How Could I Lose You Too // RUEL

1. The Beginning

Many think it's taken a lot of courage for me to have gone through what I have gone through. Many people think many things, even when they're wrong. And many people like to think things and think that they're right. But I was a kid. I was a kid when the social worker came home to take me away. It was a motion that took a really long time for me to process and wrap my head around that night. I was fifteen.

"Fuck you woman!" My father yells. His shadow looms into the light protruded from the door left ajar.

"What Matt? So you can go up to other women and feel them up but I can't fucking talk to Henry at work about the statistics?!" My mother yells back. I see her finger's shadow, pointing up into my father's face.

"You know you're a whore! Don't be lyin' to me about some fucking statistics!" My father counters.

They pace further away from my bedroom door and my door suddenly creaks a little bit. A silhouette of a tiny figure pops into my room, holding a teddy bear. I whisper, "Jonah. Come here." I lift my blanket up and he runs into my bed. I make sure the blanket eats him.

"They're doing it again," he cries softly.

"I know, Jonah, I know. But nothing is going to happen to you," I say, my heart racing a mile.

"Nothing is going to happen to me," he repeats me.

I nod and pull him closer to me, squeezing him hard. "You are safe here." I place my hand over his ear to stop him from hearing the screaming. Even though nobody is here to cover mine.

My eyes watch the clock next to my wardrobe. My parents finally cease from quarreling an hour later and I uncover Jonah's ear. I hear his faint breaths coming from his mouth and soft snoring. I kiss him on the temple and slowly crawl out of bed. My throat is dry.

I carry him into my arms and gently place him back in his bed. The hallway is only dimly lit. I stand alone in the hallway, my ears perked up to hear whether anyone is still awake. I hear nothing.

I go to the bathroom and the door is unlocked. But the light is on.

The light is on.

I shouldn't have come here.

I shouldn't have seen what I have seen then.