Divided (a Reylo fanfic)

Just between us

Rey POV:

Finally. I can rest. I let out a pleasant sigh and flop down onto my bed in the falcon.

Connix is sat on the bed above me reading through a book on outer rim systems. "Is everything OK Rey?" she curiously pops her head over the edge to her bunk.

"Hmm? yeah, I'm fine, its just a week has gone since the battle of Crait and everyone is still shattered from the physical strain of running away from the first order like womp rats and the emotional struggle of all our losses. Not to mention out brains having to work past boiling over to figure out what were gonna do next! it's utterly exhausting".

"I agree." a sad expression falls over her face and she lifts her head back up onto her bunk. She's quiet for a minute. "All our losses huh? I'm just worried that....that" Connix hesitates. " we've lost. What if the galaxy has lost hope and this will be the end of the resistance..." she whispers downheartedly.

I don't know how to respond to that. I'm usually relatively decent at reassuring others, well, that's what I learnt on Jakku, to look at the bright side of life, as most things there were miserable. And sand. "The galaxy hasn't lost hope, I'm sure we have thousands, no - millions rely on us. They are probably just too afraid to show it".

"Nobody responded to any of our distress signals".

"But if they did, would of they even been prepared and gotten to Crait in time to be of any help to us?" oh my Yoda, I hope I've not just pissed her off.

"The reassurance would of been good for our morale." she says bitterly. I can sense she's bothered now, so I don't respond, even though the stress welling up inside me is wanting to argue back, something tells me I'm too tired though.

Losses. Our most powerful ships, all our fighter craft, our troops. I think back to the end of the battle when those left escaped in the falcon... Then I remember Ben's pleading russet eyes looking up at me as I shut him out during our force bond. That dreadful feeling floods my mind again. Guilt. Anguish. And for some reason, heart-wrenching agony.

I hug my knees to my chest and run my right index finger along the scratched metal surface of the pipework. Back on Takondana, Maz told me that whoever I was looking for, was not coming back, but there is someone who still could.

My parents will never come back - because they were 'nobodies' apparently. But the who she meant to be redeemed - must of been Ben.

A cloud of gloom rolls over me. I feel such remorse, because, I managed to pull him out of that bottomless, dark abyss, but I wasn't strong enough support to stop him slipping in again - this time, even further. I'm worried about the cost it'll take to drag him out again.

I've found it so difficult to not think about Ben, despite that the resistance needs as much help as possible right now. Nor have I discussed the situation with Leia.

By instinct, I slide out of bed and stand up. "I need to go speak to the general, see you in a bit" I say to Connix. Her eyes remain fixated on her book with a blank expression and doesn't respond. She's still infuriated with me.

I briskly walk around the falcon, checking the cockpit, main hold, engineering stations and even the loading room. Where on earth is she! I don't see where I'm going and run head on into Poe, causing us to recoil backwards onto the floor.

"Oww...." The X-wing pilot I met yesterday rubs his forehead then proceeds to wipe some dust off his arm. "Man this ship needs a clean..."

"Sorry...".

"Don't worry I'll blame Finn for all the dirt and dust..." Poe looks up. "You OK Rey? You look like you've been chased by a Wampa!" He exclaims. BB-8 chirps in agreement.

"Do you know where the general is? I can't find her anywhere, I really need to speak to her" I climb to my knees and stand up, then wipe the dust off me. Man

"Sure, she's in the docking ring" That's an odd place to be.

"Thanks" I give a smile of appreciation "You need a hand up?"

"Hmmmm? Oh sure". As I pull him up he cheekily flicks some dirt at my face, probably from Ahch-To.

"Hey". The dirt drops back to the floor. What was his motive for that??

Poe grins mischievously "Pay back", and trots off.

I rush to the docking ring. The instant I turn the corner she swirls around. We make eye contact. Somehow I feel as if she knows exactly what is going to be said."It's about my son, isn't it?", she questions, with a dismal but sanguine tone. 

Yep, you were correct Rey. 

I stand there with my mouth slightly agape like a fish. How do I start this. "Y-yes". I wonder if she's aware of Ben and I's connection. I mouth several words but it takes me a while to compose a sentence. 

"Do you have some time?t-there is a lot I feel you need to know because... because..." 

Leia exhibits her soft, motherly, smile. "Rey, you know that even if I didn't have enough time, I'd make some".

"Because I'm worried and scared and I don't know what to do and I feel like now you are the only person I can go to for help about this" I blurt out. 

She pats the seat next to her. Sit. Her warm gaze soothes my panicking soul. I lean forward as I sit on the crate and fidget with the band of leather around my wrist. My eyes begin to tear up for some reason. Leia places her hand on my non-injured shoulder. That same soft smile is still plastered across her ageing features."Rey? remember, anything said here will remain just between the two of us, don't worry". 

I nod.

KYLO REN / BEN SOLO POV:

I punch the wall. Not in anger, but frustration, this tornado of emotions is still spinning entirely out of control in my head.

Since the death of Snoke I've felt so much more power and control over myself, however, I now have to learn a way of dominating it.

Images of faces flash through my mind right before I punch the wall for the 26th time, my mother, the nights of Ren, my father, Snoke, uncle Luke, Hux, the many padawans I trained with, FN-2187, Rey, Me. Light. Dark. I collapse onto my knees. She's pulling me out of this desolate abyss, however the lust for dominance is tugging me further inwards. This tugging between the two sides is tearing me apart. I close my eyes to block out the blinding white light of my chamber. Where do I stand in all this.

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Ok, so this WILL be continued, however  this is my first fanfic so its not gonna be perfect, because of that, feel free to add any ideas / constructive criticism and comments, I'll try to update soon :DDD 

       ~ Adela