The Widow's Wish

Chapter 8

Olivia was shocked at these words, and offered her hand to Christian, who kissed her knuckles and held her hand tight in his own before continuing his sad tale.

“To me his anger was not often directed unless it was a way of keeping my other in line. He did not face much difficulty on my behalf, for nothing in life could pain me more than the thought of my mother’s unhappiness. To her he was kinder to many, especially Lady Blackwell. She had no kindness for me, and to that I suscribe his insistence on parading me in front of her face as some sort of golden child, the only heir to his fortune, the bastard son of a French actress. When he died, of course, she did all she could to stop my education, and to malign my name and that of my mother’s. It was only thanks to Lord Collin that I and my mother did not meet a tragic end. Lady Blackwell took it upon herself to see that I would always be exclued from proper and decent society, so it is thanks to her that I have my current status of untouchability.”

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

“Truer words have never been spoken.” Christian smiled at her, but it was a sad and bitter smile. “I was able to make a decent wage and keep mother in comfort until her death last year. Lady Blackwell and her nest of vipers spread falsehoods about my nature so well that I am anathema to all who are decent and it is because of this that I could never dream of hurting you Olivia. For despite your own treacherous standing among the ton, I fear that an attachment of our names and persons, a serious one, not just this mere flirtatiousness we have been advertising so perilously would make you untouchable, and I could not bear to sully you. Because you are a good person. A pure person. I know that your goodness shall shine through that and that happiness will come to you and your family. But my association with you would merely cause you harm.”

“No!” Olivia’s cry was louder than she had expected and surprised both herself and Christian. “I am not good. I am not worthy of such consideration or such sacrifice! If anything it is you who would be lowered by association with me.” At this harsh truth, Olivia broke out into hysterical tears.

Christian was so moved by this display of true suffering that Olivia showed, and he immediately got up from his chair and went over to Olivia, holding her close to him, and taking her into his arms as she sobbed into his chest. He had no words, he could only hold her tight as her cries continued, slowly ebbing, and as the final whimpers left her, he wiped her tears with his hand and took her face in his hands, finally kissing her, with a passion and abandon that Olivia had never imagined or hoped for in her life. She could only lose herself in the kiss and return its ardor a million times back, using the power of her sorrow and sadness to speak her love to him.

They parted and while Christian felt amazed and joyful, his smile cracked at the sight of pain that seemed to have stricken Olivia in the gravest manner.

“There are things you don’t know about me.” Olivia’s voice was small.

“Nothing that could matter to me.” Christian spoke these words with a conviction in his voice that gave Olivia hope. “I know who you are, Liv.”

“I am not a widow.” Olivia began. She told Christian the true tale of her courtship with Daniel, in the most honest way that she could. She did not attempt to make herself nor Daniel out as victims. She portrayed role as she truly saw it, an opportunistic young girl hungry for money and status, who was willing to help two forbidden lovers be together, despite the tragedy of what would happen to Daniel’s mother.

Christian listened patiently to every word Olivia shared with him, never interrupting her. It was only when he was sure that she was done that he shared his thoughts on the matter.

“What do you want Olivia?”

“What I always wanted. I want freedom and a happy and easy life for my mother and my sisters.”

“No, that was not what I meant. What do you want for yourself? You have done things that were dishonest, perhaps, but you did them all for others. You sacrificed your life, your own happiness for your family’s and for Daniel’s as well as John’s. What do you want?”

Olivia looked up at him, and her voice once again cracked, and tears began to flow from her eyes, but the sound that left her lips was not a sorrowful one, it was a happy one. “I want you.”

He took her into his arms once again, kissing her cheeks, her tears and finally her lips and they both began to laugh together, scared and happy and absolutely tickled at the idea that they might have found something that neither of them thought was in the realm of possibility, true love and happiness.

He got down on his knees and took her hand in his.

“I will make this all right. I will make you happy. I will make you my wife and partner, but I will do this the right way, if you will agree and promise that you can wait for me to make everything right and good in the world, I promise you that I will love you and take care of you and make you happy.”

These words caused Olivia’s heart to soar, and she could break into tears once again. They kissed again, but Christian, ever the gentleman, said that she should return to her home before they did something they both regretted.

“When we come together,” he said, his eyes bright with hope. “It will be true and lovely and pure.”

Olivia brightened at these words, and found this idea particularly lovely. Starting anew, starting fresh with someone who had a troubled past such as her own, sounded particularly promising.

“Promise me that you will wait for me.” Christian smiled at her. “It will take time to arrange for everything, and I fear I will have to make some journeys in order to secure our future.”

“I could wait to the end of time.” Olivia returned his smile with one of her own. It did not matter how much time would pass, she knew that she could wait until the end of time for Christian. She imagined that he wanted to conduct more business in order to have funds for their life together, and she even wondered, during her carriage ride home, if he planned to take her abroad to begin their life together. She was sure that this was his plan for their life together, and the thought of beginning anew with Christian was one that filled her heart with joy and hope.

Her feelings came crashing down, however, when she reached the town house and found Eugie in a state of panic and hysterical tears. She was sobbing and flapping her arms about, waving what seemed to be a letter addressed to Olivia. Olivia put her arms around her sister, calling for the maid to bring some laudanum that the doctor had left for Eugie several weeks back. It was not until Eugie was calmly sleeping in the bed that Olivia sat in the parlor and opened the letter. It was from Cordelia, and it did not seem to share good tidings.