A/N:
So I was planning to do something else with this chapter, but I decided to separate into two chapters.
Enjoy Phoebe and Harry content, also what should their ship name be?
*HARRY'S POV*
She made me my favorite for dinner. She always does, but now it seems as if it has a bigger meaning.
I don't know why, it just does.
The taco meat smells and tastes better.
The lettuce just seems to be more healthy.
The cheese tastes more tasty.
And she feels more like home.
P has always been my home, but it's amplified, like the home inside her heart grew ten more times, leaving extra room for me with the already existing room. And I've never been more thankful.
Thankful for the room she's given me in her mind and heart, the pain she's relieved just for me, the food she's cooked just for my stomach to survive. The books she recommends me to read, god, they're so beautiful. Thankful for her letting me take more pride and joy in nature, the little things like colors and textures.
Everything. She makes me more thankful for everything, her too.
I've never met someone who I'm this invested and interested in, she's not just the definition of a quick fuck to me.
Phoebe isn't even a definition to me, she's just... her. It's a silly and corny thing to say, but it's not a lie. I'm not lying when I say how much I appreciate her, how meaningful her presence is to me.
If I wouldn't have come that day, January 23rd, in 8th grade, she could be gone. She could not be here right now, and that's the scariest fucking thing in the world. Losing her would mean I would lose my mind, I'd go insane and I'm not ready for that day.
I hope that day doesn't come, but no one stays forever. That's what I've always been taught, but Phoebe's just... she's different.
Even just thinking about her leaving in any shape, way, or form makes me want to crawl into a ball and die.
But she's promised forever, and we don't break promises, us two. We don't, we never have.
I try to act so strong for her, for everyone. But in reality, I'm everything but.
At least that's what my dad always used to say.
"How do they taste?" P asked before taking a bite of her own hard shell taco, knowing we both hate soft shells.
"Fantastic." I said muffled, covering my mouth as I talked, taking another bit right after the last.
We've never eaten this late, it's 8:30pm, we stayed at the beach all day, it was the best night here so far, besides karaoke.
P and I finished eating by ourselves, everyone else ordered stuff while on the beach so we didn't make them any. More for ourselves.
I know we were both exhausted, so I insisted that I give P a good night of relaxation. Also, I notice she's been super anxious lately, and I wanna help. I don't know if there is a right way to help, but I'm gonna try in ways I know how.
Walking to the door of my room, I knock just in case she's changing or anything. After knocking, she answered the door, PJ's on and all.
She's the most beautiful fucking human I've ever seen. Everything has led me back to this beautiful human. I'm so humbled that I get to come home to her everyday, no matter where we are in the world, whether it be FaceTime or face to face, she's home and forever will be.
I notice I'm still standing in the doorway after she opened it, admiring every piece, every inch, every curve, and every scar. She fake coughed, grabbing my attention as I finally walked through the door.
"You alright, curly?" She asked, immediately wrapping her arms around my neck, my hands attached to her hips. It was accidental, it was like my hands were magnetic, telling themselves to shift to her waist, no warning.
"Just admiring the most beautiful woman in the world... I'd say I'm perfectly fine." I whispered, planting a kiss to her forehead.
Her forehead is so close to her lips, I wish I could kiss those instead.
"I'd say you're pretty fuckin' insane to say that." She laughed at me, but my whole mood turned into sadness. I wish she could see how beautiful she is, I really do. I grabbed a hold of her face very lightly with my own palms, massaging her cheeks delicately with my cold and tender thumbs.
"Please, look at me..." I said sternly, only because right when she said that, she knew I'd have something to correct her on. So, she looked to the ground, but I prefer otherwise. "Please quit putting yourself down, please.." I tried to let the sob stay in my throat, but I failed, letting a few tears drop out of my eyes quickly. "I know it's easier said than done, I know. But, you're beautiful to me, and you'll never be anything less. It's okay to have insecurities and imperfections you don't like, everyone does. But calling yourself ugly, cause I know that's what you were doing, it's not okay.. at all." I asserted, getting my point across without her interruptions because I know she'll try and shit on my words, saying they're not true. But the thing is, they are.
"Okay." She said plainly, but not walking away. She's finally chosen to leave my words as they are, believing them for just a second.
"Okay." I added.
"Can I have a hug?" She asked, but that's the furthest thing from a question.
"What kind of question was that, of course, bug." I gave her the nickname which I know is her all time favorite besides P, I only use it when I feel the moment needs it.
I know it's downright silly, but that's just how it works in my crazy brain.
"I love that nickname... Makes me feel safe." She said muffled, nuzzling herself into my neck as she spoke out.
"I know... It's your all time favorite." I answered. "Okay.." I patted at her waist with my hands that cover all of it. "Wait here for a minute, I'll be back.." I left her with that as I headed to the bathroom, getting ready to relax her.
Heading into the master bathroom that's connected to my room, I gathered everything I needed for her.
First, I twisted the knob to a hot setting but not too hot, waiting till the tub raised with water to where I wanted it.
Next, I added in some lavender organic bath salt, it used to be my mothers, which she gave to me because she discovered that my new obsession is taking relaxing, calm baths.
After that, I grabbed P's personal candles that she had in her basket, setting 3 off with the lighter that was tucked into the side of the basket. All organic, I know the smell can sometimes give her a headache, so I lit a lavender once, rose, and a light scented vanilla one.
