The Boy I Knew

12. A Lie & Promise

"Erwin." Hange smiled, in an almost knowing way.

"Erwin it is, then."

----

Hange dropped you off, just outside of the gate in Wall Rose, but didn't stay around for long. They mentioned something about regrouping in Trost. Having gotten away from Reiner, you felt this was the perfect chance to talk to Erwin. He stood off to the side, talking with soldiers; everyone in uniforms and green capes. Levi was the first one to notice you when you approached, Erwin's back turned to you. He held a hand up to tell you to wait, as if what they were talking about, they didn't want you to hear. While you waited, the sun vanished behind gray clouds that opened up to rain. Not bothering to seek any sort of shelter from it, you enjoyed the cool feel of it.

Erwin turned away and headed straight for you. He looked so serious and coupled with the rain, it made him intensely more attractive. Neither of you said anything as he reached you. He lifted up the leather necklaces that fell just between your chest. You could have sworn your heart was going to beat out of your chest. It took the brush of his skin as he laid it back down for you to start crying. The stress from the past day had caught up to you and now Erwin was looking at you in shock, like he had never seen someone cry before.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize what it was like for you." You threaded your arms underneath his green cape and pressed your cheek against his chest, not caring who saw. His arms snaked around you, placing a hand at the nape of your neck. Right now, all you wanted was for him to hold you like this.

"Y/N..." Lifting your head up to look at him. The rain masked the tears in his eyes. "I hate to see you like this. What happened?"

"I thought I could help, so I convinced Miche to take me with him." Having calmed yourself enough to speak, you told him everything that happened since you left, hoping that he believed you. Reiner, nor Bert, were there so you felt comfortable talking about it.

"I believe you." Taking off his now soaked cape, he wrapped it around your shoulders. It didn't do much to dampen the cold, but it did provide a sense of comfort. The smell of amber and soap filled your senses. His blue eyes were filled with concern. It was a relief knowing that he didn't doubt what you said.

"I won't let on that I know. Now that we know what - or who - they want, we can bait them out of hiding. But I don't want you doing something like this again." He took your face into his hands and met your lips with his. "I care about you too much to let you go." You gently pressed your lips to the palm of his hand as he was taking it away.

"Come back with me? I don't want to be alone."

"I can't right now." A cracking sound came from behind you and you didn't need to turn to know it was lightning. And just like that, he was gone again. You had him, then you didn't. Erwin's face became the stoic soldier's again before he ran off without saying another word, cadets following him in flight. You watched them head toward the commotion, this time you were able to see the Colossal partially formed on top of the wall, ribcage holding it up. Wanting to follow after Erwin, you knew that it would be pointless trying to catch up to him now.

----
Two days had passed and you sat on the bed at your house. You stared at your laced up boots as light from the window spilled over them. You had all but moved in with Erwin, but now empty bags lay at your feet, their contents having been put back in their rightful place. With Reiner and Bert gone and Eren saved, you weren't sure what was planned. You had convinced him to let you return home, promising to come by often when you could.

He had lost his arm getting Eren back and it left you torn between wanting to take care of him and the wound and not wanting to be there to look at it. Hating that he was hurt, but thankful he was alive. Smiling, you remember that morning. He seemed well enough to sit up in bed and let you change the bandages. Pulling you into his lap, he kissed you.

"It looks like you need a shave." Chuckling, you grabbed a razor and shaving cream and set them next to a bowl of water on the nightstand.

"So now you're taking to shaving me? I must be in a poor state."

"No, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to straddle your lap." He had found out through Connie and Hange the following day that all titans, in some form or fashion, came from humans. Not taking it well, he retreated into himself. You hadn't left his side since. Straddling his lap, he let you shave his face, a small smile teased the corner of his lips. He was hard underneath you, but didn't make any move, other than to rest his hand on your hip.

"It could use some work." He said as you held up a mirror in front of him to get his approval. Giving him the cheesiest smile you could muster, you wanted his mood to lift. Cradling your face in his hand, he pulled himself up to place another soft kiss on your lips.

"Now that Reiner and Bertholdt are gone, you're welcome to go back to your home. I won't hate you for leaving."

"I don't want to leave you."

"I know, but I don't want to bore you over the next week or two. I'll be busy nonstop with tying up loose ends with what just happened, plus we need to plan on what to do about Zeke and Eren. If what you say is true, and I do believe you, then they could very well still be after him. He's expecting you to bring Eren to him, now that he doesn't have anyone else to do it for him." It made sense.

"Lure him out?"

"And put you in danger again? I don't think so." He was back to his serious self. You gave him a pout, causing him to wipe his thumb over your lips. Kissing him on the corner of his mouth, you teased him by running your hand along his length. It twitched underneath your palm.

"Sounds like I need to get packing, then." He watched you with a grin on his face as you put on clothes and packed your bags. There was only one more thing you needed to do before you left.

The notebook that you stuck his letter in was partly filled with memories that you had of him. Wanting to do something sweet for him, you planned on leaving it in his desk where he'd find it. You made your way to his office on your way out. Opening one of the top drawers, you found a folded up piece of paper. It was old and had started to yellow.

Curious, you picked it up and replaced it with the notebook. You opened it to find that it was a letter. It was written in Erwin's handwriting, though it wasn't as neat as it was today. Assuming that it was from when he was training, you decided to scan over it.

My Beloved Marie,

That gentle voice, forever... My nights have been sleepless once I was charmed by you... I will bring joy to us both as proof that I've become a heroic soldier...

While the paper was years old, you stood there in silence. Marie? Nile's wife? He wasn't in love with her was he? If this was from years ago, why keep it? Suddenly feeling insecure, you placed the letter on top of the notebook and closed the drawer.

Birds chirping outside pulled your mind out of your thoughts. You hadn't bothered to speak to Erwin on your way out, not wanting to bother him with your feelings with everything he's been through. Hurt, you made up your mind. Not wanting to cause more trouble for Erwin, you'd take matters into your own hands and bring Eren to Zeke. As soon as you got the chance.