Always and Forever

twenty three

"Please Viv. I'm sorry"

"I don't care if you're sorry. Sorry doesn't fix anything does it? Your sorries mean nothing to me. You can't keep the simplest of promises so i don't care!"
Well, she's right. I can't keep the simplest of promises.

"Viv, just hear her out. Maybe it's important?"
Katie said to Viv.

"If it's important i'll hear it from Sophie herself. Good day Leah"
Viv said as she looked away from me.

"Look. All i want to do is tell you i'm sorry. I messed up and i'm facing the consequences of my actions. I know all this hurt is my own doing. I shouldn't have done what i done. Getting with Jords the way i did, is my biggest regret but i won't leave her because i'm happy with her. I have something with Jordan and i want it. I fell out of love with Sophie because it didn't feel right and i'm sorry. That's all i can do"

"I don't care Leah. I don't care about you and Jordan, i don't. I care about the way you treated her. After that game against Barca, the things you said to her, i'll never forgive you for it so don't try and apologise because there is no point. You hurt her and you hurt me."
I sighed and walked away, knowing that there's no point in trying. Viv is right, the things i said weren't okay and if Viv won't forgive me then Sophie probably never will.

No one's pov
Over the next couple of days Leah kept trying to call Sophie. However, Sophie never answered. She stared at her phone as it rang, not daring to accept the call because she couldn't. Right now, Sophie hates Leah and she has ever right to. The things Leah said to Sophie haven't left her. Sophie hears those words from Leah's mouth over and over again.

Since Sophie got back to Barcelona her friends have been holding her through the insane amount of pain and hurt she is going through. They haven't gave up on her and they won't. They're holding her while she's at her lowest and they're laughing with her when she's at her highest. No matter how Sophie feels, they're there.

Sophie knows that she will be okay. She's not, right now she's far from it but she knows with these people around her, soon she will be her happy self again. She will get over it. She will make it. She will be okay and she knows it.

Her friends, they make her believe that she will be okay. They help her. They make her feel when she's at her worst. They let her cry in their arms. They don't let go.
Wether it's at training, in her home, after a game, before a game. It doesn't matter, they're there.

Sophie's pov
Over the next few days Leah kept calling me. I never answered, not once but she kept leaving voice messages. I listened. I listened to them all at once, right now. I listened.

I was in my room. Patri was over and was outside with Alexia and Jenni. I sat on the edge of my bed and listened to the five voice messages that Leah had left for me over the last couple of days.

Voice message 1: "Hey. I don't know if you've deleted my number or not but it's me, Leah. Look, i just wanted to call and say i'm sorry. I made a mistake and now i'm living with the consequences. I'm not going to lie to you anymore. I'm still with Jordan and i'm not going to end it with her because i genuinely did fall for her while you were away. The way it happened is what i regret. I never should have done that but i fell out of love with you because it never felt right. It felt like we weren't meant to be and that was that. Sorry"

Voice message 2: "Viv yelled at me the other day when i tried to talk to her. She still hates me, a lot. She won't talk to me unless we are playing a game, even then she won't celebrate with me and she's not the only one. Georgia, Hempo and Alex didn't acknowledge me when we played against City the other week and i'm sure Keira, Lucy and Ellie feel the same way. My own teammates have told me how disappointed they are, Steph, Caitlin, Beth, Anna, Katie and even Kim. Once again, i'm sorry"

Voice message 3: "You're playing well. I'm proud of you. Can we talk? Please just call me back"

voice message 4: " The things i said, i didn't mean. I'm sorry. Look, you probably don't want to talk but i'm sorry, once again"

voice message 5: " Viv keeps telling me to stop calling you. She says i'm making everything worse. Look, Soph, if we don't talk again, remember i loved you and i'll always want the best for you. I'm sorry for hurting you, i never wanted you to feel bad in any way. It was childish of me to do that to you. I don't expect you to forgive me, i just wanted you to know that i'm sorry."

I sighed as tears began to drip from my eyes. 'remember i loved you', 'i'll always want the best for you', 'i'm proud of you', 'i fell out of love with you because it didn't feel right'. Kinda sucks when someone you loved doesn't feel the same. Her words, they used to mean so much and now, now they mean so little but they hurt me. Of course they do. I gave her everything.
'i'll always want the best for you' That's a lie and i know that. If she wanted the best for me she would have been happy about my move. She wouldn't have blamed me moving on our relationship falling apart.

I fell back on my bed and messaged her. One message that's all.

Leah
Look, i appreciate that you're apologising but i don't know if i will ever be able to forgive you. The things you said still hurt me today and it sucks. The things you said in the voice messages, like saying, 'i'll always want the best for you'. I can't help but sigh upon hearing another lie come from your mouth because you don't, you never did. The minute i did something for myself, you left and blamed me for it. I hope Jordan puts as much time and effort into you as i did and i hope she loves you as much as i did. I hope she treats you well. Leah, just leave me alone. Like Viv said, please. Don't contact me. You're only making everything harder. Thanks for the apology but i can't forgive you.

******
That was it. I muted her notifications and turned my phone off. I sat back up on the edge of my bed and put my face in my hands. Sucks right now. I'm hurting, a-lot but i know in the end, i'll be okay. I know that at the end of the day, i have people around me who will protect me like they promised and that gives me so much light and hope.

I wasn't alone for much longer as i heard my door open...