Jack & Lucy

Jack

"And do you see that she cracked under that pressure? She said she never loved dancing. But she felt loved because she danced," I tell her and I watch something flicker across her face. "Her anxiety and the pressure became too much. I didn't know Lucy when all this went down, but she's still facing the repercussions of her actions."

"Good. We all gave up a lot so she could do something she apparently didn't even love," Lauren says harshly. "But the competitiveness is what pushed me to go to Yale. I knew my parents wouldn't notice me if I didn't force them to look at me."

"I think you and Lucy have that in common. Instead of hating each other, you should see that you were fighting for the same thing."

"I don't hate my sister. I just hate that she can't see what she did."

"You now have the spotlight though. Isn't that all you wanted?" I ask her and she drops her arms to her sides. 

"No, because now I am still fighting to keep it there."

"Then stop fighting. Lucy had a full-blown panic attack on the way here all because she didn't know how to tell your mom that she is struggling. She only agreed to marry that fuckhead Blake because she knew your mom wanted her in New York."

"I don't think that's the only reason she agreed to Blake's proposal. I think you'll find the other reason in that letter," Lauren says and points to the envelope in my hands. She starts toward the door and then says, "Blake was a fuckhead, wasn't he?" I laugh and nod.

"Can you tell your mom that? Maybe put in a good word for me?" I ask with a smirk. 

"Maybe someday. You can still blink twice ya know. Lucy isn't here."

"I am in love with your sister. This isn't a ruse. I am not going anywhere." 

"I don't know why she never gave you that, but it seems like our dear old Lucy still likes to self-sabotage for some reason." Lauren shrugs and then leaves me alone with the letter in my hands. She has my curiosity peaked and I know I am going to read this letter without telling Lucy about it first. I check the hallway and Lucy still must be with her parents. I close her bedroom door and slide the paper out of the envelope. I unfold the letter and read,

Jack, 

You can blame Hallmark Christmas movies for this letter. Stella and I have been watching way too many cheesy romances (and drinking a lot of wine) and we just watched a particularly groan-worthy movie about a girl who writes a letter to the love of her life the day before she gets on a plane to go accept some job in Paris. Anyway (I promise there is a point to this), she gives the guy this letter confessing her love for him and he rushes across town (during holiday traffic) to make it to the airport just in time to stop from her getting on a plane. He does, they kiss, happily ever after. Well, Stella said I should do this. That the Holidays are meant for grand gestures and if there is ever a time to pour your heart out, it's on Christmas, so here it goes. 

Jack Tyler Dalton, I have been in love with you since the day you started at Mag's. Well, I have been in love with your eyes since then, the rest of you came shortly later. I know I am not your type and that you only see me as a friend, but I thought maybe if I put myself out there and tell you how I felt about you, you might come to see me as more than your pal, Goose. 

You see, I think we could be good together. I already know what makes you tick and you already know I am an overthinking nutcase. I know you are loyal to your friends, I know you admire your parents and I know your love for adventure. I love how you don't try and change the women you date (You just like to change them out wink wink) and you've never pressured me into doing something I didn't feel comfortable with (You do push me out of my comfort zone but you always respect the line). I love how you know my favorite wine and my burrito order from Mick's. I love the way you always have a playful smirk on your lips and how you feel most at ease on the water. I love the way you tan when we are out on the lake all day and how you check in with me when we get around certain rats. You're always leaving the group when I don't feel comfortable taking me to some cove to explore or some cliff to jump off of. I love that you make me jump, Jack.  I love how you make me feel when I am around you. 

I know I am with Blake, and you are kinda seeing Keeley. But to be completely honest, I think he's going to propose while we are in New York (I found the ring box) and I needed you to know how I felt just in case there was miraculously some sliver of you that might feel the same. I needed you to know this before I committed to Blake so I was never wondering what if? I can't say yes to Blake with all of these unsaid feelings, so this is me saying them. I love you, Jack. And I really really want you to love me. We can travel the world and you can teach me all about architecture and I can learn new cookie recipes. We can build a home wherever your jetski takes us and we can continue on with all of our adventures. I want to marry you. I want to have your tan, blue-eyes babies and watch you change the world with your doodles. 

The question here is (and remember it's Christmas so it's totally okay for you to confess all your hidden desires) can you love me too? If so, don't let me go to New York and say yes to Blake. But if not, then let me go, because I don't think I can handle working alongside you knowing I'll never have a chance. It hurts my heart to watch you power through women, wondering if I will ever catch your eye. 

I hope I didn't make this super awkward. But maybe if this is all one-sided, it's best for me to move to New York and move on. Because you're the best part of Phoenix and if I don't have you, what's the point of staying?

Okay, I am done. This letter is in your hands now. My flight leaves out of Phoenix on the 26th. So hopefully you open this before then. If not, it's gonna be real awkward when you do. 

I love you, Jack. I hope you can love me too. 

Yours forever, 

Lucy. 

I glance up and remember I am standing in her room at her parent's house. Why did she never give me this? Why is this stuffed in a drawer here? She did go to New York and she came back after New Year's engaged. She never gave me the opportunity to stop her. 

Would I have? I didn't really realize my feeling for her until I found out she was moving to New York. I then glance back to the letter and realize I would have stopped her. So why didn't she give me the chance to? She was so upset when she found out I had been into her and this whole time she was hiding this from me. She didn't tell me she loved me until a few hours ago. 

I feel something spread across my chest and my heart races. Lucy went back to New York not because her parents wanted her to, not because Blake was there, but because I wasn't there.