Help me

I'm glad you are okay, bro

"Its okay" Josh sniffed lightly.

"Hey man, lets talk about something else?" He moves to the couch and sits. Josh drops down next to him. It doesn't take very long for Josh to rest his head against Chris's shoulder. 

"Its been really hard, Chris. It was terrible. Starving, think you had all left me. Eating people. Having my face ripped open. Throwing up after eating. Being ignored and spat on by other patience. All the medication." Josh was crying. Chris could feel each sob. 

"Hey, no. Its all over right?" He hugged his friend.

"Its not though! My face is never going to be the same and its all my fault!"

He made sure to look Josh in the eyes. "It was Mike and I who left you out in the shed."

"I bought everyone up to the cabin again."

"No, none of this was your fault." Chris shook his head.

"I'm so stupid. Just for revenge, I put everyone in danger."

"Josh-"

"Chris, you almost died that night. Not to mention the trama I put you you through. I made you choose me or Ashley and you chose me. Oh god, you chose me and I still had to 'kill' myself. You thought I was dead. You touched my face, you were crying. Then I made you choose yourself or Ash and you chose yourself! What kind of shitty friend am I? I am so sorry, Chris."

The look on Josh's face was one he'd seen before. Back when Hannah and Beth-really just Beth-had died Josh looked this dismal all the time. 

"I don't blame you for anything that happened. I was glad when I saw it was you. Well not at first, but after the initial shock. I was happy you were alive. We treated you pretty shitty."

"I don't care, I was pretty far gone." Josh whips his eyes.

"I shouldn't have hit you for hitting Ashley. I shouldn't have said any of those awful things. I shouldn't have threatened you. I'm sorry, Josh." He now shared the look. All the guilt of that night off his chest felt good. But it brought everything back.

"Let's just agree to be sorry together."

Chris nodded with a  slight smile. "Sure, man."

There was reluctance in his friends voice. "How are you and Ash? Spill it, Cochise."

This was a look he himself often gave. A disappointed glance to the floor and a grimace. 

"Why not?"

"When we both came down from the mountain. There was so many bad memories already. We both kind of agreed that we didn't want to date."

"Oh," Josh is silent for a bit. "I'm sorry dude, you really liked her."

He shrugs. "Not that much, and the whole ordeal opened my eyes to the real kind of person she is."

"Don't try to slip that shit past me, dude."Josh quirks and eyebrow and the medical mask raises. "I saw how you looked at her."

"Well I wanted to come find you, and it was taking all my time to get a team together." He didn't have time, he was calling and begging and presenting evidence. There wasn't any time to have a girlfriend. He just wanted Josh back. 

"Aw, Cochise, you're the best." Josh pushed his shoulder lightly and chuckled. "Have you talked to anyone else really?"

"Just Sam, I offered her a position on the rescue team but she said she didn't  want to be on the mountain ever again."

"Oh man, Sam. Shit, we were close. She probably hates me."

Why, when Josh said they were close, did Chris feel hurt? Why did this bother him? His heart ached. Why was this bothering him? 

"I want to tell her I'm sorry."

"Well, I'll ask her, then drop you off tomorrow."

"You would do that?"

"Of course, bro."

"I want to say sorry to everyone."

"I'm not sure how everyone really feels about you. I think some would forgive you but I don't know."

"You think it's a possibility?"

"Well yah." No one was that mean, right? Josh had been through to much to be treated that way, "At some point everyone will forgive you, I'm sure."

Josh gave him a look that seemed skeptical. "If you say so man. I'm super tired, is there some place I could crash?"

Chris's small apartment only had one bedroom (not very big), only one bath (barely fit two people), a small living room (one couch, a T.V. his parents gave him, and a coffee table to stand the T.V. on.), and a tiny kitchen. 

The bedroom was big enough for a queen bed and a nightstand. This left him only about 2 feet walking space on either side of his bed. The bathroom and his room were connected. The kitchen was adjacent  to the living room. It had a bar but he never used it, there wasn't any  space for stools. That was because he had a small round raised up table with its own stools crammed into the small space between windows and kitchen bar. It was a nice working space but now the large windows only made his PTSD go crazy. His couch faced away from the kitchen and towards the wall, where the T.V. sat.

There was only two places for Josh to really stay. His small extremely uncomfortable to sleep on couch, or his bed.

"I've just been though a lot and need a rest."

"You can just use my bed." It wasn't anything different from anything else they had done. Josh had crashed there before and even crashed in it with Chris. But for some reason it felt weird to say. Josh fidgeted. Was he blushing?

"Are you sure, man?"

"Yah, where else are you going to stay? Not on the floor. You've probably been doing that for too long."

"Yah, I have." Josh laughed and yah that was a blush, and a nervous laugh. What was going on?"

"You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?"

"Of course, dude." Josh stood up.

"Alright, well have a good rest." He smiled at his best friend.

"Hell yah. Best sleep in weeks."