"That's probably been there for months, heaps of weird shit has fallen down those seats" Matt tells him before beginning to drive. Come to think of it, what the fuck even is Matt's plan?
"Hey Matthew, what's the plan?" I ask him, opening the glove box. What? He's my ex boyfriend, I'm allowed to be nosy n shit. My stomach rumble-grumbles as it catches sight of a bunch of orange packaging. This fuck has a Reese's stash and yes I'm helping myself.
Matt seems unphased by me chomping down on a block of Reese's, "Well, we're going to stop at the CVS over there and get some pills".
Both me and Bolley stop eating and whip our heads to face Matt, deep and grave concern painted on our faces. I knew Matt had violent tendencies but making a bitch overdose? Is he mentally stable? , "Um Matt, what do you mean by that?".
"Laxatives, dumbass" he tells me, rolling his eyes. Woah okay, I didn't ask for the Mattitude. "I'm not killing anyone, I'm just going to make sure this Skye bitch shits so hard their date is completely ruined".
Me and Bolley nod slowly while letting out a collective, "Ohhh". I knew Matthew didn't have a sinister bone in his body, what did I tell you? 🤗
Anyways, Matt then makes the sharpest turn fucking ever into the parking lot of a CVS and slams his breaks. He then pulls the keys out, "Let's go".
"I'll stay in the car" Bolley chimes in, clearly snapping back and forth with Nicolas. I roll my eyes.
Matt and I then begin to walk off into CVS and wow this feels so strange. If you told me last night I'd be walking into a CVS store with Matthew Bernard Sturniolo to buy laxatives I'd tell you you're LYING!
Once we reach the pill aisle, we both begin scanning through the boxes. "We need the quickest option. One that's going to cause some motherfuckin explosively loud diarrhoea" Matt says as he looks through all the tiny boxes.
I help him look, and then I find a little pink box of powder satchels that promises a stool relief in about 20-30 minutes. I show this to him, and he smiles an approving smile. Skye, get ready to shit like a machine.
We're walking to the checkout, my hand clasped around our victims pills when he makes a little detour. Where the hell is he going? I awkwardly stand in my spot near the conveyer belt, the annoyed worker staring me down.
Matt then reappears a few moments later and oh my god, he's holding on to a huge purple blob which I know almost instantly is a squishamallow, "I owe you one of these".
I can't help but break out into a massive grin as he hands me the octopus squishmallow. Like yeah, I know we are not dating but this is the most romantic thing ever. This is what it looks like:
Йой! Нажаль, це зображення не відповідає нашим правилам. Щоб продовжити публікацію, будь ласка, видаліть його або завантажте інше.
I'm telling Matt thank you over and over again as he places the octopus on the conveyer belt, the laxatives right next to its butthole, haha ironic.
"Yolly, I promise not to stab it this time" he tells me with a sneaky, goofy grin as we're walking out of CVS, me clutching onto my octopus and him swinging the tiny bag containing the constapation tablets.
