Money Power Glory [Mafia Kylo Ren AU]

Ch.39 - Proud

Ushar and Vicrul briefly locked eyes, frowns on both of their faces.

"I wasted so much time. I cared about so many things that I shouldn't have." You said, voice cracking as tears welled in your eyes. "I waited too long to be with Kylo. I should've left Hux right away. I should've let myself love him from the beginning. Why did I fight it?" You asked, rambling, spiraling.

It took so long for you to even admit to yourself that you didn't hate Kylo. You used to get angry just seeing his face, how smug and cocky he was as he took over your life. Being in love with him was so much easier, it made you so much happier. You wondered how close the two of you would've been by now if you would've let it happen from the start.

"I just want to go back. I want him back." You admitted in a small voice, your voice breaking off into tears as you did so.

Vicrul wrapped his arms around you and held you close, letting your cry against his chest, your tears soaking through the material of his shirt.

Ushar moved onto the bed so that he was closer to the two of you. He put his hand on your leg, staying close to you as if to hold you as well in his own way.

It was difficult because Vicrul wanted to say the cliche things you always said to someone when they were upset: 'it'll be okay', 'you're going to figure this out', 'this will be over soon'...But he couldn't. None of that applied.

This was it.

"You'll make sure he's okay, right?" You asked, looking down at the bed. "I know that- I know Hux has things planned and Snoke is going to be upset, I just-"

"Kylo can handle himself." Ushar interrupted you, softly. "Don't worry about him."

"But we'll watch out for him." Vicrul added, his chest twisting. Even with how hurt you were, you were still worried about Kylo, still wanting to protect him. It broke Vicrul's heart. This was all so unfair.

"Okay." You said softly, feeling just the tiniest bit of solace in the fact that even if you couldn't be there for Kylo anymore, his knights could be.

For the rest of the day, you spent your time alternating between crying and rambling and attempting to go to sleep. You were so exhausted but every time you closed your eyes, you were reminded of the bad dream you were living in. Vicrul and Ushar sat by your side the entire time, even falling asleep in bed with you.

You woke up the next morning with your face pressed against Vicrul's bicep with Ushar's back pressed against your side. Both of them were snoring softly, in completely separate rhythms.

The sun was barely out but your mind was already spinning, thinking everything over. Every time that you broke through the feeling of numbness, you were reminded of what happened the day before and the sinking feeling your chest would be back.

You thought about what Kylo told you about when he first put the flash drive together for you. It seemed so long ago, the night you got back from saying goodbye to your mom in the hospital.

How had he been able to fall in love with you knowing that one day he was going to make you leave him?

Had there been any signs of it? You tried your hardest to think back despite the throbbing pain in your head.

Of course there was the time he tried to push you away in the shower, right before he went to his own apartment and pulled the strings to get this flash drive together for you:

"That entire trip meant nothing, I could've replaced you with any of my men's girlfriends and it would've been the same exact thing."

You had been so angry at the time at him, upset that he was trying to make you hate him. But the pain you felt now that he was gone...Maybe it would've been for the best if his plan had worked out the way he wanted it to. You hadn't been so deeply in love with him then, you would've been sad for a few weeks then you would've moved on (albeit hesitantly).