The Switch

Chapter 10: Will

Never have I been so irritated with someone I love. I don't understand why Hayley had to lie to me about who she was talking to. I would've understood that she was talking to Kyle. Well, to some degree.

Her conversation didn't really reveal whether or not she's actually contemplating going back to him. I couldn't hear his response when she asked if he was dating Courtney, but I assume it was a yes. That should stop her from going back to him, right?

Fuck, all this worrying about what she's doing is going to be my demise. I haven't even told her my feelings. Ever. Not once have I told her that I liked her or like her for that matter. The fact that it keeps happening, though, must be a sign.

I hate that I walked away from her again, but I don't want to yell at her. She should think about how lying makes me feel, though. I groan and lie back on my bed. Should I tell her how I feel? I ask myself. I don't want to fuck this up, what if she doesn't feel the same way?

I'll sleep on it. I crawl under the covers and doze off.

***

It's been five days since I walked out on our conversation for a second time. She apologized for lying and I apologized for walking away. We've talked like normal but things feel different today.

Neither of us have left the apartment since our breakups. We contemplated going to the library yesterday, but we never went. Now, Hayley is reading something on her phone. She glances up at me every few minutes. I'm not staring at her. At least not now.

She just caught me staring a second ago. I'm trying to talk myself into telling her that I like her. But at the same time, I'm trying to talk myself out of telling her. It's been back and forth like this since the day she called Kyle. As far as I know, she hasn't called him since then. That makes me feel better.

It's about noon now and Hayley just got up to go to the kitchen. I assume she's making something for lunch. I take this time as the perfect time to tell her how I feel. Slowly, I make my way to the kitchen. Hayley is standing at the counter, facing away from me.

When she hears me come in, she turns around. She's holding a butter knife and I can now see that she's making sandwiches. It's not like there's anything else to make. "You hungry?" she asks with a smile.

I don't say anything as I continue walking towards her. She backs up a little, her back against the counter. When I reach her, I slightly lean over her, causing her to lean back over the countertop. I put my hand on her lower back and pull her closer to me.

She looks up at me and I search her face for any signs of fear. I don't find any. I bring my mouth to hers, but before I kiss her, I whisper against her lips, "I like you."

Hayley lets out a quiet gasp before I press my lips to hers. She doesn't pull away. No, she kisses me back. When she does, it feels different than any other kiss I've shared. She drops the butter knife on the floor as I brush my tongue over her lips and she parts them for me, allowing me to slip my tongue inside. Her tongue finds its way into my mouth and roams around, grazing every inch before she pulls away.

Hayley blushes and brings her hand to her mouth, her palm facing outwards. She's hiding her smile. I reach up and grab her hand, bringing down to her side. I don't let go of it while I look into her eyes intently. She says nothing as she tries to turn around.

I don't let her and she frowns. "I'm hungry," she says.

With a laugh, I say, "Fine." I let go of her hand and back away from her. Leaning against the wall facing the counter, I watch her. She bends down to pick up the butter knife and then rinses it off in the sink. She goes back to making the sandwiches and eventually turns around.

Hayley hands me one as she passes me and walks back to the couch. At this point, it's basically her couch. I walk back to the living room as well and this time, sit on the couch next to her.

She looks up at me as I take a bite of my sandwich. I'm not going to force her to say anything about what just happened. Or about my confession. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care that she's not saying anything, though. I want her to say something about it more than anything right now. And that's saying a lot, since I really want to kiss her again.

She raises her eyebrows and begins eating, averting her eyes from me. I do the same and finish my sandwich within a few minutes. Once she finishes hers, she asks me, "What was that?"

"What was what?"

Hayley clears her throat and nods her head in the direction of the kitchen. A smile slowly spreads across my face. "Oh, yes. That."

"Go on," she says.

"Well, I think it's pretty obvious what that was."

Her face flushes and she looks away from me. "I don't know what to say, Will."

"I'm sorry," I say quickly.

To my surprise, her head snaps up to look at me. "Why are you saying sorry? Don't apologize."

"I thought you didn't like the kiss, or you're mad at me for kissing you," I tell her.

She shakes her head. "It's not that I didn't like the kiss. It was.. better than any other kiss. But I'm scared. I don't want to get hurt again, and I trust you. Yet I'm still scared."

"Hayley, I promise you, I will never hurt you. I want to protect you from the people that hurt you. I like you a lot. If you need time, I understand," I say reassuringly.

With a sigh, she replies, "I like you too, but if we're going to do this, we have to take it slow. I don't want to rush into this and have it be doomed from the start."

All I can manage to get out is a quiet, "Okay." I nod and smile at her, letting her know I'm happy with what she said. When did it become so hard to speak around her? I take a deep breath in and begin telling her something I thought I'd never share with anyone, "I've liked you seven times. Seven consecutive times since we met in the sixth grade."

"Seven?" she asks, her mouth hanging open in shock.

I nod and continue, "The moment we met, I knew I was going to crush on you. When I finally worked up the courage to tell you, you said you liked another guy in our class. And every time since then, you've been in a relationship, or trying to be in one."

"I'm so sorry," she blurts out.

"It's my fault, not yours. I was just always too late. But now, we have a chance, don't we?" I ask hopefully.

Hayley grins at me and reaches toward me to give me a hug. I scoot closer to her and wrap my arms around her. She does the same to me and gives me a tight squeeze.