Dancing Towards Death

Spinning After the Fall

I held his hands firmly in my own, almost afraid if I made the wrong move. His eyes sparkled in interest, and I smiled, almost painfully. "Don't we know better than this?" I sparked the question. His brow furrowed, but he soon relaxed.

"Come now, a dance shall not hurt you." He spoke in a lower tone. I nodded, spinning him into a waltz. What started slow, grew into a quicker paced dance, both of us spinning.

We both found ourselves laughing, dancing with one another on this high peak. I can't remember the last time I felt so safe- I felt so free.

I spun him, dipping him, earning a giggle. He pushed some red hair from his line of vision, and I sat him easily onto the rocks below us, walking to the edge, hoping to get a good look below. We were high up, and only one thought would eat at my mind.

Jump, jump with him. Be free.

I looked back to Alexander. "... I've been meaning to ask."

"Yes, Jack?"

I took a step closer to the edge, a smile on my lips. "If I let go... Would you hold on to me? Could... Could we fly?" I suggested, looking to the moon. I reach to it, as if cradling it in my hand. Up there, I imagine, I could be free to be who I am. If only I could walk the light that she shines down- walk to the place I so desire.

"What do you mean-?"

"Perhaps... It'd be safer to say that we tried..." I whispered, retracting my hand. He was now standing before me. I could see the tears in his eyes, but I knew that he was scared. We had brought this idea up multiple times before. So tired of being repressed- so scared to be who we are. Not anymore. Not no longer. It was to be he and I...

And he tackled me.

I felt my weight shift, and we tumbled backwards, his arms wrapped firmly around my chest. We were free-falling, and by god, the fall seemed so slow.

I wrapped an arm protectively around his waist, face dug deeply into his shoulder. Soon, it shall be he and I, no one in this world to judge us for who we are, for what we have done. This world is sinful, but the world does not seem to understand that we are free to be who we are. 

I stared above. The area for which we fell from seemed to be so close still. I looked at him, almost regrettably. Why did I do this? This is not worth it-, no... This world is so sinful, but he is my escape. He is all I need. 

Alexander is all I need.

I've lost so many- but, I could've saved him. I'm so far from saving, that there is no doubt I would've went over- no help needed. I've been pushed too far. But he still had so much life- and now, more than anything, I wish that he would get that.

I could feel the warmth of the tears falling down my face. 

I could vividly remember the day that we met. He was so curious, he was so full of life, he was so... new. He stuck a stake through my heart, and I had known that we were going to be so much more. Something told me that it was going to be he and I.

We laughed in the face of danger, dancing to the melody of death. We've done it many times before. We've danced after major battles, held tight to one another, cried with each other. But, so many more times, we felt so shunned, we felt so frightened, we felt scared of who we were- who we are. Though, there is not much to be scared of now.

I laid my head back, the wind throwing my hair in front of my face. It truly felt like I was flying- meters above the world- where no one's words could hurt us. Everything was slow, extremely slow. It felt almost like a paradise. 

I laughed loudly, hugging Alexander close. Those laughs soon turned to sobs. "I didn't want to do this," I whispered. "I want to be yours, I want to fly with you, I want to try again, I want to hold you tightly in my arms- I want to dance with you so many more times! I want it to be you and I- and who cares if others think is blasphemous- it only has to be you and I, dancing in our cabin! We don't have to dance towards death, when death is already so close he could skid the tips of our fingers with his own? We don't have to dance after death- not yet- not us- we have so much ahead!"

Alexander glanced up, tears still pouring down his face. He smiles, breaking into soft sobs. I pull him closer, hand on his cheek, a soft kiss on his lips. "We can still be who we are- we don't have to change... This doesn't have to be our fate..." I whispered, placing our foreheads together. "It never had to be this way..."

"I couldn't protect you," Alexander whispered. He placed a hand on my chest, another resting on my cheek. I leaned, almost desperate for the normal coolness of his hands. "I could never protect you the way you protected me." He whispered softly, hand grazing through my hair. 

"You still have a chance."

"I don't, Jack... Open your eyes, look where you are." Alexander pleaded. I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head. "Not until we dance one more time- not until it's you and I again. Not until you hold my hands and tell me that it's okay to open my eyes."

"Open your eyes, John... There's one more thing you need to see. I will not be there, but know you have not risked my life in any way... One day, and one day soon... We will have another dance, my dear."

---

My eyes twitched open, and I took a deep, stinging breath. I could see the blue skies above me and I almost started sobbing. What a beautiful thing to be greeted with. 

Such a shame I couldn't share this with my Alexander. He'd love to gaze at the clouds that glided by. I reach to the sun, as if cradling it in my hands. The red substance staining my hand shone brightly, and I shivered, letting my arm fall back to the ground. "Another dance... Just one more dance..."

I could hear a heartbeat- whether it be mine, or Earth's, it was fading. I offered one more smile- not for life- but for Death. I saw a soldier above me, and I reach to him.

It was about time I took a long walk with someone who cares.

"Soon, Laurens... You will reunite. A soldier lost in combat is always granted a final wish."

I looked to him, a glitter of hope. "You think so?"

Death smiled. "I know."