THE AFTER

TWO

"Darling let's run...
Run from it all..."

————

September 10th, 2020 - Dallas, TX

"Shit—"

Taylor sighed, flipping over the acoustic guitar in her lap and giving it a shake. That was the third time the pick had slipped through her fingers.

It was still dark when she had woken up to the sound of Ivy whimpering over the baby monitor. They had been staying at Dorothea's mother's house for the last few days, but the little one was still waking up scared and uncertain about her surroundings. Taylor had felt Dorothea shift beside her but gave her a, It's fine, keep sleeping! pat and slid out from under the covers.

She had already been awake, anyway.

When Taylor had arrived at what was Dorothea's childhood bedroom, she found Ivy out of bed and sitting amongst the toys in the middle of the room. The toddler's amber eyes had instantly flashed up at her with a look as though she had been caught scribbling on the walls in permanent marker.

Taylor had stepped into the darkened room and whispered, "What'cha doin' here, Vee?"

"Ma..." Ivy immediately dropped the stuffed elephant in her fingers and reached for her.

"It's not time to wake up yet, silly," Taylor said, lifting her into her arms.

"Up!"

"Shh. No, look, it's still dark out..."

As soon as Taylor had tried to put her back in bed, Ivy began to fuss. "Mama. Mama!"

"Shh, Mama's sleeping—"

"Mama!" Ivy pointed towards the door.

Taylor immediately reached for the monitor and switched it off, for fear of waking the other woman up. Between Heather's incessant pitching about house properties during the day and Ivy at night, Dorothea hadn't been sleeping well,—and, well, neither had she—but this had to be the night that she actually got to rest.

Luckily, Ivy had apparently still been quite tired and managed to fall asleep within a few minutes, which was a rare victory. Ever since she turned two, Taylor and Dorothea found themselves fighting an endless battle of wills, and it was always a gamble as to who's would prevail. Magnificently stubborn, just like you! Heather had said to Dorothea the day they arrived when Ivy had refused to get out of her car seat. Ah, the wonderful mystery of genetics! God may have made my grandbaby, but Karma's moving down the line sure as piss down a river!

Although Ivy let her off easy this round, Taylor had still found herself punished with elusive sleep. And so instead of tossing around in bed, she had quietly slipped downstairs, grabbing her guitar, then down into the walk-out basement.

Now, she retrieved the pick from the instrument and attempted to strum a few chords. The song, one of the ones she hoped to piece together for the next album, was still quite loose in her mind. She found herself stopping every few seconds and spacing out. She was trying to distract herself from what was really on her mind, but the feeling she got from the song was just as overwhelming.

"Oh...Goddamn..."

Taylor frowned, placing her hand over her mouth. The feeling of the icy curb beneath her rushed into her memory. The butterflies that fluttered into the base of her throat as she reached out towards the other pair of eyes striking like a match in the winter darkness.

"Oh..." She hummed.

She couldn't do it. There had been such a staggering sense of reckless abandonment that night. The feeling that she was about to overplay her hand; that she had taken the risk too soon and would never see her again. Then one day, it became a strange, dizzy feeling of relief, of possibility, when the chance she took hadn't simply ended with another severed tie. She had felt overcome with righteousness, although it was still chained by fear. How could she describe it? The more she let herself think about it, the more certain she was that her odds wouldn't fare well.