Glimpse Of Us | JEGULUS

15 | maybe we should just try to tell ourselves a good lie

"It feels like there's a house elf banging a hammer against the inside of my skull," James announced as he plopped down at the table with his friends. The three boys looked up at him and he frowned, "Is everything okay?"

"Well-" Peter began but Sirius was quick to begin, "No! Everything is not okay." James was taken aback by this but the boy continued without hesitation, "You've been M.I.A. since the start of term. We barely see you anymore. We miss you."

James shook his head, "I'm-"

"Busy?" Remus filled in with a raised eyebrow, "We've heard that one before, James, but I don't think that's gonna cut it anymore."

"I don't understand what's happening right now," James shook his head as he stood up, "And I'm far too hungover for this conversation. Can we talk about it later?"

"Where were you last night?" Sirius asked.

"I was with you guys and-"

"After that," he countered, "After you thought we were all asleep? I wasn't. I saw you go into the Room of Requirement but it was too late by the time I got there. What were you doing?"

James's jaw went slack at this, "You were following me?"

"I wouldn't have to if you weren't keeping things from me."

"Oh, Sirius," Remus frowned.

"You don't do that, Sirius!" James exclaimed and he didn't care if other people were watching now. "You don't get to know every single detail of my life! If I choose to keep something from you, did you ever consider that maybe there's a reason? That I didn't want you to know?"

Sirius shook his head, "No, I didn't consider that. We've never kept things from each other before. Sorry that I was stupid enough to think that that wouldn't change."

"You crossed a line," he accused.

"I just want my best friend back!" he shouted and James swallowed heavily. "Because the person I'm looking at is not the person I called my brother." Sirius walked away at this, glaring at those who were looking at him with pity.

James fell back into his seat, a look of disbelief clear on his face. Remus appeared torn, glancing between his retreating friend and James. "Go," James gestured with his head. "Go after him, it's fine."

"James-"

"Please, Moony," he requested, "Just go." Remus frowned but stood up and went after Sirius who had already left the Great Hall.

"James?" Peter inquired.

"Yes, Wormtail?" he replied and the exhaustion was clear on his face.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

Once breakfast had ended, James made his way to the infirmary. His headache had yet to subside and he was hoping Pomfrey would give him some Calming Draught so he could sleep the whole day away.

"Pomfrey?" James called out and the women appeared from around the corner. "Are you busy?"

"I can always spare a moment for you, James," she said with a smile as she removed her gloves. "Come here," she said as she tapped the empty bed, "Have a seat, tell me what's wrong."

"Where do I start?" he said with a laugh.

"Let's start with what I can fix."

"I have a pounding headache," he admitted.

She nodded as she searched through the drawers, "I heard about what happened in the Great Hall this morning."

James grimaced, "I'm afraid everyone did."

"You and Sirius never fight."

"Never say never," he suggested. "Because I would have said the same and yet, here we are." He tapped his fist against his leg, "Could I use some Calming Draught?" he requested. "I - I just want to sleep."

"How are the dreams?"

He hesitated. He could pretend that they were back to normal but what good would that do for him. "I think they've gotten worse," he admitted.

She nodded in understanding, "It seems like you've been under a lot of stress lately. Even if your body has physically healed, the emotional healing takes a lot longer. Sometimes those scars last forever."

"Thanks for making me feel better, Poppy."

She smiled sadly, "Hey, you're the one who's say to-"

"Never sugar coat it, yes," he nodded. "Today I probably could have used that."

"Here," she said, handing him a cup, "Drink this. It'll help with your head and you can rest. I'll check in on you in a bit."

James looked around the room in confusion. It was dark and he was tied down to a chair. He tried to move but was unable to.

He frowned as an outline of a person approached him. "Sirius?" he spoke in confusion. "Padfoot, what's going on? Where are we?"

"Don't call me that," he practically spat, "You lost the right to call me that a long time ago."

Bellatrix stepped up behind him and James's eyes widened as the woman pushed Sirius' chin up. "Go on, Sirius. He took everything from you. Now's your chance to make your parents proud."

Sirius raised his wand without hesitation, "Crucio." The pain was excruciating, just as he remembered it. Maybe even worse. Seemingly not satisfied, Sirius said again, "Crucio!"

James shot up with a gasp, his body coated in layers of sweat, clutching the sheets beneath. He looked around the room in panic, trying to figure out where he was.

Curtains, medicine, strong smells of chemicals. He was just in the infirmary. He was safe. There was nobody here who wanted to hurt him. He had nothing to worry about.

James fell back against his bed with a sigh. Even if it wasn't real, this was something that would be stuck with him forever.