your head to the front quickly as you and Hoshi halted. The familiar handsome faces of the four boys, all beaming at you with wide smiles, standing only a few metres away from you. And turned out the voice was belong to Dokyeom. Your looked at them with rounded eyes in surprise.
"Wha-"
"I called them up. The more the merrier, right guys." Hoshi sent you a meaningful look before went up to Dokyeom and did a high five.
They planned it.
"Tch, how dare you to run away from the event just like that? I was about to show you my cool side, aish." Minghao complained and pout like a little kid.
"Cool? Yah, you almost get the second place." Dokyeom snickered jokingly causing Minghao to lightly choke him as he offended.
You couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at their usual dorkness. Deep in your heart, you were glad enough that the boys understood the situation and being the mood lifter of you. And you remembered what Hoshi said last time, that you were clingy with them. You admitted to it.
After a moment, you just realized that they was wearing the gifts you gave them. A soft smile formed on your lips, you inwardly thanked them, appreciating the way they would always want to show they adored you as a close friend.
"Haeun, come on. I'm hungry!" Seungkwan grumbled, pulling you back into reality. Realizing that, you glared at him and he was playful enough to stick out his tongue at you.
"What are you doing standing like a statue there? Come here, palli!" Hansol urged you by pulling your arm.
"Arrasseo.." You mumbled.
It was when all of you were started to have the dinner deliciously that without knowing you felt incomplete as you were searching the sight of another two particular boys. Wonwoo and Mingyu. Even the thought of Wonwoo only gave you the sense of pain, you still ponder the explanation from him.
But mostly, you were missing Mingyu presence. It was torturing that you had to stop yourself from asking the other boys.
"We've listened the truth, Haeun." Hansol confessed. You looked up to him and just pursed your lips as Hoshi had cleared everything to them.
"It's still hard for me to understand that Wonwoo hyung did that. He lied to every one of us." Dokyeom added with a frown.
Seungkwan nodded a little agressively while handing you the bowl of jjajjangmyeon. "And Mrs Jeon too.. I thought she was the calm style. Woahhh did you see how she slapped Haeun?! Just seeing that I knew how painful it was."
"Is is funny?" You huffed at Seungkwan.
"She's lucky that I'm not at the scene. Geez," Hoshi shook his head consecutively as he was digging in his food deliciously.
"Tch, what you gonna do if you were there, hyung? You gonna slap her back?" Hansol asked him as he was enjoying the steamy seafood jjampong.
That's when you saw Hoshi was giving you a serious look. "If she deserve a slap, I will."
You widened your eyes in surprise because of his answer while Seungkwan, Hansol, Dokyeom and Minghao bursted into a laughter.
"You're crazy Hoshi, just like me!" You exclaimed proudly, doing a high-five with him and he wiggled his brows.
"Yah hyung. No matter what Mr Jeon is an elder, we need to respect her." Seungkwan laughed and Hoshi shrugged.
It made you quickly thought of Mrs Jeon on that day. To be honest, comparing the vicious slap you got, her nasty and spiteful comments about you was more heartbreaking and did left a scars inside you. Even after a few years, the way she treated you never changed and you would never understand why.
Minghao suddenly sighed and you looked at him. "That's the case.. so Haeun, if things are though, don't just keep it to yourself..you can just talk everything to us. We're here for you." His eyes penetrated into yours, shining with genuine.
"He's right. You helped me dealing with the swindler last time and even got hit by the man because of my cowardness, plus you used to cheer Minghao up when he was down." Dokyeom added, the precious moment you had spent together.
For a moment, you were mute. Because the words coming out from Dokyeom and Minghao somehow set out the anxious feeling inside your heart.
Thank you for always encourage me with the warming words, and it healed even more to learn that you guys found me helpful..
"It's quite impossible for us to leave you in pain, Haeun. You have your own way showing your kindness and some people might not get it." Seunkwan said and you noticed Hoshi beamed you a knowing look.
You couldn't be more happy for them. And because you knew the stubborn tears would come out anytime if this continues, you felt yourself look down with a faint smile before let out a smirk.
"Do you want to see me cry here and show you my damn ugly face again?" You were smart enough to cut the moment with that question.
It turned the mood 100 percent from seriousness to a sudden cheerfulness.
From a concern expression, now all of them had the blank looks on their faces. It somehow funny to you as you couldn't help to let out a laugh by their spontaneity.
"Look at this rascal, never fail to be mean." Seungkwan scoffed in disbelief. "I'll take my words back!"
"Yaa, you can't do that! Believe or not, I'll treasure all of you, always!" You patted his head and sent a grin before messing up Seungkwan's hair.
He dropped his jaw at what you just did. Knowing the nagging Seungkwan would appear, Hoshi immediately put up his glass, asking for a toast and eventually everyone grabbed theirs and cheered.
"Anyway, have you guys told Mingyu hyung about this dinner? Isn't he supposed to be with Haeun at times like this?"Hansol suddenly asked in wonder as you felt his eyes were looking at you.
Everyone turned silence and looked at Hoshi then you.
"I don't think he would come even I call him up." Hoshi said, his expression painted with a slight annoyance.
"Why?" Minghao blinked his eyes.
While, you only realized except Hoshi, you didn't fill the boys in about the broken relationship.
Huffing out a heavy breath, "We decided to take our own path now, and I know Mingyu deserves someone better, trusty one."
Your tone was slightly sarcastic, as if it didn't effect you. But, strangely after you spoke those words, a heavy feeling started to cloud again in your heart. It was almost hurtful and draining your energy.
The boys went silent as they took some time to react as they could clearly saw you tried hard to mask your emotion away.
"Um.. okay! Let's stop talking about that. Aaah, I'm about to get an upset stomach." Dokyeom said to change the topic.
"I know right," You paused to look at Hansol meaningfully who started the topic. Instinctively, he cleared his throats and avoided your gaze which made you chuckled.
"No big deal, Hansol-ah. I planned to tell you guys about this though." You told him and in no time Hansol feigned a sulk.
Thirty minutes later, laughters and no-ending energy filled up your night as all of you left to the nearby arcade to have some fun that would release the stress in each of you.
For a few days of having a mental breakdown, not surrounding with their noisy voices, not being teased by them and not getting triggered by their sarcastic jokes.
Indeed, this moment was what you needed to forget about the pain you've been suffered.
Eventhough tomorrow was supposed to be a school day, all of you decided to not care about it. You had so much fun with them for the rest of the night and even went to watch late night movie because Hansol said he wanted to watch the new Wonder Women. It ended up until midnight when you and your friends coming back home.
A/N: I'm back after a month of hiatus. I've received many encouragement words from all of you to update The Cold Star during my hectic schedules. And I appreciate that some of you really love this story but I'd more thankful if you leave a word to tell how you guys feel and you're with me :)))
New update next week (hopefully) lets pray together.
- so it was a roller coaster of emotion in this chapter, but you can see how Haeun handled her emotion a bit more mature ( i think) ; went to hang out with her friends and didn't push people away
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So let me know about your comment
And votes!!! ❤
Borahea! Seranghae! Stay safe💎