Ascendance of a Bookworm Part 1 Volume 2

Lutz's Most Important Job

Even after getting home, Lutz's words kept stirring in my head. The fact he said what he did despite struggling so much to do so reflected just how suspicious he was.

...What would happen if he learned I wasn't Myne? He would definitely demand that I give Myne back or otherwise blame me for making her disappear. I could imagine his angry, confused, fearful shouts already.

If he told the truth to my family, I would have nowhere to live. Getting booted from home would be the best-case scenario. If this world had a church that supported witch hunting, I might end up tortured and then murdered by people mistaking me for a demon possessing an innocent girl. I shuddered, imagining the illustrations I had seen of women getting tortured in the witch hunts of the past.

...I don't want to get hurt. I don't want that scary stuff to happen to me. I'd rather die than be tortured.

I didn't want to get tortured or driven from my home, but if the heat inside me ate me before then, I could die feeling only the pain of a fever. If I decided to die, I had the power to throw myself into the fiery depths without any interruption whatsoever. If all else failed, I could just kill myself before getting tortured. That sounded pretty extreme, but being eaten alive by the heat would be a lot more pleasant than torture.

That realization calmed me down. I always had a way out. Not to mention that, thinking about it, the only thing that kept me tied to this world when I was on the verge of dying earlier was my promise to Lutz. I escaped the heat after thinking that I hadn't fulfilled my promise to him. I apologized for that and made the meeting happen later, so all things considered, I had no more regrets.

Now that I had met Benno and paper-making was no longer a dream, I wanted to go all the way and make books, but I didn't really have much attachment to this fantasy world itself. If Lutz started avoiding me in disgust after finding out my true identity, which was very possible, my quest to make paper would fail then and there.

That said, it was likely that if given a proper explanation, Lutz would stay quiet until we finished making paper and he was accepted as a merchant apprentice. I could manage until the paper was ready, and I could choose to die at any moment. Framing things that way made me feel a lot better. It wasn't entirely logical, but it worked for me.

Regardless of what I did, everything relied on Lutz. My only choice was to put my all into making paper and living so that I could die at any moment without regrets.

All that talk of suicide might have sounded cool in a self-sacrificial way, but really, I was feeling anything but cool. I was a bit afraid of seeing Lutz again. And indeed, when morning came the next day, I felt anxious when I met up with him.

"I'm going to the forest today. Gotta get some firewood," said Lutz, which made my eyes gleam with excitement. Today I had to go to Benno's store to write the remaining supply orders and teach him how to make my simple all-in-one shampoo. This was a perfect chance to finish up a lot of things which would make me look suspicious, and thereby stall Lutz finding out about my secret.

"Okay, I'm going to Benno's. I need to write the supply order for the screen and discuss where all the stuff will be delivered."

"...You're going on your own?"

"Uh huh. Is there something wrong with that?" If Lutz wasn't coming with me, I had no choice but to go on my own. And since today would involve negotiating with adults, it was better for me if no one close to me was around.

"...Can you manage that?"

"I'll be fine." I clenched my fist to show strength. Lutz looked like he wanted to say something, but he kept it to himself and just said "Later" before heading to the forest.