Station 19 one shots

impossible not to love part 1

"How are you feeling," he asked
"Never been better" she said with an attempt to make a smile. "I didn’t just fall down 6ft into rubble" Robert laughed as this helped to eased the tension. "I’m good, I’ve suffered worst"

Speaking of "You know, i think it might be drugs but I’m pretty sure that was Herrera standing with you for a while outside my door"
"Yeah…..to be here. She felt like it was her duty as captain to stay and make sure everyone is okay."
"Would you tell me if you still had feelings for her?"
"Tash," his voice soft and uncertain
"Sully, you can tell me. I can sense these things, it took me a while to see it but I can clearly see she still has feelings for you…the question is do you?"
Robert looked away for a sec feeling conflicted “So you do…” Tash tried to sit up awkwardly in her bed. Robert's hand found that smooth spot on his head where his hand would go if he was deep in thought. He struggled with how to answer this question. He knew he was in fact in love with Andy.. But equally, he didn't want to hurt Tash anymore after what she'd been through. "Sully, I'm injured not blind... I'd rather you tell me the truth." He paused and tried to look away, his eyes betraying a mix of emotions. "I, I..." he stuttered. "Let me ask you one more time. Do you, or do you not, still have feelings for your ex wife?" Robert turned his back to her and dropped his head, his hands on his waist. "I'm sorry Tash, I'm so.." "Don't apologise for the truth."  Her voice was soft but firm, a mixture of pain and understanding lingering in her words

" Tash, I love what we have as friends and it was really great having someone who knows my background and what I’ve been through. You understand what we had to endure in the marines and knew Luke. I tried my best to love you, i want to…but the bond I have with Andy will always be there. i'm sorry" this wasn't how he planned on telling her, somehow he felt relieved to tell her  but something in him also felt guilty for telling her while she's in the hospital after a near death experience, but still he couldn't help himself and continued talking.

"She's been by my side for every awfull thing that's happend since i moved back to Seattle. When i got injured, when Luke died, when i stole drugs, when i lost my job and so much more. Andy was always there in my corner making sure i was allright, taking care of me in ways i never even realized, making sure i go to meetings and see Richard regularly. Even divorced she still is.
It's impossible not to care...... she's impossible not to love." Without even realizing it his lips curled up while talking about her. She truly had him wrapped around her finger without even realizing it.

"That's what i thought, it's okay sully. I’ve watched you both from the sidelines for over a year now.
Trying to love you more and more and get you to love me back was selfish on my part i realize that now" she took a sip of her water before continuing. "Don’t get me wrong, i have loved our time together, but you and herrera are clearly meant to be, and if this near death experience has taught me anything, it’s that you have to live for what you believe in. And you two clearly believe in the immensity of eachother. Sully all i want is for you to be happy, you deserve it after all the shit you've been through. So go, please, find her and don't wait for the right time, tell her how you feel. It'll be okay."

They sat in silence for a few minutes untill Natasha fell asleep again, her little snore got Robert out of his thoughts. This was his cue to leave. "I'm sorry" he whispered once more before leaving her to rest.

Robert started wandering around the hospital trying to collect his thoughts. Somehow he found his way to the reception finding one of the coffee machines. Maybe that would do him some good he figured. He watched the coffee fill the little plastic cup and zoned out trying to lean on the machine but suddenly was made very aware of his height. The conversation he had with tash kept repeating in his mind. He wasnt sure what exactly this meant. Had he lost both women who he felt things for? Was Andy even ready to start things back up again? Was this all a mistake that would end up with him being alone again? He wanted nothing more than Andy back as his wife although he know they had a long road ahead and Tash as his close friend.

His coffee had gotten cold as he kept stirring in the cup. He hadn't even noticed one of the residentie arriving, waiting for coffee herself.

"Sir, Lt. Sullivan is it?... are you , okay?" she asked with a kind voice.

"Sorry, sorry I was miles away, here, what can I get for you, my treat." "Oh I’m not here for coffee, the cart outside is much better.. But your firefighter colleagues are wondering where you’d gotten to… having walked past you for the fourth time now without you moving, I thought maybe you’d zoned out completely."

"Oh, i'm sorry"  Robert said, nervously. "I better get to them, thanks!"

He looked up at the signs to try and figure out where he was, before looking back at the resident for her subtle guidance. She pointed to the left, he nodded in thanks and made his way back to the waiting room.

"There you are i was wondering where you went" Andy stood up and walked over to Robert whose mood visably changed since he went into the hospital room to check up on his girlfriend. "Robert hey" She gently placed one of her hands on his arm finally getting a response. He looked confused and exhausted whatever happend in that room stirred up dust. Andy grabbed his hand and pulled him into the hallway. "Where are we going?" He asked in confusion  "Do you trust me?"

Part 2 is coming in a few days