The Roommate Equation

Chapter 5

“Dee, wake up!”

I groan, pushing the duck away. The forest floor beneath me is hard, a thick blanket of moss coating the base of the tree. The duck king snaps at me, his red eyes flashing in the darkness. His duck minions are screaming at me.

“Dee, wake up!” the duck king cries. I lean over and grab a rock from beside me, then thump the king on the head.

“Ow! You bitch!”

The forest dissolves away and I sit bolt upright in my bed, my eyes flitting open. Through dry, sleep-deprived eyes, I can see Kate, her face slightly flushed. I realise I just hit her with the pillow in my hands.

"Sorry," I apologise, putting the pillow back down and rubbing my face.

"It's alright," she says. "What was it this time? You were flailing around like a fish out of water."

I smooth down my hair, stretching languidly, then fall back against the bed and pull the duvet back over my face. "It was the evil duck king."

"Ah, of course, the evil duck king. Anything different this time?"

"Yeah, the minions had red boots on rather than green ones, and the stolen jewels turned out to be fake- that was why the duck king was so angry. Oh, and there was the racoon. He was a robber. The evil duck queen had him executed."

Kate snorts. "You're so weird." She pulls the duvet back and I groan when the light hits my face.

"Give that back, let me sleep! Jeez, you're as bad as the duck king!" I mutter when she pulls the duvet completely of the bed and drops it onto the floor.

"Get up, we have a party to go to tonight, and we only have six hours to get ready."

I give her the dirtiest look I can muster. "No."

"Yes." She prods me, hard, on the shoulder. "Get up, you're so lazy. It's already past two."

Grumbling profanities under my breath, I roll of the bed and stumble upright. Every muscle aches, and I stink.

Kate drags me to my bathroom. "Right," she says. "Here's a towel. Go wash. And don’t forget to shave."

"Yes, your majesty," I say, pulling my clothes off. She's not fazed by my nakedness as I step into the shower.

"You have just under an hour," she says, "Hurry up." She closes the door behind her as she slips out.

I turn on the shower and sigh in pleasure when the hot water hits me. I stand there for a little while, watching the rivulets of water caress my skin like silk, then lather my hair twice with shampoo, slather it in conditioner and turn off the shower. I shave quickly, then turn the shower back on and wash the conditioner out.

When I come out of the bathroom, Kate is at my dresser pulling out various types of make-up and accessories and arranging them in neat little rows.

"There you are," she exclaims, putting down the mascara she'd been holding and marching over to my drawers. "Here." She throws a black lace push-up bra to me, followed by a pair of matching pants. I shrug off the towel and pull them on. When I'm done, Kate already has an outfit laid out on the bed.

"Don't you need to get ready too?" I ask, going over to the bed. She's picked out a short strapless black dress with a little gold belt and red heels the size of Mount Everest. I pull the dress over my head and fasten the belt.

"Sit," she says, gesturing to the chair at my dresser, "and yes, I do, but it won't take long. I'm much better at this than you."

I sit in the chair and for an immeasurable period of time Kate works her magic, while I doze in and out of consciousness. When I'm hit hard on the shoulder and wake up, dizzily, Kate grins at me.