Sex in Sochi

Cock Fighting

   “Welcome!” Mindy said enthusiastically, “to the five minute update from me, Mindy Hofferson, one of the hosts at Sex in Sochi.” She was alone this time. She and Roman alternated the days in which they’d do these and it was her turn. “It was a great opening day for the cock fighting fans as there were shocks everywhere. India’s Setri Singh pulled off a great upset when he knocked out the much wider of girth Ghanian contestant John Atsu. It just goes show that you shouldn’t count your chickens.”

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   “Welcome!” Roman said with a beaming smile to the camera, “to the five minute update from me, Roman Kerensky, one of the hosts of Sex in Sochi. There is a real spoil sport in the cock fighting this year in the form of Gorgios Sarimanus. He was the front runner to win the contest and so far has lived up to the hype, much to the disappointment of the many of you on twitter who want to see another upset.He made it into the quarter finals with a dominant display. Erstwhile…”

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   “Welcome!” Mindy said, waving to the camera, “to the five minute update from me, Mindy Hofferson, one of the hosts at Sex in Sochi. The people have a hero! Setri Singh, born in the slums of Mumbai and blessed only with a massive penis, has not allowed his beginnings to keep him modest. He has moved into the semi finals of the cock fighting event at this year’s Sochi Sex Olympics and did it in some style. He looked down and out but came back to flap himself to victory! I tell you, I cried!” Mindy admitted honestly. “When he saw he had won… it got to me.”

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   “Welcome!” Roman said, his teeth as shiny as ever, “to the five minute update from me, Roman Kerensky, one of the hosts of Sex in Sochi.” Roman shuffled his papers dramatically, chuckling slightly. “It was the matchup everyone wanted and its the one they are going to get. Gorgios Sarimanus versus Setri Singh. The Greek has flapped aside any opponent that has gone against him and all betting men are saying the same will happen again. Setri Singh says he’s happy to be the underdog and says he can’t wait to prove everyone wrong one last time.”

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    “Welcome!” Mindy said, greeting the audience with arms out wide, “to the five minute update from me, Mindy Hofferson, one of the hosts of Sex in Sochi. I suppose we don’t really need to update you all on the today’s events as they have been plastered everywhere as Setri Singh and Gorgios have a bust up in the pre match meeting before their grand final in the cock fighting event. There were insults and punches thrown. Well, I don’t think we want them hugging each other. How much more interesting will this make the final between two men who are now not only opponents, but rivals?”

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   The Indian contestant puffed his cheeks. His coach was there rubbing his shoulders. Setri Singh waved him away and brought out his Kama Sutra, put it on his chair, bowed down before it and said some last words into the ground. The Greek opposite him, Gorgios Sarimanus, was worshipping a huge statue of Aphrodite. They both came into the centre of the small arena, muscular and naked, and stared each other down.

   “Look at the tension on their faces,” Roman said wisely in a hushed tone, increasing the suspense. The video paused with the two contestants standing and facing each other like two bulls ready to charge. “How did you feel in their place?”

   Michael Sheeran, the winner of the cock fighting in the 2004 Sex Olympics as a representative of Britain, nodded knowingly. “There is so much pressure on them. You’ve no idea, really, how difficult it is when you realise all the hard work comes down to this. Sure it’s the final. You can look at it and say they should be proud, that they are at least going to bring a silver home. But really,” Michael added with a proud chuckle, “why would you want silver, when you could have gold?”

   The video started again. “Grab your shafts!” the hypeman said in his booming voice. Both contestants did, all the while showing their ability to get hard on command. “Begin!” The video was slowed down then so that both Setri and Gorgios could be seen breathing deeply in and out and shouting as they charged towards each other, shafts in hand. It was like an even more erotic 300, but with just two men running at each other with massive weapons in hand. They both swung, their shafts connected and the video was slowed again to show the pained expressions on both mens’ faces.

    They went again, swinging their cocks, trying to get the upper hand and Roman, Mindy and Michael watched with great concentration, with Michael pointing out like a commentator their excellent footwork and balance. It was like watching the strangest dance ever. Both Setri and Gorgios had talent and determination and made it show. It was unfortunately Indian that fell, though, clutching his balls as the Greek dealt him a serious blow. On this occasion David didn’t beat Goliath but he did make the final a great spectacle.