Please Don't Hit Zero ~ IwaOi

~29~

Eight days remaining

Mattsun and I spent the remainder of yesterday in a mutual silence. Not because we were awkward about something, but because we felt like we didn't have to say anything to make the other comfortable. Just our presence was enough.

That's about to change, though. I can't help but worry about Makki as well, and Iwa has given me a great excuse to visit him.

Gently, I touch my friend's arm. "Hey, Mattsun..."

He doesn't look away from his phone, which he is scrolling on, but does give me a curious 'hmm?' as a sign that I can go on.

"I think I'm gonna go visit Makki today." I say it quietly, afraid that me mentioning his ex's name will hurt him.

And as expected, it does. His gaze stays glued to the screen, but his brow furrows and his eyes becoming a little wider. He's feeling it more than he's giving away, though. The phone slips away, bounces off the bed, and lands on the ground. "Fuck, shit..."

Quickly, I take hold of his slightly trembling hands. "Are you okay?" I knew he would be affected, but this is more than I expected.

He turns to me, but doesn't reply. His thoughts are so messy and loud I can see, almost even hear them.

"I was thinking I'd return the stuff he left here," I explain, hoping it will calm him down somehow. "And I can retrieve your stuff as well."

"Uh..." His mind still seems to be chaotic as it takes him a while to form an answer. "Can you do something for me, when you see him...?"

Softly, I rub my thumbs over his palms. "I can try, but he seemed to be kind of pissed off with me last time I saw him."

Worry and pain washes over him, and it's visible through his body language. He tenses up even more, his eyes glistening and the corners of his mouth twitching. "The thing is, he's not good at letting his emotions out, so he always bottles them up, and he lets it destroy him from the inside, and..."

I let go of my dear friend and move some of his hair away from his face, making me able to look straight into his eyes. The contact makes him flinch, as well as fall silent. "Don't rile yourself up, and don't rush it. Breathe," I tell him, just like he did to me yesterday.

He nods, but continues immediately, making me doubt that my words came through to him. "Whenever he pushes his feelings down, they eat at him, and they just make him really angry and annoyed at everything. So if you noticed that..."

Without warning, a few tears run down his face, but neither of us are surprised. I pull him into my arms, putting the conversation on hold for a second.

"Damn it," the pitiable boy says, his voice sounding strained. "I really fucked up. I miss him so fucking much. I can't believe I threw it away like that. And now I'm hurting him..."

"Hey, Matsu," I try to console him, rubbing my hands over his back, "don't blame yourself. Of course you're both hurt over this. You two love each other so much, after all."

I feel how he clenches my shirt tightly, trying to stay strong for some reason. "He hates me. There's no way he still loves me. I'm sure he despises me."

As an outsider, someone who doesn't know what happened, someone who has only seen Mattsun broken and Makki bitter, I stay quiet. Iwa told me the latter had been 'feeling down', and that he was avoiding the topic at all costs.

But, as a friend, I speak up. "No matter what, I can't see him ever holding any grudges against you. He probably misses you as much as you do him."