𝙡𝙖 𝙙𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙚𝙪𝙧 𝙚𝙭𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙨𝙚 ii

lxxvi.

Rant I guess, I don't want to spoil your mood but I just really can't right now but I'll be fine so don't worry about commenting.

Guys I just want to say before I go into this taht I really hope you all don't see me as some girl looking for attention or some other negative shit but like I'm just so done with being so anxious about what people think of me and I guess I should be talking to other people about it as my therapist and google say but there's no way in hell Im telling my parents at this point bc honestly they're (well, my mom tbh) is the sole root of most of my inner problems and I'm so fucking sick of it but I know she means well and I just want to clear up the fact that no matter how many time I will cuss her ass out I love her and I really don't know why

I don't want to get into too much detail because I guess I should maintain some more privacy about my life but I just hate life rn and at times like this it's hard not to just cut away and hope someone cares because honestly I just can't even explain how I'm feeling, it's so chaotic and I just don't even know

I want to cry or yell and rant and just let all the fuckers know that I'm so done, but like I can't be done?? Like I'm so sorry this is so confusing even to me and I just want validation, I guess. I'm so sorry because honestly I just want to confirm that someone cares and I'm sorry that I look for that here and reading that it's like, no, I shouldn't be sorry, but I should because I'm looking for someone to waste their time on me so I can feel better just to fall back down on my sorry little ass later. Essentially, I just don't even know why I feel like there's such a big taboo around "looking for attention" because when you feel uncared for and just down in the dumps, you want someone there to hold you and help you along the way and essentially you're looking for attention. I guess taht's another reason I feel bad, also I'm sorry for all this bad grammar and shit but like I just can't even say anymore because I'm just, like, I don't even know

Ugh rereading that, I never said what I wanted to say and I didn't say all that I wanted to say or say what I should've said and I just regret it all but I'll leave my shit here because last time I posted one of these I deleted it out of fear of what people would think and this is just a step towards more confidence (I hope) and if I ever want to post one of these again, I probably won't for the same reason I deleted the last one and I can at least have some closure by remembering that at least I posted it and (will hopefully continue) to leave this up

That whole thing was kinda fucked up but whatever I guess

I'm sorry, bye