𝐕𝐄𝐗𝐄𝐃 ❷

𝟓𝟕. ✭ 𝐋𝐔𝐊𝐄 ✭

I remember all those years without Malyssa and not one single time did I ever give anyone else that part of me. Not until I met Denver. Prior to that there's no way I would've relinquished that to anyone other than Malyssa.

"Also, Den, you know vanilla has never been my favorite flavor." I make a point of looking over his olive complexion, hoping he registers exactly what I was previously trying to convey.

"You're saying you've been uninterested in sex because you need to top." He quirks a brow in question and in understanding. "Is that what I am hearing you say?"

"That is exactly what you are hearing me say. I will not feel safe giving up any more control. I have already given away too much as it is. I need to have control in all matters right now." My tone authoritarian, one usually preserved exclusively for my working environment.

"Luke... I don't know if..."

I hold up a hand knowing what he's going to say already with, "I know you can't which is why I have been uninterested. It's not about you. It's about me and my specific set of needs right now."

"I guess I could... try? I mean, if that's what you really need?" His brow knits with, "but I cannot take your cock. It's huge. It took Mal forever to be able to take it back there and I have never had anything in my ass aside from fingers and tongues. You can't expect me to be able to or even really want to. No offense."

I let out a sigh of frustration because I'm fully aware of the size of my penis. Yes, great, I have a big cock. Most people would be thrilled. But then there's also sexual situations where I could actually hurt my partner with my size and girth. Sometimes all the lube in the world still won't make it pleasurable for your partner. Example; my current situation.

"So... I guess... I'm sorry." Denver shakes his head a few times after he'd uttered the apology, like he's trying to dispel a thought process but can't. He ultimately looks at me brokenly and states, "I always knew Mal was a mandatory facet of our relationship but I don't think I ever realized we wouldn't work without her."

"What!?" I nearly yell, immediately taken aback by that statement. Taking a worried step toward him I ask, "what do you mean we wouldn't work?" Anxiety courses through me at the thought of not just losing one of them but both of them. "As in if something happened to her we wouldn't make it? Are you saying I could lose you too?"

I am losing control that's for sure.

Control. Control. Control.

I need some semblance of control. Right about fucking now.

When he doesn't say anything for another solid minute my inner turmoil has me pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration with, "can you please elaborate on that?"

Preferably before I have a complete mental breakdown over being abandoned by the people I love more than anything.

"You're vers and a switch. So is Mal. You both can be both. I can't be both." He looks like he's in physical pain at whatever is going on in his mind. "I wouldn't be enough for you."

"Denver, you are more than enough for me." I close the distance between us, putting my palm on his shoulder with, "I love you. You know that."

"I understand that but I don't think there's ever been a time, throughout our entire relationship, where I have felt sexually inadequate. This situation," he gestures offhandedly, "is showing me that I may not be able to fulfill your sexual needs... or you mine without her."

We have never once had a conversation like this and I am feeling completely blindsided. I'm also starting to panic because a flashback plays in my head of not being enough. Not being what Mal wanted and leaving me. Those were some of the worst years of my life after that.