𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐄 🝮︎︎︎︎︎︎︎ 𝒽.ℳ

𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕪 𝕕𝕒𝕪

Hey yall, i have no idea why i am writing this in a book where it has no place in it but i have to tell this to someone because if i'll not i'll explode for real and i cant take this anymore......

This is not part of the story but i would be so gratefull if you all would read what i am about to write and give me some advice how to calm myself down or something

So basiclly when its about calming down, of course it has to be school....

We have a... lets say dumb, i mean no she is not that dumb but she just doesn't teach like it is suppose to, i have this kind of teacher in history, its like whenever she gives us a lesson to study we just have to read it and then in school we do not discuss about it, we read some couple questions and some of them she answers for it, so i just never seriously study history or just read it and partly it is my own fault too, cause i am lazy

So this week that teacher is sick so we have another one for short time, its principal, she was also teaching us subject which was revolved around history do she knows our class and me, i was A+ student, always active, i still am, not that active but A student in history too because we all always cheat, she does not say anything about it so yeah

Today the principal started asking some questions, interesting what we know! Yeah we dont know anything and she was shocked, how the hell could we not and then she came up to me like why do you not know, or smh like ,,you were A student you are not anymore?" And i didn't know what to say she just walked off

At the end of the lesson she turned to me, saying i prefer the old you, i dont like new you

I just wanted to cry there, right in that moment, just cry, nothing more, but somehow i managed not to

Bro, that words hurted me so much, and now that i think what i am most hurt about is that i dont want to dissapoint my family, they are proud of me and i want them to be always and forever proud of me and that words just, i dont know, its disaster, i cant even tell mom, because it is also my fault that i got lazy knowing that nobody would ask me about the lesson and not even read it once so i cant fully blame it on teacher, it is also mine

I am starting to think that i am a dissapointment, i just want them to be proud, they need to be proud of me, i cant tell mom because of my fault in it also, she will get mad at me and i dont want my mom getting mad because i love her beautiful smile that i'll even die for and i hate it when i am reason she's mad, and mostly i just want her to be proud of me for a long time, the guilt, the hurt, the anger, the sadness, its all inside of me and i am trying not to do something crazy, i just- i need help or else i am gonna do something crazy

School just started and its already abusing my mental issues...

Thanks if you read this, not left it as fast as you could when you saw it was not part of the story❤️❤️

I would be so gratefull if some of you had helped me right now, i need it and i dont have anyone to give it to me, and i think i have you guys