Crazy Feelings

Chapter Nine

"Bella please stay." He says softly and looks at me with those big hazel eyes. I examine his face for a quick second and I can tell he feels bad. 

"I'm sorry Shawn." I say and then close the door and pull out of the garage. As I drive away I see him standing there in the middle of the drive way. 

I'm breathing heavily as tears roll down my face. I don't want to leave Shawn, but I need to right now. I just need to think. Think about what I want and what I need.

I keep replaying last night in my head over and over again. I know he was drunk, but he knew what he was doing and saying. He does feel really bad about it.

I don't know what to do about anything anymore. 

I pull into the hotel I called late last night and I find a parking spot. I wipe up my tears and try to hide the fact that I was just crying.

I grab my bags and walk into the lobby. When the young lady at the front desk sees me her face lights up.

"Hi! You're Bella Castillo! Oh my gosh can I get a  picture?" She asks and grabs her phone.

"Yes of course." I say and smile for a selfie. She goes back behind the counter and puts her phone away.

"Okay here are your room keys." She says nicely and I take them. "Wait. Aren't you supposed to be living with Shawn Mendes?" She asks and I try to make up a lie really quickly.

"Umm. I uh..." I said and the phone started ringing. Thank God. She picked up the phone and so I waved her goodbye and went to the elevators.

On my way to up to my room floor my phone started ringing. I look and see that it's Shawn. I decline the call and put my phone on silent.

When I get to my room I just throw my bags on the ground and lay on the bed staring up at the ceiling. I decided to tell Lily what happened. She knows that I went to the party as Shawn's date, but I haven't told her about what happened yet.

Bella🌺: I need to tell you something really important. Are you busy?

Lily🌸: No I was actually just about to text you to see how last night went.😏

Bella🌺: it was awful. I'm not staying with Shawn right now. I left.

Lily🌸: What?! What happened?!

Bella🌺: He got really drunk and was making out with another girl. When I confronted him he said some really hurtful things. Then after I left the party he slept with the girl.

Lily🌸: OH MY GOD. Bella I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I wish I could be there with you right now to hug you. And go and cut off Shawns balls.

Bella🌺: I wish you were here too. He apologized and Saudi he made a mistake. I couldn't stay there though. I just need to think.

Lily🌸: Where are you staying? 

Bella🌺: A hotel. It's quiet here and right now that's what I need.

Lily🌸: I completely understand. What about Shawn's tour? You already agreed and signed a contract to go and open for him.

Bella🌺: I'm still going. I won't turn down a huge opportunity like that just because of my problems with Shawn.

Lily🌸:  Are you going to forgive Shawn?

Bella🌺: I want to. It's just really hard to do that at the moment.

Lily🌸: Well do you still have feelings for him?

Bella🌺: Yeah I do. I think that if or when I forgive him it won't be the same. It'll take some time for things to get back to the way they were.

Lily🌸: I think he'll understand that. 

Bella🌺: I hope so. 

Lily🌸: Alright well I've gotta go, but I'll text you later. I love you sister💗 You'll get through this!

Bella🌺:Thank you so much! I love you too sister💗

I put my phone away and then go to take a shower. I don't know if I should call Shawn right now or not. I want to, but I'm still upset and don't want to say something that I'll regret later.

I get in the shower and the feeling of the warm rays of water is really relaxing. I stand the under the water for a moment and just think.

I want to forgive Shawn. I will eventually. I can't just go back to the way thing were though. We are going to have to start over.

After I got out if the shower and got dressed in my sweat pants and a t-shirt I went and sat on the bed and watched tv.

I grab my phone and see that I have lots of missed texts and calls from Shawn. I open the messages and read through them.

Shawn: Bella please answer my calls.

Shawn: I'm so sorry for what I did. I never wanted to hurt you.

Shawn: please come back. I need you.

Shawn: Bella I know you see my messages. 

Shawn: Bella please. I messed up. I'm a stupid idiot for doing what I did and saying what I said. I can't stand knowing that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I hurt you. You deserve better than that. Let me give you better. I want to be better and give you what you deserve. I want you to  be mine. I want to hold you in my arms every day. I want to kiss those beautiful lips of yours every single day. I want to be able to tell people that I have the most amazing girl. You are the most amazing girl. 

Shawn: words can't describe how I feel about you. So please, at least let me know that you are safe.

I look at these messages long and hard. I should at least let him know I'm safe.

Bella💗🙌🏽: I'm safe. I'm at a hotel so you don't have to worry about me. Bye.

Shawn: No please don't go.

Bella💗🙌🏽: Shawn I don't want to talk right now.

Shawn: when will you want to talk? 

Bella💗🙌🏽: I don't know 

Shawn: Well then I'll wait. As long as it takes.

I didn't respond to him. I couldn't. I didn't know what to say to him. It's probably best that I didn't respond.

I know what I have to do. I just need a little time to get over what happened.