Teach Me - Brollins

12.

Rebecca walked out to the back deck after preparing her coffee to see Cali sitting under one of the throw blankets on the couch. She smiled as she sat next to her and they sat in silence for a moment.

"I like this" Cali smiled "I thought the sun just came out when you turned on a light"

"Cali.." Rebecca shook her head with a laugh "We've talked about the sun coming out every morning in school"

"I didn't pay attention" the little girl shrugged and Rebecca looked down at her "You put me next to Alexis and Hannah! They're loud!"

"I remember" Rebecca nodded as she took a drink of her coffee "How is school going with the new teacher?"

"She's not very nice and she doesn't teach like you"

"She's probably just very flustered because she's coming into a class room half way through the year and trying to figure out how to handle a class that was taught a different way than she does"

"She took away the carpet and the reading corner" Cali looked up at her with a glare

"The reading corner? Why?"

"Cause she said she wants to be able to see everybody at their desks and nobody is allowed to be in a corner hidden by bookshelves"

"You're not hidden though.." Rebecca shook her head "You are literally right next to her desk"

"That's what I said!" The little girl threw her arms in the air

"How's that little crush you've got on Jaxon going?" Rebecca gave the little girl a knowing look and Cali's jaw dropped "What?" Rebecca laughed "I knew.. I saw you two on the playground everyday"
"Did you tell my dad?" Cali asked with wide eyes and Rebecca could see the fear in them

"No" she shook her head "I will never tell your dad anything you don't want me to.. unless it is harmful to you"

"Thanks Rebecca" Cali smiled "and Jaxon and me aren't working out" she shook her little head

"Why not?" Rebecca questioned "You two were cute" she said and the little girl shrugged

"I don't wanna marry somebody I go to school with" she shook her head and Rebecca laughed, it was such child mentality to believe the first boyfriend at seven years old was going to be the one they marry

"Why?" Rebecca asked, she was genuinely curious on this answer

"Cause My Mom and Dad met in school and we see how that worked out"

"Cali" Rebecca shook her head "Just because your mom and dad met in school, that has nothing to do with what happened to your mom"

"It does" the little girl nodded "if they never got together I wouldn't be here and my mom would be alive"

"Cali.. your mom not being here is not your fault"

"It is" the little girl nodded "I killed her"

"You did not kill her.. she was sick"

"She was sick because of me"

"Where is all that coming from? How do you know?"

"I can read" the little girl nodded "In my dad's closet there are journals that my mom wrote.. and she tells everything in them"

"Does your dad know you've read those journals?"

"No!" Cali exclaimed "Don't tell him!"

"Don't tell him what?" Colby's voice was heard behind them and they both looked at him

"I think you two need to have a discussion" Rebecca looked at Colby who took a deep breath, he did not want to have this conversation

Rebecca stood up and left the father daughter duo alone while she went to the bedroom to get ready for the day.

"Alright Cali.." Colby took a deep breath "this is not going to be an easy conversation for me to have with you"

"What?" The little girl looked up at him confused

"Rebecca said you were asking certain questions this morning and you are starting to get curious about things and I know this is going to be uncomfortable for both of us but we just have to do it"

"What are you talking about?" His daughter stared at him and he just looked at her, frozen

"Alright" he nodded "Um.. how do I start this.. When you love someone.." He shook his head "When a mom and dad loves each other.." He shook his head again, he wasn't going to start it like that

"Dad" Cali spoke up as she saw him struggling and he looked at her "Are you trying to tell me how babies are made?" She asked

"I'm attempting" Colby nodded "and failing"

"Rebecca already talked to me about it"

"Oh thank god" Colby let out a sigh of relief

Rebecca looked out the window that showed the back deck and watched Colby wrap his arms around his daughter. She looked down at the notebook in her hands and turned the page to the first entry.

I am six months pregnant today..

The Doctors told me a few months before I got pregnant that my life expectancy was getting shorter.

I am getting weaker and the medication is becoming more and more everyday.

Colby doesn't know how hard this is getting, I am hiding how bad it actually is from him. If he found out that I was so weak before I even got pregnant he would do nothing but blame himself.

I have decided to write this journal, or journals to have a place to vent.

My life to the outside world is perfect.

I have an amazing husband, a healthy baby on the way so far..

As perfect as everything looks it is all falling apart.

I am not going to make it through this, I may make it through the birth and the first few years but I will not make it much longer that is what the doctors tell me and I believe it, I can feel it.. but I won't tell anyone that because I don't want their sympathy because I'm dying.

As much as I love this baby girl that I'm carrying, she is killing me slowly and I've accepted that.

I'm doing this all for her but more so I am doing this for him.. Colby will need someone when I'm no longer here.

She will be his saving grace, she will be his strength, she will be the one that he will keep living for.

She will take over my role in his life when I'm gone.

xx

Heather