Recovery (Astarion BG3 Fan Fiction)

20: Alarum

"Oh - funny that none of us thought of that. What did you have to do?"

"Nothing difficult - I still have access, since I never technically quit. The funny thing is, all of the Szarr estate's assets were already set up to be placed in a trust - he just never assigned a beneficiary. All I had to do was put down Astarion's information and forge a few signatures." Aysla wonders who Cazador would have thought to leave everything to. Perhaps no one, considering he never planned to die? But then why begin creating a trust in the first place?

Shadowheart looks at Aysla consideringly. "You do an awful lot for him. Most partners don't take the time to make you breakfast, let alone murder your ex-master and plan your finances for you at the end of it to boot."

Aysla cocks her head. "I guess so - it was my job, after all, before all of this. I figured I'd just take care of all the little strings, so he doesn't have to worry about them later."

Shadowheart considers before asking her next question. "Do you think it's... a good idea for him to Ascend?" she steels herself for Aysla's defensiveness to be triggered. "I know you care about him - that much is clear. But I feel like it's a battle between what he wants versus needs."

"I'd be lying if I said it hadn't given me... pause," she admits. "But it's not my place. I'd hate for anyone to tell me how to handle my revenge, if it were me in his shoes."

"But that's the thing - I mean, I just notice that you haven't even mentioned it. Your own revenge. Do you plan for it?" Shadowheart softens her voice. "All of us here seem to be running towards avenging ourselves, in each of our own ways. And you're planning, and leading, and paving the way. But what of you?"

"I guess mine just isn't as urgent," Aysla says, looking at a spot on the ground. "Or meaningful. If I come across him, I'll kill him, and that will be that. But it won't change anything. I know that much. The damage is done. I don't pretend to believe that revenge will make me feel better."

"I'm sorry," Shadowheart says, looking genuine. "That is one thing that still rings true to me, of all Shar's teachings. Some things that are lost remain lost. We're wise to embrace it. But some things, too, are yet to be found. I'm glad you two seem to make each other so happy - it's been a joy to see. You were rather dour at the beginning of this, you know," she says with a playful smile. "And now you're such a ray of sunshine, it makes me want to vomit."

"Maybe Shar would like me. I think I'm quite at peace with my loss - who would be without it? Rather boring, probably," Aysla jests.

"Right... I just hope that whatever transpires tomorrow, all will work out for the best. And it will be all thanks to you. I don't think a one of us has given a single idle thought to the legal implications of any of our actions thus far, let alone actually started the paperwork."

Aysla chuckles at then, then starts for her tent to wash up and change. As she does, she thinks of revenge. If she saw Davidus or one of her other violators, in front of her, now, she would surely kill them. But she's not driven by it. She's not hurtling towards it as if it's the only thing that matters.

Yet her heart is so much lighter than it was, at the start of her journey. She was booze-soaked and suicidal, and now she hums and smiles and plans for the future - a future that until recently, she had no desire to be a part of.

Revenge would just be what it was - a making right of wrong, a balancing of karmic scales. But it would not heal her. Love did that. So she compartmentalizes it. She can't carry all of the weight of the pain and rage all of the time; it's exhausting.

But then, Astarion seems to manage to. Whether he intercept the Rite and Ascends, come tomorrow, is not what worries her.

She worries because in the several months since she met him, Astarion has spoken of little else but his revenge. It consumes his thoughts. He seems to think that if he simply kills one man, everything will be right in the world once more.