ill always be here - dreamnotfound/gream

I'm Broken

I've gotta keep the calm before the storm
I don't want less, I don't want more
Must bar the windows and the doors
To keep me safe, to keep me warm

***

I called Clay, sobbing. My mom was in terrible condition. She was diagnosed with cancer a year ago and had been fighting for all her life, but today I was told she only had three days left. What could I possibly do without her? My dad had left my mom and I when I was nine, so he wasn't here to help me at all.

Clay picked up the phone, as he does most of the time. I was so grateful he picked up in that moment, I needed to talk to someone.

"Hey, George! Oh, what happened?"

I couldn't muster the words, so I just texted him, while he was on call with me listening to me sob.

"George, I am so sorry to hear that."

That made me cry harder. I knew I should be happy and joyful the last three days she was here, but 'last three days' wasn't something to be happy and joyful about.

"I-I just d-dunno what t-to do C-Clay, I-"

"Georgie, it'll all be ok, I promise. Things will get better. I just booked plane tickets to London, and ill be there in two days time. Try and hold on, ok? I love you so much, remember that."

Clay sounded like he was faltering. To be honest, I don't blame him. I have no clue what I would say to someone if they were in that situation either. His words did mean a lot though.

"C-Clay, you d-don't have to d-do that.."

"But I am."

There was no arguing with that, he was set on coming, and his tone of voice made me understand his decision was final.

"O-Ok. You can s-stay at my house.. Well, o-only if you w-want."

"That sounds great Georgie. Stay on call with me, ok? I'm always here to listen and try to make you feel better."

"Ok. I c-cannot stress e-enough how m-much this m-means to me, C-Clay."

"Anytime, Georgie. Have you eaten yet today?"

I looked at the time. 5pm. I haven't eaten today yet, but I didn't want him to worry about me.

"Y-Yeah, I h-have. I've gotta g-go visit my m-m-mom at the h-hospital now, I-Ill call you when I get b-back.

"Ok. Love you George, bye."

"Bye Clay."

I hung up the phone, and flopped on my bed. I am already grieving, but she was still alive. This was pure hell, why do the worst things happen to the best people? My mom was, and still is, an excellent mom, she didn't deserve this at all.

I sighed and walked outside, making my way to my car. I had to stop on the side of the road a couple times, because my vision was blurry from tears. I made my way to the hospital. I went inside and a nurse led me to my moms room. I tried not to cry on the way there, people would stare, but I couldn't help it. When I got to my moms hospital room, I wiped my tears and put on a smile. She wouldn't want me being upset or worrying about her.

That's who his mom is. Completely selfless, always putting others before her. Nothing that has happened in the last year did she deserve. She's the type of person you see once and immediately want to better yourself and become more like her. She is amazing, the person I strive to be. I'm worthless and nothing, though, so that'll never happen.

 "H-Hey mom! How's your day?"

"Oh, it was good sweetie. How about yours."

I starved myself and cried all day in bed.