The Assassin in Blue

20. Calm Down

"I don't want your fucking thanks!" I balled my fingers into the warning warmth of my palms. "The least I could get is the truth out of everything!"

"Xyra, calm down!" James yelled, coming somewhere from behind me. "You two never shut the hell up."

I whirled around at him, fury setting deep inside of me. "You're apart of the shit, don't tell me to calm down! I don't even know why the fuck you're here, or who you are!! You two-" I looked between Kaden and James. "Act like you've never met before, you have complete trust in a stranger. It makes no goddamn sense why he's here!"

"You're a stranger," Kaden pointed out, his jaw clenched in irritation.

"There's a difference, Kaden!" I took in a breath to calm myself and gather my words correctly. "We had a deal, and it didn't include James," I let out frustratedly. "Were supposed to be working together and I can't even stand being around you for more than ten minutes! You still act shady as shit, don't think I haven't noticed that you leave every morning. There's something going on, and I will find out."

James placed a hand on my shoulder and with a demanding tone, he said, "Xyra, you need to calm down."

I smacked his hand off of me with a harsh thwack. "Don't tell me to fucking calm down! You can't just show up out of nowhere and be a completely different person! That's not how it works, James! Why did the people– that are after me– flip your condo upside down too?" I had a nasty snarl wedged onto my face, my nerves were on over drive. "Tell me! Because I don't understand, what do you have to do with any of this?!"

James was oddly composed. His expression held no emotion– no compassion. I was clearly on the verge of a breakdown and he couldn't care less. "I told you. Two weeks ago—"

"You and I both know that's bullshit," I shot him down with a cold stare. "The chances of them seeing you with me at the ball and coming after you is very slim," I continued. "Why would they pick you? What would be so special about you that made them come after you from seeing us dance together– we barely even danced!" James opened his mouth to speak but I stopped him. "Nothing. Because that's not why they're coming for you."

My brain wanted to keep my mouth moving, the things I played through my head over and over, the scenarios I fathomed, the theories I had; It all wanted to come out. James is definitely a big part of what's going on. That much I had figured out. He knew more than I did, that was evident.

"I'm not against you! Why is that so hard for you to get through your fucking head!" James finally exploded, stepping towards me. "You don't need to know everything! You need to calm down and focus on–"

I pushed James back with a fail that caused me to be the one stumbling back. "On Lynn?!" I screeched. "That's what you were going to say, right?!" It was a rhetorical question that I didn't expect an answer to, the look in his eyes was enough answer for me to instantly continue. "Lynn is– God knows what! She's one of my best friends and she's not here, because of me!" A single, hot tear beaded down my cheek, I couldn't hold myself together and I felt stuck. "It's my fault and I don't even know why... the only thing I have close to an answer is you, God damn it! We get her back, and then what?! How am I supposed to protect her if I don't know what the hell I'm protecting her from?! We can't stay down here forever!" The parade of steady tears that came out of my eyes went unnoticed by me.

I saw a falter in James' face, a slight moment where he dropped his eyebrows pitifully. It was gone as quickly as it came. "You can't protect everyone."

"I don't want to protect everyone! I just want to protect the people I care about! Lynn is gone, Laura got dragged into this mess, and Andrea is losing her damn mind! At some point, I might've cared for you too, but now I couldn't give a shit. Rot in hell for all I care. I thought we were friends. Friends don't keep secrets!!"

"Secrets?" James' expression contorted in incredulity. "Did you plan on telling me about your little 'side jobs' when you thought I didn't know? Huh? Or does that not count? Everyone you're around is constantly in danger because of what you're apart of, do they all know? Friends don't keep secrets, right? How come Laura was pulled into this mess blindly?"

Got me there.

My face flipped back and forth between expressions while I fumbled to process that he was completely right. "That's– that's not the same! I didn't tell you to protect you! It wasn't any of your business!"

"To protect me, or yourself?"

"Jesus Christ!" The tears on my face suddenly bothered me, I hated crying, especially in front of people. I swiped at my cheeks to rid myself of looking vulnerable. "Both! Worrying about things like what we're going through is not something anyone should worry about, James! I don't want that for anyone. I don't want people to be scared of me because of who my fucking father is," I spat.

"And what if I'm doing the same thing for you? What if I'm protecting you?" James' voice rose gradually. "Just fucking drop it!" His shoulders dropped and he went quiet for a second. "Focus on getting our friend back. Wether you believe it or not, I do care. Otherwise I wouldn't be wasting my damn time here."

My senses woke up and I felt exposed, I grabbed my torn shirt and wrapped it around the front of my body to cover my open skin and bra. To some extent, I wanted to accept what he said and move on. But I couldn't. I wanted to be patient, I just couldn't. There was no time for patience. When I looked over my shoulder and saw that Kaden had already been gone. I officially decided that I was exhausted. I kept my eyes downcast and walked past James. "Goodnight, James."

James didn't say anything, nor did I hear him move. I went into my room where Laura and Andrea were already waiting. Everyone fled from the yelling and retreated into their rooms. They didn't say anything and let me take a shower in peace and treat my wounds on my own, which helped put me at ease.

Andrea and Laura both were on the huge bed, Laura was snuggled comfortably under the blanket. After pulling out the fold out bed, I got up to turn out the light.

I paused while Andrea got herself under the thick blanket. "Dee," I called, she looked up at me. "I don't think she's there," I let out slowly.

She steadily nodded once, confirming that she understood. "We'll, talk about it tomorrow, get some sleep."

At that, I flicked off the light and got curled up on my bed. Sleep came much easier than expected. I slipped into darkness without even knowing it.

••••••••••••••••••••••••

The jar is being shaken. Time for answers to start being revealed, no?