It All Fell Down | A Marauder's Story

Twenty-Nine

     Charlie didn't bother getting to her feet. Instead, she crawled to be by the side of her friend, laying back against the cold floor, mirroring the red head. She stayed quiet for a while, letting Lily delve through her own thoughts. Charlie was in no rush, and she knew that the girl could never be hurried. Not with this. 

     Lily took a shaky breath after several silent moments had passed. "How do you do it, Charlie?" She whispered. 

     Charlie blinked several times, not turning to look at the girl. She didn't need any clarification on what she was asking, but it didn't make answering any easier. 

     "One day at a time, and eventually, the days seem to get less heavy. It's going to take time, Lily. And, right now, it is going to swallow you whole, but it'll let go eventually." 

     "I-" Lily hesitated. "I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like there isn't room in my head to think about anything except them. About what happened." 

     Charlie nodded, her head scraping against the tile. "I understand that. And, I wish I could tell you that it would go away quickly, but it takes time. It happens slowly, and even after you're better, some days it'll randomly hit you out of nowhere. Grief is a weird thing."

     Lily made a noise. "I should have been there." 

     Charlie shut her eyes at once, tears pricked her eyes and the familiar feeling of guilt rose like bile in her throat. "Don't do that, Lily," Charlie demanded in a hushed, broken voice. "I've been down that road, and it leads to nowhere good. Trust me. I played it in my head a thousand times. If I could have been there. If I could have defended them. But, I wasn't, and that is nobody's fault. Not mine, especially." 

     "They were muggles." 

     "So were mine." 

      "I brought them into this world of witches and wizards," Lily argued. "They died because of me. It's my fault." 

      "No," Charlie disagreed sharply. "You didn't kill them, Lily. It's Voldemort's fault. End of discussion." 

     The redhead didn't have the energy to argue with Charlie, and she knew Charlie would never back down. A sob rose in Lily's throat. "I don't know how to be in world where my parents don't exist."

     Charlie shut her eyes, the grief for her own family heavy in her chest, clawing at her heart. "You're a muggle born, Lily." 

     "Yes?" Lily answered, the distracting statement holding back her tears. 

     "How many science classes did you take?" 

     Lily scrunched her eyebrows, but she answered nonetheless: "Up until I was eleven." 

     "You know that scientific law that says that energy cannot be created nor destroyed?"

      Lily nodded. 

      "Your parents still exist, Lily," Charlie said softly. "Their energy still exists, somewhere, doing something. I like to think it's with you, watching over you. But, they still exist, Lily. That part doesn't change. That part will never change."

      Lily cleared her throat, doing her best to get rid of the lump that had formed there. "I like that," she finally whispered. "That's a good way to think about it." 

      "You ready to get off of the bathroom floor?" 

      Lily shook her head, her eyes flooding with tears. "I can't face them." 

      "They're your friends, Lily," Charlie reminded her softly. 

      The red head took a deep breath, and she noted that it felt as if her lungs couldn't fill all the way up. "I don't think I can handle pity right now."