ill always be here - dreamnotfound/gream

Getting Better

You gave me a shoulder when I needed it
You showed me love when I wasn't feeling it
You helped me fight when I was giving in
And you made me laugh when I was losing it

***

I woke up next to Clay. Last night was amazing, he was so understanding and gentle. I really, really love him. I started fiddling with his golden, silky hair. He noticed the sudden movement, and smiled. He opened his eyes, and looked at me. I gave him a quick peck on the lips, and he blushed. He dug his head deeper into my neck, and I giggled. He's so cute, but hot at the same time.

"We've gotta get up, I have therapy in an hour."

"In an hour? Already?"

"Yeah."

"Damn, we still need to clean up and-"

"It'll be ok. I'm gonna go take a shower."

He sleepily nodded,  and I went to take a shower. I forgot all about my daily routine of criticizing myself. Clays constant compliments and assurances made me feel much more confident.

I climbed into the shower, and got butterflies just thinking about kissing Clay here last night. 

I finished washing up, and went to my bedroom to get dressed. Clay was lying on the bed scrolling through social media, still half asleep. 

"Clay, we gotta go."

"George, now?"

"Yes now, I already said that."

He chuckled and got dressed. We headed downstairs, got our shoes on, and walked out to his car. We climbed in, and he turned on the radio, picking a specific song. 

Now Playing: Get You the Moon - kina 

You gave me a shoulder when I needed it
You showed me love when I wasn't feeling it
You helped me fight when I was giving in
And you made me laugh when I was losing it

He smiled at me. He has no clue how much he has helped me. I almost forgot he was going to be leaving. Will I go back to my old ways?

Cause you are, you are
The reason why I'm still hanging on
'Cause you are, you are
The reason why my head is still above water

"You know Clay, this reminds me of you. You have no idea how much you've helped me."

Clay cutely smiled, his eyes crinkled. He's fucking adorable, my God.

"Anytime, Georgie."

We sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the music. 

And if I could, I'd get you the moon
And give it to you
And if death was coming for you
I'd give my life for you

We arrived at the therapist, and I started getting really nervous. I haven't really thought about this visit, but all of a sudden I couldn't breathe. What if they kick me out because I'm unfixable? What if they turn me away because-

"George, c'mere."

I'm not sure why, but I started crying after he pulled me into his arms. He held me tight. He makes me feel so safe, and so completely comfortable. 

"Shh, it'll be ok Georgie. I'm proud of you for agreeing to get help."

"B-But what i-if they-"

"They wont. They will help you. Just don't talk about things you aren't ready to talk about, and you'll

 be fine."

"O-ok."

I calmed down after a bit, and it hit 10:00am, time for my appointment.

He pulled away, smiled warmly at me, and kissed the top of my head.

"Do you want me to walk you in there?"

"Sure."

We got out, and started walking towards the building, our hands intertwined. 

We entered, and I was greeted by a nice lady. She had light brown glasses on, her hair was dark brown, and she was a bit shorter than me. She smiled at me, "Hi! Are you George?"

I weakly smiled at her and nodded. My grip tightened around Clays hand, and he squeezed back. He gave me a sympathetic look, and smiled at the doctor.

"Well George, you can come back with me," She turned to face Clay, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait in the waiting room."

Clay nodded, and turned to face me. He smiled at me, and whispered in my ear, "You've got this Georgie, you're strong."

That eased some of my anxieties, but I was still so nervous. She took me into a room with two chairs, and told me I could sit down. 

"So George, could I ask when your eating disorder started?"

Goddamn, were getting right into it, aight."

"I-I'm not quite sure, around a year and a half ago?"

"Alright," She wrote something down on her clipboard.

We talked about things, and surprisingly (luckily) I didn't cry. 

My appointment ended and I walked out to the waiting room to see Clay sitting in a chair. He looked up at me, and stood up. 

"Thanks!"

We walked out to the car, and he started driving us home.

"How'd it go?"

"Good actually. We talked about shit that didnt really matter that much, just about family, relationships, and nothing much."

"Well that's good it went good."

I smiled at him, and he kissed my forehead. We went home, stripped down to my boxers, and I flopped on the bed. He walked in around 10 minutes later, and smirked. He removed all but his boxers too, and climbed in. He pulled me into a long, passionate kiss, us having to pull away to breathe. He pulled me closer, and I lied my head on his chest, wrapping my legs around his. He kissed the top of my head, and we fell asleep in each others arms.

***

'Cause you are, you are
The reason why I'm still hanging on
'Cause you are, you are
The reason why my head is still above water

a/n: Hi! This is the last actual chapter, next chapter will be epilogue! I have so many ideas, its gonna be hard to focus on one book, but Im doing my best :) Anyways, hope u enjoyed the book, epilogue will be out in, idrk, an hour? Bye for now :)

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