USS Raven: Legacy

Amethyst Gaze (Ari)

I wake up feeling strangely calm. Almost happy, even. Thursday. "Happy birthday, Amey," I think to myself as I open my eyes and smile. In the darkness, everything looks peaceful. I reach over and turn on the light, then glance over at Stefano and Felipe. If they weren't snails, I'd be sure they were smiling back at me. It feels like it will be a nice day.

I lazily kick the air and allow the momentum to carry me to an upright position. I lean over the bed and pick up my left boot. I unzip the torch compartment. From it, I take out my lightsaber. I press the button to ignite it, then turn my room's light back off. I stare into its purple blade. I do this when I want to zone out and think clearly. If I have a problem to solve or facts to process, this is what I turn to. It helps. The way the saber looks back at me silently is calming.

Its amethyst gaze always relaxes me.

"Hey, Amey," I think to myself, "It's Thursday. It's your twenty-seventh. I wish I could spend it with you. Blaire does too. She misses you. I can imagine you blushing from hearing that, but it's true..." For a moment, I get lost in the blank purple glow. I continue, "I told her about that time at the beach. I guess I never even really told you? Well, I fell. It wasn't the wind or anything. I just lost my balance and fell into you. I was just too proud to admit that... That's a lie; I felt too guilty." I pause for a moment. "Guilt. It almost seems like a common theme these days. Blaire still thinks it's her fault you're dead. It's not. I think she knows that; she just can't let herself accept it. And I feel guilty for hiding this thing, but the others wouldn't get it. They'll think I was a Force user or that I had hurt a Force user. Plus, they'd be pissed I hid it this long anyway. Ugh. It's silly. I should tell them. Shouldn't I? Should I? You would know what to do, Amey, you would-"

"Ari! Come on, we have to... talk. I spoke to Winnie about what she said. Y'know, about Amelia?"

I panic like crazy. I extinguish the blade and scramble to hit the light switch while I throw the saber under my covers. But he has to have seen the glow as the door opened. Right?

Orson stands before me, looking stressed and urgent. He widens his eyes and gestures for me to come with him. I jump up and scramble into my uniform. I jam the lightsaber into the compartment of my boot as subtly as I can, then I walk as quickly as I can over to him. We walk out the door.

"Okay, what did she say?" I say, hands still shaking. He caught me, right? But maybe he didn't... he'd have said something, surely?

"It's... not good," He sighs out. "Winnie said that she meant your excuse was irrelevant, not your sister's death, but she still doesn't see how she's in the wrong for saying what she said. Knowing Winnie, she won't budge from her opinions but I'll try again later." I roll my eyes. I can feel anger burn in my chest.

"Does she thinks that makes it better? Seriously? She completely dismissed the sensitivity of the situation. I don't care what she was calling irrelevant, it was not okay. She asked why we were out. I told her. I told her a perfectly valid reason, which was really difficult to do. I shouldn't even have had to. But I did out of respect. And she called it irrelevant. It's... it's messed up."

"Look, I understand your feelings but give her the benefit of the doubt. She didn't know about Amelia. I didn't tell her that. I only asked her to step in because I had a night shift. Could she have handled the situation much better? Definitely. And I will try talking to her again."

"Alright, I... Alright. I'm not going to pretend I'm happy. I'm not going to pretend I forgive her. But I'll try to stay civil. Try." Orson nods. I continue with: "Listen, man, I know what we did was wrong. Especially on the day with a bunch of impressionable new recruits. I do understand we did something bad. But we need the escape. I know we shouldn't have done it, but... I don't regret it. I'm not sorry. We were choking on our thoughts inside this place. Our minds were drifting through passive chaos. We had to get out and drift among the stars who do too. I can take responsibility for what I did. I messed up and I know that... but I don't apologise for helping my best friend, and I don't apologise for letting her help me."