Finally, I set a towel out for her body on the sink counter, a face mask, and a few eleastics in case she wanted to do something with her hair.
I walked out of the bathroom, back into my room where she sat on the bed, scrolling on her phone for what looked like the first time today.
I'm not surprised, she's not a phone person unless she's taking photos or writing song ideas down, maybe once and awhile for instagram but not much.
"I have a surprise for you... C'mon." I led her to the bathroom, watching the candles illuminate her excited and joyful glow and expression as she walked into the bathroom.
"You didn't..." Her face shocked more than ever. I know she's not used to this kind of treatment, so I like to surprise her with stuff like this once in a while.
"I did. I know you've been feeling anxious and a little more down recently, so I wanted to relieve some of the anxiety and just let you have a nice, relaxing bath." I explained.
"H..." Her eyes beamed with happiness. I haven't seen this in a while, but I could get way more than used to it. "I love you so much, thank you."
I took a deeper look, noticing they were glowing because of how watery her beautiful hazel eyes. She was crying.
"I love you too... Don't cry!" I laughed, giving her a quick hug, wiping her tears away joyfully.
"Alright, I need to change! Go!" She swatted at my chest playfully as I was about to exit, but I couldn't just yet.
"Hey, P? Do you want me to set out a pair of my sweats? A shirt of mine?" I only asked because seeing her in my clothes is so sentimental, but it's such a glorifying sight to see. Smelling her scent mixed with mine after she wears my clothing drives me crazy.
She's driving me crazy.
And I wish I could tell her about it instead of pushing those feelings down and packing them away.
My feelings aren't worth a cardboard box that just gets shipped off, that I know. I'm better than that, but sometimes it's hard to believe in yourself to do so.
All you can do is try.
"Yeah, that'd be perfect, H. Thank you." She said as I fully closed the door, exhaling a heavy breath out.
I don't know what it is that makes me have to hold my breath in front of her, but it's driving me fucking insane.
While Phoebe took her bath, since I don't know how long she'll be in there, I decided to get comfy and watch 'Friends.'
I put a pair of my favorite sweatpants on, the ones that stain with her smell after a thousand washes. I'm not complaining, it's just gonna hurt one day when her smell will distance itself from me, smelling duller than a rainy day.
Why am I doubting us so much?
I can't doubt us when I haven't even been able to admit my true feelings and intentions. All I've said is that I think she's attractive, and if I had a whole dictionary, I still wouldn't be able to find the words to describe her.
Anxiety has always been something we've both struggled with, being anxious in any and every situation, which causes some doubt at times.
But why does this have to happen now?
I'm completely worn out from today, I don't wanna be asleep when P gets back, so I tried to wait it out on watching some TV, which thankfully worked because she came out quicker than I expected.
"That took quicker than I thought.." I mumbled as she went over to the big desk, the brush already laid out for her.
"I can't sit still for too long, you know that... But it was really relaxing and helpful, thank you." She smiled, brushing through her beautiful brown hair that she recently trimmed.
"Of course.. Are you tired?" I asked.
"Completely drained... Wanna put a movie on?" She replied, I know the beach wore her out today. I nodded my head as she crawled into my bed like usual.
"Cuddles?" I asked, already knowing it'll help her fall asleep.
"You this time." She said strictly, motioning me to sit up so she could come behind me.
"No, you deserve it." I claimed, but she turned her pouty face on, knowing I can't say no now.
"C'mon, H... You've been doing so much for me. I know you need some cuddle time too..." She nudged my shoulder, and I complied, sitting up then leaning back down, my head laying right in the crook of her neck. I left a small kiss on the vein before exhaling another heavy breath. "You okay?"
"Yeah... Just anxious for some reason." I didn't give the full truth as to why, but I feel I won't be able to sleep because of it. Or maybe I will, her cuddles could help.
"Any particular reason? You can always talk to me." She reassured me, pressing her nails into my scalp softly, causing a little moan to slip from my lips. "Well that definitely made you relax, yeah?"
"Mhm..." I bit my lip to keep another whimper coming out, I don't anything has ever felt this good, and that's a huge stretch. She's for sure doing it on purpose now, now at the nape of my neck. "You sure enjoy making noise come out of my mouth, yeah?" I came back at her.
"Nope, just scratching your head, that's all." She lied, and I know that because I could feel her shift the slightest bit, looking up to catch her biting her lip.
"You sure, angel?" I teased, wrapping my arm around her waist, scooting more into her to fall asleep. I enjoy the thrill of teasing her, but if I keep going, I don't know if I'll be able to stop, and we haven't even kissed yet.
The thrill keeps you on your toes, the suspicion as well. It allows you to be excited for what's to come, not knowing what that person wants to do next.
"Get some sleep, bub..." I'd never heard her call me that, a small smile rising on my face as I stuffed my face into her neck, inhaling her scent every second, my shoulders slumping fully and completely sending me beyond relaxation.
I just hope the relaxation can outrun the anxiety, or this smile on my face will last no longer.
***
Song: Why - Shawn Mendes.
THIS SONG FITS MORE THAN WELL WITH PHOEBE AND HARRY OH MY GOD.
Sorry, I needed to flip out.
The tension between the two...
Next chapter might disappoint then..
I love you.