Tsukishima x reader /☽/☆/ "I'll say 'it' first"

Parents and Anniversaries

Koushi's strong too. He got that from Mom. Taking all of the responsibility you had because you can't do that anymore.

One of the things I got from Dad is not strength. Dad and I are strong in our own right though. Maybe resilient is a better word for Dad and I. Not strong.

"It's not fair." I grab Mom's shirt harder and she sighs. I really am selfish. 

"I know it's not fair but life isn't fair either. Your Dad isn't gonna be the last person in your life to leave you or die. Your Dad was my first everything but the truth of the matter is, firsts are firsts and that's all they are. They won't last forever. I thought they would but they didn't. That's the lesson your Dad left for me." She explains but I don't say anything.

I think firsts can be lasts, luck has favourites and we make our own luck ourselves.

"It's okay to be angry." Mom whispers. She moves her hand to Koushi's face and soon moves her hand to my cheek resting it there. 

"Go to sleep now my Loves." Mom whispers.

I let the warmth of my brother and Mom loll me to sleep.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

May 20

Tsuksihima POV

☽

Tadashi has an appointment today so he left before lunch. Y/n and I sit in an empty stairwell and eat our bento's. Our feet rest two steps below us while we sit on another stair.

"You seem weird today." I comment, shaking her out of her gaze.

"Oh.'' She says plainly, poking at her food with her chopsticks. She frowns and closes her bento. She never gives up food. She never not smiles too.

"Tsukishima?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think I'm a selfish person?" She asks and I raise a brow at her quizzically.

"No. Why?" I ask setting my food aside and turning my attention to her completely.

"You're wrong about that Tsukishima." She whispers, tears falling from her face and I grow panicked.

"W-why am I wrong then?" I ask. "I at least want to u-understand you." I say and she wipes her eyes.

"I'm s-so angry." She cries even more and I put a hand on her shoulder.

"Why are you angry?" I ask, trying to make my voice sound sincere even though my voice always sounds bored even when I'm not.

"I'm mad at my Dad for dying. It's not fair. I-I'm missing out on so much. I-I'll never have a father-daughter dance, never walked down the aisle with my Dad, never be able to smell him again. I'm so angry at him Tsukishima. He didn't need to go away. Being angry at a dead man makes me pretty selfish and weak huh?" She sobs. She crawls closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder and I let her cry into my neck, feeling her tears run down my skin. I place my hands on her arms and keep them there.

"No Y/n. You're wrong about this one too. You're anything but selfish." I say. "I-I'm sorry Y/n. I don't know how to comfort you." I frown and hold her arms tightly. 

"Just don't let go of me." She whispers and I nod.

"Okay then. I'm here as long as you need me to be then. I won't even give you a sarcastic comment." I say and I feel her smile against my neck before giggling.

"You really are sweet boy Tsukishima Kei." 

I wish I was able to comfort her but I can't. I wish I can make her feel better. Take all of that pain and aguish away from her and store it in a box and hide it away but I can't. This is another instance where I regret and loath my lack of communication skills.

She holds me tighter, her crying more gently now.

"Don't let me go. Please don't let me go Tsukishima." She pleads.

"I won't. I promise." I whisper and wrap my arms around her completely. 

"You do?" She asks in bewilderment and I feel myself smile and hold her tighter.

"Of course I do. I promise Y/n. I won't let you go." I whisper

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Written July 18, 2021

Released August 9 , 2021