Save Me From My Own Demise (Phan)

Tell Me Everyday, I Get To Wake Up To That Smile.

-30 Minutes Later-

*Phil's POV*

It had been half an hour since Dan left the room without warning and I was worried. Usually when he left to go shower or get dressed he'd tell me, but today he just left me with a fake smile. I didn't want to worry myself too much because I could turn that he was just in a rush to get ready and so he went without telling me, but a few minutes previous I had heard a small voice and something dropping to the floor.

Maybe he dropped something in the shower and he picked it up, or maybe fell down and got back up. My mind just wouldn't calm itself down at all. I had all these thoughts running in my head about possible scenarios and it scared me a lot. So just to put my mind at ease, I went upstairs just to check that he was ok. I looked in our bedroom and nobody was in there, I looked in his moms room, and I finally made my way to the bathroom. The door was locked and as I pressed my ear up against it, there was no noise from inside. I knocked twice but he didn't reassure me in any way that he was ok inside. I took a step back and ran to the door, pushing all of my body with full force against it and after a few attempts, I broke the door down.

When I entered the room, the shower was empty and the strong smell of bleach invaded my senses. I stepped on something and it burned, it was bleach. I looked down and saw a half empty bottle of it and Dan passed out beside it. I put 2 and 2 together and assumed that Dan had drunk half of it. I kneeled down to his level and kissed his cheek, trying to wake him up. "Please don't leave me Dan. I need you." I whispered. I kept repeating the same words over and over. I got my phone out my pocket and dialled the emergency services. "Hello, emergency services, how may I help you?" The woman on the line said. "Uh, my boyfriend is passed out on our bathroom floor and I think that he drunk half a bottle of bleach." I said frantically. "Ok, what's his name?" She asked. "Dan. Daniel Howell." I said. She said just to wait for the ambulance and to try and wake him up as best as I could. I truly tried, but nothing was working. I began sobbing into his chest, holding onto him for dear life and hoping I wouldn't lose the only person I'd loved since the last time I had a boyfriend....

When they arrived, I helped them put Dan on a stretcher. They quickly strapped him in and wheeled him out to the ambulance, loading him in. "Is he going to be okay?" I sobbed as I sat by his side. "Well our team will do there best to help him, he has a good chance considering he only had half of the bottle." I sighed in relief of those words.

-3 Hours Later-

There he was, laying there. Dan, the love of my life almost lifeless in the bed sitting beside me. With tubes down his throat, tubes in his arms and tubes pretty much everywhere, it hurt me to se him helpless. This wasn't the Dan I knew, the bubbly and happy Dan was long gone. Now all that was there was the weak, scared Dan I had very rarely seen. The doctors told me that he was in a coma, and that it could take weeks, months or even years to get him to wake up, and even then there was a small chance he wouldn't. I blamed myself for it, I convinced myself that I had pushed him to it and that he would never forgive me. I was racked with guilt.

His heart was beating slowly and his eyes were closed. I put my hand to his heart, feeling his chest still going up and down. I knew that he was inside the darkness somewhere, probably begging to come back to life. But he was stuck in an everlasting sleep, unable to control what he did and he just had to wait for fate to decide whether he lived or died. "It's not your fault you know." A voice said from behind me. I turned around to see a woman with black hair, the same blue and greenie eyes I had and a small baby bump. I shook my head. "I pushed him too it. I should have never got close to him, everything I touch, I slowly destroy." I said sadly. She came closer and patted my back. "It was all the hate from the ignorant homophobes. They sent comments saying how much they hated Dan and he couldn't take it. He left a video for us all on his channel you know, he had a message to you." I looked at the phone she held in front of me, intently watching the video Dan had posted a short while before he did it. A single tear escaped my eyes, feeling a certain relief that it wasn't me.

"You didn't do it Phil. You were the last person he had in his mind before he ended it. He loved you. With all of his heart." She said softly. "My names Courtney by the way. I was here for a scan because I'm a surrogate. I heard that you and Dan were here and I know how hard it is to lose someone, I lost my boyfriend. So I wanted to come and see how you were. Trust me you'll get used to seeing him like this." She reassured me. I shook my head again.

"You never get used to seeing someone you love like this." I whispered. She came over and hugged me. "If you need me, just ask at the front desk for my number, and I'll be here." She said, and walked away. I looked at Dan and smiled. I kissed his forehead. "I love you with all my being Dan, I hope that you know that."