PRETENDING

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I cleaned my already clean room and then went to take another shower because I wanted to smell good, because he complimented the way I smell. 

Although we have done this twice already, I was still nervousness as if this was the first time. The last two times things did not went as smooth and as pain free as I would like but today I have a feeling that it will be way better and I  will be able to fully enjoy it and not be on edge. 

Waiting for his 'i'm here' text was nerve racking but at the same time it gave me hope that he might cancel. Wanting to have him cancel was not because I did not wanted this, because I do, but I just wished that it was in different terms. Steve was not a bad person, he was kind, patient and understanding, and was very skillful with his hands but there was not emotion between us other than physical attraction and sexual frustration. When we are doing it , it feels god but then he leaves since there is nothing between us. I want someone to cuddle with me after or to have a conversation with later on but he was not that person nor did I wanted him to be it. 

Today I am going to tell him that it will be the last time that we will meet for this.  I want more and he and I are not about to do that.

    The clock strikes four and my phone vibrates with his 'i'm here' text. Carefully walking down the stairs, taking one deep breath I open the door letting him in.

after all the playing is done we both get dress and he walks out my room. 

"Steve?"

he turns around lifting a brow,

"Let's not do this again" 

"Why?"

"Look if was fun an all but I want to try and find a boyfriend and i can't do that while we do stuff together"

nodding he smiles, "Good luck finding that boyfriend Jinyoung, I hope that you choose wisely and end up with someone that cares and is as kind as you"

smiling I nod waving as he opens the door to leave but before he gets out fully out of my house, a girl with a round belly pushes her way in and slaps him, hard on his left cheek. 

"YOU CHEATER!  WHY DID YOU HAD COME INTO MY LIFE AND RUIN IT, HUH?"

"Lise why don't we get out of here and talk in private?"

"Why so your b**h  can't hear what you have done to me"

placing his hands up in defense Stefan says, " I did nothing to you. Your parents found out about the pregnancy on their own I had nothing to do with it besides it was not like you were trying to hide it! with the close you wear it is----"

"NOT TRUE! I was very cautious and then you had to come and tell them so they wont find out for bat for the same team. All because of you and that monster ovether I have to get rid of my baby "

"Lise It's not our fault you got pregnant and did not  took well care of you---"

"You and your sinful ways have done this to me, you monsters I HATE YOU! I Wish that ----"

"That's enough! Get out of here and go blame someone else" 

After Steve pushed her out the door, I did not heard for neither of them. I didn't know what the deal was with her but I couldn't bring myself to care although I knew that I should. 

I saw Lise again when I was walking out of my favorite cafe shop. I was holding a hot white chocolate when she came out of nowhere. 

there was so much anger, no it was rage that consumed her red eyes. Her lip quiver as she hold her tears back. 

she pointed a shaking finger at me, making people stop and stare, she called me a sinner and a killer, a monster for what I had done to her.  whispered began to rise at her statement. 

I asked her what her problem was with me. I told her that I did not even know her but that only infuriated her more 

Tears spilled down her cheek as she pulled out a clear bag containing a  red liquid  that looked a lot like blood. 

she told the bag close to her face and smiled as she said that that was the blood of the child that I made sure to kill.  She said that me preferring men over women as a partner  is what killed her baby.

People began to take steps back as she trows the bag at me. I was to slow to move causing the bag to explode on top of me, covering me in blood, actual blood. 

She laughed  hysterically at the sight of me covered in blood, blood that came from somewhere that I wished not to know. 

As she laughed she stepped into traffic... I did not meant to stay frozen on the sidewalk covered in blood. I wanted to move or tell her to come back where it is safe. 

I moved too slow, we all did,  i reacted too slow ... i saw the black car coming at a really fast speed too late. 

The care came and  she...

There was so much blood and so much noise from people. The ambulance came a little too late . Her heart stopped beating by the time they came and they were unable to bring her back. 

I walked home after that, stilled covered in blood. I showered, burned the stained clothes, never come back to that cafe and began dating women. 

But still I... I selfishly choose men over women when it comes to my partners. 

Thank you for reading. 

I'm sorry for this chapter... it is quite intense...