Our Only Exception

Chapter Six

Chapter Six 

I walked into the apartment to find Adalie stretched out on our couch, reading one of the Twilight books that she loved. "Soo..." She casually said once she saw me, setting her book down and looking up at me.  

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we kissed." I said, once again not hiding the smile that seemed like it would never leave my face.  

"That's all you have to say for yourself, missy? Tell me all of it please!" I agreed right away and told her the whole story, from when we left the school to when I dropped him back off there. "Oh. My. Goodness. That's so adorable! I'm really glad that you told him, hun. You deserve to have someone other than me and your family there for you." She hugged me and I thanked her.  

"Kay?" James whispered softly, walking up to us.  

"James, are you feeling better?" I asked softly, letting go of my best friend and walking over to him.  

"Yes, but I'm tired." He explained, rubbing his little eye before I picked him up and walked him over to the couch to sit with us. We all sat there with a blanket wrapped around us for about an hour before I started having strong doubts.  

Holding James in my arms, I began to wonder if what I'd done was best for him. I was sure that my ultimate goal was to adopt him, and I wasn't sure if kissing or telling Christian would do any help in getting me there. In fact, I was starting to consider the fact that it would hinder me from reaching that goal.  

Suddenly the giddy feeling I'd had the whole evening went away completely and a rush of unease and uncertainty came over me. I had to talk to Christian right then. Since James had fallen back asleep, I told Adalie I would be right back and then put him to bed. After leaving his room, I rushed into mine and grabbed my cell phone.  

I flipped it open and saw a new text message from Christian. Hesitantly but curiously, I opened it and braced myself for what could be written in front of me. 'Hey Kayla, today was great and I'm glad everything happened the way it did.' Great. Just great. He was being really sweet, which made it way harder to tell him what I was about to.  

Regardless of my guilt, I found his number and hit send. "Hey, what's up?" He greeted, sounding happy, adding to my already surfaced guilt.  

"Um, I kinda needed to talk to you about today..." I tried to keep my voice normal but knew there was some kind of unhappiness in it.  

"Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good." I took a second to breathe while I figured out how to word what I needed him to hear.  

"Ok this will all probably sound very cliché and cheesy but trust me, I'm going to mean every word of it. Christian, you're an amazing guy, you really are. But I'm at a place in my life where there's not really room for any guy. My main focus right now is and needs to be James, and I don't think it will stay that way if I have a big distraction. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just that I can't do this right now... I'm sorry..."  

"Oh... You're a really great girl and I'll always be here if you change your mind. I will always be here for James, too. I don't really know what else to say. Goodbye Kayla." Ugh! He sounded so sad and surprised and upset and I hated myself for making him feel like that.  

"Bye, Christian." I didn't know what else to say. There were so many things I could have said right then, but those two words were the only ones that I could say. We both hung up and I sat down on my bed before walking out into the living room to tell Adalie what I'd just done.  

"Ad, I just called Christian. I told him I couldn't do that anymore and we had to end whatever we were starting..." I said simply, sitting next to her and covering myself with a pink blanket.  

"Oh, Kay, I'm really sorry." And she hugged me, whispering 'it's ok' in my ear while I cried pathetically. I wasn't necessarily crying for Christian, but I was crying for everything. All the stress I'd been under, all the pain James has been through in his short life, everything I wanted to get accomplished and hoped I'd be able to, how much I wanted a good life for all of us- everything.