Then, Now, Always

My 10th birthday

"Tyler is gone!" She squeeked as we sat on my bed cross legged.

"I know he isn't in his house. But he isn't gone." I assured myself far more then she was convinced

"Word has leaked his parents are abusive! And you cheating on him was the last straw." She paused to take a long breath "He left! In" She paused again yet to think this time "In 19 hours if he isn't back he will be reported missing and police will be involved." She was much more calm once she got into her gossip. Apparently its my fault hes gone. By her the time her little story was done acouple strand tears has slipped out. My lip trembled, and I felt like I might be sick. I breathed in and out as Audrey sat awkwardly on my bed looking at pictures on my wall. Her gaze turned to the picture I drew of myself today. She stuttered as she spoke; "Did Tyler draw you this?" My eyes scanned the picture. Tyler isn't a great drawer which concludes to... Well according to her that isn't artistically appealing.

"Well no. I drew this today." I was as confused as she seemed to be.

"Oh well thats quite wierd. I mean are you sure you didn't draw something else?"

"Of course not." Again she didn't seem convinced

"But today he was sketching exactly that. It was actually kind of amazing considering none of his art would ever really pass for.. Nice."

"It must have been something else." I partly changed the subject, "So he was at school today? And anything else you sad about?" I asked an obvious and completely blonde question.

"It was exactly that. Except he threw it out. Of course he was. And yes actually. He still loves you and will never love me. Ever." She shivered

"Of course he does. Im sure he likes you more than me right now. I made a huge mistake!"

"I know you made a mistake and he is mad but that doesn't mean he stopped loving you. Inside he is deeply in love with you and any stupid thing you do wont change it."

"Oh," I was, for the most part speechless. When I was mad I still loved him! If I find him or he comes back we can have the happily ever after Ive fantasized of. The thought made me smile. And from then we talked like best friends would. We laughed and cried together. I knew the awkward silence Ive longed not to come would come. And 3 hours later here it is. We sat there in our own little world for acouple more minutes until I broke the peace.

"I wish we could be friends again." I murmered softly

"We never were." She responded as her usual stuck up self. "But I agree." I nodded as did she and we sat there in the longing silence I wished would never come.

"So?" I asked timidly

"Hmm." She responded as though enjoying quiet and not wanting to speak.

    It ending up being horrible from then on. Audrey fell sound asleep in my bed and I lay on the very edge crying, tryng to not be too noisy. Which was very difficult because Im used to just letting it out as it comes. Never holding back. One thing checked off my exploding list. It was all my fault that Tyler was in fact gone which also makes it my fault Audrey was crying. My own fault Im crying. Im to blame for it all including why Tyler ended us. I didn't cry myself to sleep that night, and only because I didn't fall asleep. Cry almost all night nonstop wasnt okay. Again thinking emo would be nice right now. Sadly knowing I'll deplore it. At 10.00AM Audrey finally decided to wake up and silently leave. I finally had the bed to myself although it was nice to have someone else with me for a change. I sprawled out taking up every inch I could of my bed then went onto my Ipod on Text Plus. The, in a way, cheap way of having a phone. I texted Tyler a bazillion times once again and also texted Audrey