DECEMBER

Part 1 Disilluision

Today she walked by closer than ever before, her concentrated presence dwelled not long, she marked territory in places I never perceived in my being, Her short stay arose fear in me, fear of my throbbing heart, the mass of sweat on my forehead would've made one foresee petrichor. Wasn't long till i found myself back home after her evanesce, back to the one I'm addicted to, although home has not felt cosy ever since, at least not as it used to, following my glimpse of her I haven't been able to forsake nor shun the brief sensation she provided, a feeling I never knew, left me with an urge to flee home, her glimpse consisted of space, tenderness and a sense of detachment, an unutterable experience impossible to shun.
Maya, I've obsessed over her for as long as I can reminisce, the one I recognized as home, identified my being with her, we shared the same breath, carried her everywhere, she is my faculty of sight, her world was what I made of mine, the only home I knew, the place containing shelter and moral standards, the place you receive guidance and perspective on what life means from. I loved Maya more than I did myself, she represented the meaning of life to me, my life purpose was dedication on a higher quality relationship every 24 hours of my existence

                                   Part 2
                                   Truth
I step out of my and Maya's bedroom, the sand is warm on my naked feet, the sun is out, birds singing, waves turn into swells, for some reason I perceived the sound of the birds and swells out of the ordinary, the light of the sun looked somewhat brighter over everything it showered on. The most uncanny thing was that Maya was nowhere in sight, an ambivalent feeling about her evanescence rose, followed by fear and a feeling of abandonment, out of solitude I take a seat closer to the sea, take a deep breath with my eyes shut, I notice this feeling of peace and freedom. I feel a gentle touch on my left shoulder, opening my eyes, it was her, Muxima was the name I gave to the stranger I had been seeing for she never spoke, her presence was different from Maya's, she was so quiet even after I enquired on who she was and how she came to find my Cabana in such a vast beach, all she did was stare into my eyes, her eyes sparkled, her face has this blank expression that you only saw on a newborn, a gaze with no prejudice or expressing emotions, she never averted her gaze no matter how many times I did, although uncanny I felt close to her like I've known her since my first breath, she stretched out her hand, I took it, upon our feet we take a gradual walk away from the Cabana, I grow weary of asking questions I was getting no answers to, I grew silent and followed her lead. as we kept moving further away, fear started to rise and i came to my senses, letting go of her grasp I say ''I don't even know who you are'' she just stares with the same facial expression and a smile that I felt in my interior, out of fear I say goodbye and make a run back to the Cabana, disoriented but acknowledging the peace her presence gave me. I Arrived at the Cabana finding Maya on our bed.
''where have you been?'' I ask
''where have you?'' she asks
I smile feeling at home and fall asleep in her arms.
Waking from my nap, the moon makes space for the sun, Maya had the habit of chattering non stop, everything I saw or lived she turned into cluttered thoughts, she filled me with a cycle of non stop fantasies that I clung too, it was because of her I had decided to retire early, I often got weary of her loquaciousness and went to wet my feet by the water, I was very fond of sinking, I stood by the sand, that point where the water touched and returned, as the water came and was again dragged my feet sunk deeper and deeper in the process, it made me feel one with the ocean. I see Muxima about 5 meters left of me yonder, at that moment I came to realize every time I had her in thought she was insight, all she did was watch me from a distance and I at her, attracted by her ease I smile at her. Wasn't long until Maya came and disturbed the quiet, I asked her who Muxima was and if she's seen her before, Maya never uttered a word, I was astonished for that was the first time I witnessed Maya silent.
''Ivar,we should go back inside '' she said
The only time Maya called me by my name is when she was demanding, she grabs my hand brutally as if in fear, pulling me to the Cabana, I wave goodbye to Muxima and she responded with a smile.
''why couldn't we invite her inside'' I asked
''how can we trust a stranger in our home'' she answered.

                                    Part 3
                                     Fear
As the sun shone for afternoon I woke from my usual non-patterned sleep, the Cabana heated up incredibly, Maya forgot to leave the sliding door to the beach opened for some air, being retired I slept and woke whenever I felt like it, all I did with existence was spend time with Maya anyways. still felt drunken by the traduce Maya found necessary about Muxima at dawn, if she didn't know her how come she had a lot to say about her was the perseverance feeling I had, as I listened to her speak, as a result, Muxima is where my interest lay.
After what occurred I had spent time with Muxima routinely even if Maya was against it, in reality she had no say in it, but I did promise to always be with her, being with Maya consumption of her influence was always easy but digestion was always tricky. Time with Muxima was natural, it required no effort nor words, see with Maya I felt I was in love, with Muxima I felt she is love itself, Muxima introduced me to meditation and silence, realms I've shunned in my existence. The more time I spent with her the more I neglected Maya, I purchased a Cabana for Muxima and I not too far, as I grew aware of the difference between reality and illusion I shunned Maya even more, I had become aware of all that I knew was false, ''all this time my existence was never a reality'' i thought to myself, I came to realize Maya was not to blame but she was a consequence of the way I took life, ignoring what is unchanged.
Living with Muxima, i realised what I had been feeling with her was not new but concealed by Maya, Muxima was not someone new but has always been with Maya and I, which explains why Maya never uttered a word in her presence, I just never gave Muxima the light of day but she was always there even neglected, now that I did it felt foreign, which arose fear of not having a known ground to stand on. That being, out of uncertainty and faith for Muxima I leave the new Cabana and dive into Maya's arms, back to Maya the great deceiver, Trapped in her love bites of Payne and illusion... THE END