His Secret

Chapter 33

I think of you often
and make no outward show,
But what it means to lose you,
no one will ever know
You wished no one farewell,
not even said good-bye,
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
You are not forgotten
nor will you ever be,
As long as life and memories last,
I will remember thee
To some you may be forgotten,
to others a part of the past,
But to me who loved you dearly,
your memories will always last.
Nothing can be more beautiful
than the memories I have of you.
To me, you were someone special,
God must have thought so too!
If tears could build a staircase
and memories a lane,
I would walk all the way to Heaven,
and bring you back again.

-Anonymous

   Whoever wrote this, didn't realize how hard it could hit home to someone.

   That someone would be me.

   It's been a week.

   A week since all hell broke loose.

   But only hell broke loose in my head. Everything else was quiet. The house was quite. My room was quite. The pouring rain was quite.

   And I was empty.

   It's been a week since I read the note. I haven't stopped reading it since. I memorized it word-for-word.

   I was a mess.

   I felt empty.

   I never felt so alone in my life. Not even when my father left to take on the world of business and my mother mentally and emotionally abandoned me, while falling into her hole of depression.

   I looked down at the note in my hands. I sat on the edge of my bed. My bedroom door was closed. It's been closed for awhile now. The rain hasn't stopped since it happened.

   It's like the gods were crying with me.

   But I wasn't crying. I was far past crying. And I wanted to obey Jason's last words.

   I don’t want you to cry Jennifer. Please don’t cry. I want you to smile.

   I frowned. Maybe I couldn't obey his final request all the way.

   No, I could never do that.

   He had asked to much of me. His note was too much for me. I wasn't Jennifer Devin anymore. I was like her ghost.

   My bedroom door opened. I slipped the note underneath my leg, not wanting anyone to see it. I didn't turn my head to look who was at the door.

   I stared at the floor as the sight of my mother came into my view. She knelt down, in front of my knees, staring at my face. I studied her face. Her bright blue eyes, almost identical to mine, were red around the pretty blue color.

   She was hurt by this too.

   "Jennifer, honey?" Her voice came softly as she went to hold my hand with hers. "I knocked four times, you must not have heard me." She smiled a small, sad smile. It looked like it hurt. "What were you doing?"

   "Nothing." It's never been more true.

   She frowned now. The frown didn't come naturally to her face either. "Jennifer," She whispered, hurt flooding her voice. "I know you loved that boy."

   She knew. Of course, she did.

   But I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore.