DEAREST, pansy parkinson

viii. is she your hope?

 Malfoy,

That's quite the invasion of personal space, don't you think? Searching Pansy's dorm is rather low, even for you.

It sucks that you cannot trust her, when she did the right thing as to cutting me off in the first place. It is me who can't let go, not the other way around.

Pansy's done nothing wrong, yet you and your fragile ego can't seem to fathom that she's the most trustworthy person you've probably ever met.

Why do you think I write to her? 

I trust her with my secrets, I know she won't twist them into lies, and spit them out into the atmosphere, for everyone else to hear.

That sounds like something you'd do.

I can't stand you Malfoy. It's quite obvious already, but this has made me hate you more. Hell, I might even go to Pansy right now, as my true real self and do something I won't forgot or regret.

I wanna be hers. 

And from the looks of it, she wants to be mines as well.

So I think it's you that should back off, Malfoy. 

Pansy's smile is something you don't deserve. Now that I about it, have you ever actually seen her smile?

I didn't think so. 

Maybe my life isn't sun, maybe it's light dying away into darkness, losing it's hope.

But she's my candle. And she's my hope.

Do you have hope?

I assumed you didn't, but I cannot be selfish. Is she your hope?

Do you love her?

Do you appreciate her?

Do you care for her?

Or are you just using her Malfoy?

Because if it's the latter, you don't deserve her kindness.

Maybe think about that before writing someone who has showed multiple times that they do.

Now for death, it's a topic I'm familiar with. 

Two years old, older brother died, I didn't really know him and I felt it for a while but it doesn't matter to me anymore.

Four years old, mum jumped. I didn't realize I smiled.

Six months after that, dad overdosed. I laughed. 

Laughed to ignore all the feelings inside of me that were trying to push their way out. Writing, doing something with hands, helped. Watching people live their happy lives and have their happy endings made me choke.

I wanted it, I wanted it all.

And the sole reason I want death, is because I'm alone. 

My relatives are long gone. Parents and siblings too.

I apologize for sharing my tragedy with someone who probably wasn't willing to listen.

Wrong of me, I suppose.

I'm going now. To do something that'll surely seal my fate. Thank you for the motivation, Malfoy.

 L