A Friend's Lost Memories (COMPLETED)

Chapter 8~ I'm Sorry I Wasn't There

We walked through a hallway.  It was dark and musty, but there were frighteningly beautiful drawings along the walls.  They depicted depressing scenes, much like the ones I used to draw in sixth grade.  There was one of a ballerina, dancing and crying while sharp black branches reached into her chest and clawed out her soul.  There was another of a girl being dragged to the ground by chains that strangled her throat.  I had done something similar.  The last one showed a girl touching large cracks in her face as others whispered behind her back.  All of them were drawn with pencil and all were beautiful and depressing.  The art quality of younger Lilith shocked me. 

We followed this hallway until we reached a door.  Upon opening it, I could see a child's nightmare that stretched across the land.  We stood in a burnt forest with a river of blood flowing through the middle.  Skulls sat at the bases of trees.  The entire scene was one I knew much too well.  I had drawn something like it when I was younger.  It's where I go sometimes when I want to hide from...  nevermind.  

"Calm down everyone," Hiddleston announced.  "Especially you," he said turning to Lilith.  "This is your head, so you should know what's in here.  Everybody stay close.  I shall be here if anything happens."  

Ravens with blood-red eyes cawed and watched us as they ruffled their feathers.  I felt bad for the state they were in.  I almost wanted to call one down and preen its feathers.  

We followed Hiddleston through the landscape.  Eventually, I saw a figure in a heap on the ground.  When we got closer I could see her tattered black spaghetti strap dress.  It was torn on one side and the ends were dipped in blood.  I soon realized that she was a young girl.  She cried and she cried; it was a mangled, sorrowful sound that made my heart wrench.    

"Lilith..." I gasped.  This girl.  The one with the depressing attire and long hair that hid her face.  This was Lilith.  This must have been another version of her, before I met her of course.  I stood there in a shocked sadness.  Marceline was the first to recover her wits.

"Hey, are you okay?"  Marceline asked the girl, going up to her and attempting to place a hand on her shoulder.  The girl reacted with violent speed and scrambled to get away from Marceline, shooting her a dirty glare.

"You lied to me..." The girl said quietly to the floor.  Then she spun her head towards Marceline and shrieked, "I thought you were my friend, but all you cared about was yourself!  You'd leave me behind and never wanted to be around me!"  She got quiet again and directed her attention back to the floor.  "You probably thought I was pathetic..."  younger Lilith said through a sob. 

I watched as she cried.  I still couldn't do anything.  I just thought of myself over and over again, as if I was watching a tape on replay.  In my mind, one sentence kept repeating itself.  "The fight is near, and they will get hurt.  The fight is near and they will get hurt.  The fight is near...  The fight is near..."  I had no idea what that meant.  What fight?  Who would get hurt?  Right now I didn't want the answers to those questions.  

In my distraction, I missed the events of what happened shortly after.  When I came back to complete consciousness, I realized three things.  One, there was a knife on the floor.  Two, younger Lilith had a cut across her right shoulder, and three, Carson was restraining a wailing girl.

"Why did you do that?!" she spat.  "You shouldn't care what happens to me!  You're just like everyone else!"  the pieces all fit together.  The girl had cut herself with the knife and Carson had stopped her from doing it again.  Was I really that lost?  "I don't want to live anymore!  Let me go!"  she screamed.  I closed my eyes.  You have so much to live for.  So much.  Everyone feels like their worthless.  Other people make us feel this way.  We get used to them, so we berate and degrade ourselves because we expect it every day, every waking moment.  Then we want to escape from them, escape from ourselves.  So we turn to death.  No more pain.  No more sorrow.  No more anything.  Surely that is better than the torture and pain others inflict on ourselves.  The torture and pain we inflict on ourselves.  But that is why we can't do it.  If we did,  they would win.  Don't let them win.  Don't let them make someone else feel the way they make you feel.  Don't make someone else feel the way you make yourself feel.  Don't let them win.  Don't let them win.

Lilith approached her.  She crouched next to her and said some words meant for her younger self and her younger self only.  Carson backed up respectfully and I tuned Lilith out as she was comforting the child.  It's not my business, besides, I trust Lilith.  I know she'll say the right thing.

Eventually, the girl calmed down and Lilith offered her a piggyback ride, which she gladly accepted.  Lilith set her down and gave her one last hug before her younger self gave us the key and we started to head out.  I was the last in the door, and I am glad I was.  Because when I looked back, I saw the same girl, in a silky white dress, smiling and waving as the scenery behind her changed into a much lighter world.  I smiled and allowed Lilith to close the door.  I am so glad that Lilith made peace with herself.  Without that, who knows where she might be now.

I didn't realize that Lilith was as broken as this.  I have had suicidal friends in the past, and I still have some.  Usually, I can tell when people relapse or tried to do something the previous night.  Something in their eyes just gives it away.  I guess I just haven't known Lilith long enough to see her tells.  I'll have to get better at that.  I'll also have to figure out how to deal with my...problem.  The fight is near, and there will be casualties.