the old bad boy {s.m}

~t w o~

-j-

"Shawn Mendes has been sited in San Francisco, ladies get those dresses out!"

He's here? He's actually back here, he's never been here since that day.

Maybe he's here for me?

No Jennifer get that out of your head, you don't need him, you have Paisley. He left you for a reason right? Then don't let him back in, not anymore.

I get up doing my usual routine and head downstairs to start breakfast. I'm off today so I planned a girls day, Paise has been wanting to get out for a while now.

"Good morning baby." I say to Paise while she comes down with Jess.

"Morning Jess." She groans.

"How are you a morning person, mornings suck." She says still rubbing her eyes.

"I'm excited because we're going to the mall huh mamas?" Paisley gets all excited while Jess is still out of it.

I make pancakes and bacon, we eat peacefully until Paise goes upstairs wanting to play with her toys for a while, only until it's time to get ready.

"Did you see?" Jess asks me, I knew exactly what she was asking.

"Yeah, it's whatever." I say trying to shrug off the situation.

"So it doesn't bother you? The fact that he's back here, after what he did?"

"He does what he wanted with his life, it's none of my concern."

"If I were you, I would've confronted him and beat his ass."

"Life goes on Jess. Yeah, I'm still hurt the way everything went down, but Paisley is here and that's all that matters. I don't need him anymore."

It's true, I'm still hurt about the whole thing. I mean he cheated on me, left me pregnant, and never spoke to me as if it was all my fault. If that's what he feels like doing then I don't need him in my life like I once thought.

"You're amazing you know that? I don't know how I would've done it all." She walked away.

What if he didn't leave that day? What if he never had sex with her? Would everything have been different?

These thoughts begin to consume my mind, the 'what ifs' really make you think.

I go to my room and lock my door. I reach under my bed and pull out a box I decorated before Paisley was born. I open it and everything is still there as I left it, all the memories with Shawn.

The movie tickets, pictures, bracelets to the fair, the ring he gave me, and all the love letters.

Every single thing that made me love him more and more everyday was tucked away in this little box, never letting me fall out of love with him.

I would look back at this every once in a while, wanting to relive all these beautiful moments before we fell apart.

One specific picture caught my eye, the picture of our graduation day. The day he told me we were moving in together, the happiest day of my life. The next picture was moving day, we had been moving boxes, we were on the floor with his head on my lap as we laughed at one of his corny jokes most likely.

Every picture brought me back to a happy time with him, where I thought we would never end. I felt on top of the world when I was with him.

I pass a few more pictures and I come across the picture of me holding Paisley in the hospital for the first time.

My hair was in a messy bun, I looked extremely sweaty, and I was smiling like an idiot, but I didn't care because that was the first day after he left me where I felt genuinely happy.

The birth of Paisley helped me get out of a depressing time, a time where I thought nothing would get better.

I hadn't realized I was crying until I saw tear fall on the picture. I quickly wipe the tears away and move on to looking at all the movie tickets.

'Insidious.. 7:45pm'

I laughed because that night I made Shawn stay up with me because I was scared and it was his fault for making me watch the movie with him.

I hear knocks on the door and my daughter's voice behind it.

"Mommy! Are you gonna change me already?!"

I quickly put everything away and slip the box back under the bed. I check my face in the mirror, making sure there are no traces of me crying left on my face.

"Yes baby, what do you feel like wearing?" I smile and she runs to her room.

This is what my life is, Paisley and I.. that's what I thought..