"Are you sure?"
"Very sure. I know you love me so nothing else matters.."
That sentence rang in my head for the rest of day. Was it really that simple? I couldn't understand how it could be so simple for her to grasp.
Was knowing deep down that someone loved you enough to not question every little thing. Maybe it was an insecurity thing or maybe I just needed to get out of my head.
The day went by beautifully and I loved every second. In that moment love was enough. I was sure of that.
After we left the rage room and we went to get something to eat, but the entire time that swirled around in my head. I couldn't get it out of my head.
"Brandy?" She looked up and arched her eyebrow in question.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" She said as looked up at me with furrowed brows.
"Making you feel like you had to do all of these things to make me believe you cared when I honestly knew that you did.."
"I didn't do this because of that though. Nothing I do for you is out of some obligation... you know that. You have nothing to be sorry for.."
Her words were sincere but they were wrong. I had a lot to be sorry for. I began to have an intense feeling of guilt. If she was able to use the love she had for me to get through anything, why couldn't I do the same?
How could I let my temporary anger make me feel like it was okay to even entertain whatever those interactions were?
I still wasn't sure what to call them, but I knew now more than ever that I was wrong. Why was it so easy for me to just put the blame on her? I was wrong. Very wrong.
Suddenly I didn't have an appetite or more like I felt like throwing up.
"Baby? You okay?"
"No I don't feel good..."
"Okay, I'll get the check and some boxes but just go sit in the car.." She handed me her car keys and I got up swiftly walking towards the car.
I made it inside and took a deep breath as I waited for her. This sudden realization hit me like a truck.
I felt sick, sad, and guilty all in one that I let some unknown factor dictate the I treat someone I love. How could I do that?
"Monica!"
I blinked a couple of times to realize Brandy was already in the car.
"Are you okay?"
"Y-yeah just ready to go home.." She nodded and pulled out of the parking lot. The drive went by fast and the next thing I knew I was in bed while Brandy rubbed my back from behind me.
Again, I felt guilty. Here I was in the wrong yet she was comforting me and I couldn't find the courage to even tell her why I felt so sick.
"I gotta go pick up the kids are you going to be okay by yourself?" She asked and I nodded into the pillow. She kissed my forehead and walked out the room.
I need to get my shit together.
Brandy's pov
"Try to be quiet y'all. I don't know if mommy went to sleep.." I warned the kids as I led them to Monica and I's bedroom.
They were begging to see her and I informed them she wasn't feeling well, but they insisted seeing her.
I slowly cracked open and my warning went completely out the window as the ran straight in jumping on the bed. I shook my head and followed them inside to find Monica sitting up in bed looking way better than she did when I left.
Butterflies🥀
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