Saving Blitzo

Chapter 1: The Call

Ah, another day, another poor sucker in the mortal world was dead because of him and his team's impish hands. They say you should never get too attached to your work. Still, Blitzo couldn't help but find satisfaction in slitting the throat of a rapist, burning a bully to death for causing a kid to commit suicide, or running over an old lady because she always scratched your car with her keys. Okay, that last one wasn't really in the mortal world, and it was his car that got keyed, but the old hag deserved it.

"Well, I'd say that was one of our best jobs yet," Blitzo said as he walked out of the portal with his favorite imp couple behind him. "Wouldn't you say so too, team?"

"Are you kidding me, Sir?" Moxxie growled as he removed a tree branch from behind his left horn. The smaller imp was covered in mud, grass, bruises, and bite marks all over his body. "Not only did you trick me into being bait for those guard dogs, but you also left me behind to get chased, mauled, and even pissed on by those bullmastiffs!"

"Yes, but thanks to you, we managed to get our target," Blitzo cheerfully proclaimed as he raised his hand to Millie. "Nice work using those scissors on his balls, Mills. Even gave me the goosebumps."

"Aw, thanks, Boss!" Millie cheered as she high fived Blitzo.

"Whose side are you on?!" Moxxie shouted with his eye-twitching.

"Aw, sugar, you know I love you more, but you did give us a chance to get the target," Millie teased. She was about to kiss him when she smelled the dog urine and backed away.

"Exactly! Team effort all around!" Blitzo proclaimed before he took out his phone and started checking his latest updates on Voxagram. "Now, why don't you guys take lunch. Moxxie smells bad and needs a shower."

"For once, I agree with you," Moxxie grumbled as he sniffed himself and nearly barfed. "I swear, I smell worse than Loona on her work drunk days."

"I heard that you limb-dick bitch," Loona replied from her secretary's table nearby. "And for the record? You smell better when covered in piss. Hides the smell of your insecurity."

"Fuck you!" Moxxie shouted, giving her the finger before stomping his way towards the bathroom with his wife behind him.

Blitzo walked over to his adopted daughter and smiled. "Well, I'm going to go for a walk and to get a shake. Want one, Loony?"

"Double bacon-flavored," was all Loona said without looking up from her phone.

"On the double!" Blitzo replied as he hummed to himself. He opened the exit door and sighed. "Ah, such a wonderful day!"

***

Nothing interesting was happening in Hell as always. A few lame movies that were just rip-offs of ones from the human world. Some boring celebrity gossip. The betting pools of how many humans were dead from COVID-19 today. All Loona could do was chat online and watch videos on VoxTube, but even that was getting boring. Her stomach growled, which was soon followed by one from her muzzle. Blitzo had been gone for three hours and hadn't returned with her stupid shake.

She texted him to hurry the fuck up, but he never replied. She even checked his Voxagram account to see if he was doing something stupid again, but the last input he made was about some asshole photobombing him while he was getting the shakes. Loona just gave up and decided to just get something from the kitchen. Maybe Moxxie's lunch if he hadn't eaten it yet.

Opening the fridge, Loona grumbled about the lack of food again and made a mental note to remind Blitzo to get more groceries. She decided to take the leftover Chinese food and started heating it up in the microwave when Millie walked in. "Hey, Loona."