SATURN | PHILKAS ONE SHOTS

break [angst]

"Uh, Lukas and I are taking a break... we had a fight." Philip does his best to shrug it off like it isn't that big of a deal, even though all he wants to do is break down. Gabe knows this but doesn't say anything more about it.

He steps aside and let's Philip in, who thanks him and walks to the kitchen where Helen is and she offers a warm smile, clearly she heard what happened. She didn't speak a word but her smile is enough to let Philip know she's there when he needs her.

He trudges up the staircase, quickly finding his way to his old room and finding everything still intact. He figured he would put Gabe's promise to use one day and didn't take a whole lot with him when he moved out. On one wall was a cork board with polaroids pinned to it haphazardly. He doesn't focus too hard on it, there are pictures he'd rather not see on it.

He closes the door and walks to the bed, lowering himself onto it. It takes everything he has to not think about Lukas. He also had forgotten to grab his phone before he left.

He decides he should probably go to sleep, taking the bag from around his shoulders. He unzips the bag and runs a hand over the flannel before taking it out. He always loved it when Lukas wore it, it always smells like him and that is something Philip would always adore. He brings the fabric to his chest and lays back, finally allowing his emotions to take over his body.

This is your fault, you know that.

And he does, just doesn't know what he's supposed to do. He is the one who left, who started the fight, who blamed Lukas for not being there when he knows that it's not all his fault.

He stands up and strips off his jacket and his jeans (after toeing off his shoes, of course), poking his arms through the sleeves of the flannel and wrapping around himself. Giving a sigh of distress, he walks over to the cork board and pulls a few of the polaroids off, taking them back to his bed and sits on the edge.

He gives a sad smile and can't help but groan at himself because he feels like a teenage girl, weeping over some irrelevant and stupid thing like they all do in the movies.

The first picture is of Anne smiling like nothing bad could ever happen, and God, Philip can't begin to describe how deeply upset he still is by her loss. He misses her, everyday he longs for his mother but she isn't there. He wishes she was here so she could talk to someone about what is happening, so that when Lukas does leave, he might have someone to go to and feel just a little happy.

Next is a picture is of Lukas and he's smiling, looking off into a grove of trees that spread so vastly that it seems to go on forever, much like the ocean. The smile on his face is so pure and wonderful and genuine, the kind of smile that he would usually hide from everyone else.

A third picture is hidden behind that one, they had all taken it together. The writing below it reads 'Moving Day!'. It shows Helen, Gabe, Philip, and Lukas all in one small box and it makes his heart melt, remembering the day as if it was yesterday.

You miss him. Go back to him, Philip. Apologize.

A moment of contemplation flashes before him and then he's removing the plaid material and placing it back inside the bag and tugging his jeans back on. He flies down the stairs after slipping his jacket back on, he would come back for everything else later. His sudden burst of energy, sliding toward the front door, startles Helen and Gabe who are sitting in the living room watching a movie on cable.

"Everything alright?" Helen asks, a grin taking over her lips as if she already knew where the man was headed.

"Yeah.. just realized that I made a mistake." Then he was dashing out the door, jogging toward his car and heading down the road after starting the engine. Their apartment building was just outside of the city and so it would take him just a few minutes before he arrived. He let out a soft sigh as he looked the building up and down, walking up to their door. It's still unlocked when he reaches it, turning the knob.

"Lukas?" Philip waits a minute, for a response and one minute turns to two as he's walking toward their bedroom. The door is cracked and the light emitted from the lamp is dim. Philip pushes the door open slightly, greeted by the sight of Lukas curled up on their bed, facing the door, asleep.

Philip takes a few steps forward, the door creaking all the while, and Lukas stirs, cracking one eye open. He sits up, squinting at the doorway and is alarmed at first but then relaxes. "You're back." He smiles softly and Philip takes a few more steps toward the bed, sitting on the edge.

"Yeah," He pauses, running a hand through his hair. "Just couldn't stay away." He jokes with a sly smile. "I'm so sorry, Luka. It's not your fault that you're gone a lot, and I know that. I also know that you can't be here when you want to be. I just wish it was simpler, y'know? Like high school.. Well not exactly like high school but—I really overreacted and I'm sorry." Philip says and smiles fondly at his boyfriend who grinned back.

"It's okay, Phil. I get it, you missed me. I mean, you'd be mistaken not to. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm pretty fun to be around." Lukas smirked, reaching for Philip's hand and weaving their fingers together. It's Philip's turn to grin that toothy one that Lukas adores so much. Philip forces himself all the way into the bed, laying on his side with an elbow propping his head up, facing Lukas who moved to lay in the same position.

Philip inches long closer to his boyfriend and moves his arm so his head is laying against it and rests a hand against the base of his neck, connecting their lips softly. He can't help feeling this sense of home and safety, tangling a hand in Lukas's hair. The two smile against the other's mouth and it feels so right to just be there together. Long distance be damned, Philip doesn't care about any of that anymore.

Lukas wraps an arm around Philip's waist, pulling him so close it seems impossible and inches away, resting his forehead against Philip's.

"God, I love you." Philip whispers, eyes fluttering shut for a split second and Lukas smirks.

"I know." He pauses, pressing his face into the other man's neck and inhaling deeply, wrapping a leg around one of Philip's and tugging him closer, again. Somehow they'd moved apart. "I love you too."

If this is all they have for now, they are both content.

Just warm smiles and lazy kisses goodnight, words spoken in hushed tones. It's all they have, and they're okay with that.

I'm so bad at endings but I hope this was angsty enough for you all (can you even call this piece of trash angst???)