A Feast of Scraps - A Captain America Fanfiction

Ch 5 -Fight or Surrender

"Could be PTSD. Could be that you're just plain old sleep walking your trauma out. That's actually not that weird."

"Oh yeah? What are you Mr Encyclopedia?"

"I did some research. Probably not enough, but you can help with that now." I thunked my head hard against his and spoke softer. "Together. Okay? You don't get to run off and pull trees out of the ground like Hulk and leave me here by myself worried sick about you. Got it?"

"I'd be fine. Nothing can hurt me."

"Well, this stuff does. I know it scares the crap out of you." I ran my hand up to his hair and gently started sweeping it off his face. Maybe he wasn't ready to look me in the eye because he turned his nose into my neck.

How long had he gone without a loving touch. How long had I? Could you count the decades we'd both spent unconscious? Maybe not, but having a warm person in my arms was wonderful. I stroked his head and his hair was thick and surprising silky under my hand. A shudder went through him.

"This is when I'm supposed to cry, isn't it?" He laughed and it sounded haunted. "You know that I can't? They did this whole chapter on pain management and response, until I couldn't react even when I wanted to."

"I'm so sorry, Buck."

He shrugged a shoulder up under my chin. "Saves on toilet paper."

I laughed. He pulled up a little and looked down on me with this tiny smile. "What am I going to do with you?" he said. I could see the cords standing out in his neck, and my breath caught to see how hard he was trying to make all of this ok.

"You're going to stay," I said, and then I realized how needy that sounded, and felt myself blush. I turned my eyes away and Bucky shook his head.

"Maybe I'll team up with Hulk instead. Think he really could teach me to pull trees out of the ground?" he smiled down at me and I couldn't help but smile back. And it was as we were smiling at each other that he slowly leaned down and kissed me. It was his soft lips pressing down on mine and then he lifted up again and looked at me. It was a look you would give a piece of art in a gallery, and I don't mean when you love it. I mean when you can't figure out what it's supposed to be.

What was that? My eyes went wide and my mind went blank. He leaned down ever so slowly again, and kissed me longer this time, then lifted away for a moment and came right back down, gently brushing his lips over mine. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what I was supposed to do. And then I felt his tongue against my lips and everything kind of... slid sideways. My mouth decided it knew what to do about that and then our tongues were sliding together. My arms decided it was time to grab a hold of him and squeeze and all of that made my johnson wake up and stand to attention.

He moved above me and I realized he was hard too. I caught a frantic breath as he kissed my neck. "What... what are you doing?" My brain was trying to catch up with decisions my body seemed to have made all on its own.

He lifted up my t-shirt and his wet warm mouth over my nipple made me gasp.

I caught his wrists and held him still. "Why... You want... this?"

He laughed but it sounded a little shaky. "You sound like a cave man." He growled into my chest, "Me want yum yum," rubbing his rough stubble against my skin and then bit me, just a light touch of his teeth that sent a shiver down the length of my body.

"Seriously," I whispered. "Why are you doing this?"

His tongue lapped at the dips in my collarbones. His voice was light, mocking even. "If I'm going to kill you one of these days, maybe you don't want to die a virgin?"

I ground my teeth together and pushed him back. It was one thing to be bugged about my lack of experience from the rest of my friends, and it was entirely different for him to do it. Especially while kissing me.

"Hey," he said, "Lots of guys mess around in the army. There's no women around and men have needs."

"If you know me so well, then you know that I don't mess around." I tried to roll him off me but he pressed his head into my shoulder.

"Fuck, Steve, stop." He took a deep breath and I waited. "I just wanted to see... if we could. You're giving up everything."

So that's what this was about. "You don't owe me for God's sake."

His body was strung tight again above me. It was only when it was full of tension again that I realized how much he had let go just moments before. "Bullshit I don't. But... ergh God, just shut up for a second. That's not what I mean. I'm not, like trying to pay you for your services. I'm trying to see if we... fit."

"We fit in a lot of ways. That's enough."

He pulled back and searched my face, all of his light bravado gone. "Can I at least show you what you're missing before you make that decision? It's been a long time, and I... miss it."

"You miss...?"

He bit his top lip and his eyes skated off mine. "Kissing. Touching. Getting off. Hell, having someone want me for something other than killing people and stealing things."

Author's Note:

This one is such a cliff hanger, I think I'll be a kind author today (in celebration of the kick off of my blog tour for Root of the Spark), and post the next bit today as well. 

Here's today's blog tour post, if you'd like to enter to win a free ebook! www.queer.scifi.com/guest-post-root-of-the-spark-by-michele-fogal/ 

Hearts,

Michele