Daisy | Levi Ackerman

Chapter 31 - Blooming Morning

[Naomi]

"What do you think of that, Naomi?" Armin asked me, as we walked back all the way to the inn, down the more hidden streets of Calaneth, where the tall, commercial buildings were separated by smooth, stone roads.

"Of what?" I asked.

"Of having to choose between two important people in your life, like Samuel." He said. "If one's life was on the other edge, how would you be able to think straight?"

I was silent, unable to answer his question, as I looked pensively down the streets.

"I try not to think about it." I said. "These past few days, I'd been thinking of the same thing with Bertholdt and Reiner. I'm haunted by the thought of having them die in my hands."

Armin paused, and I looked at him. He looked like he was thinking deeply about how it must have been difficult to choose between your principles or your values. It wasn't something common, it wasn't the kind of internal dilemma teenagers like us would naturally encounter. But because of the system of this demanding world, we were forced to face the secrets nobody else was strong enough to take.

He looked at me considerately. "I understand. If I were to be forced by reality to compromise Eren or Mikasa, I'd probably never make a decision, too."

"It doesn't at all sound insane to you that I still care about the two people who took everything from you, and from everyone you used to know at Shiganshina?" I asked. "And all those people at Trost, and the many others they've robbed the lives of?"

"Loving people isn't a fault, Naomi. It never will be." He told me. "Being too attached to someone to let them go is not a misdeed. Choosing one over the other is not an easy choice to make, and it's natural for you to feel torn. Especially because you've been loved by them back."

I looked down to the ground, letting out an inaudible sigh.

"You find yourself in a situation where you have to pick between two important people, or parties in your life. Now, it's Bertholdt and Reiner, or the rest of us." He told me. "If you let both live and risk the possibility of more lives lost, you are blameless. Why? Because you only love them and would rather not give them the sentence of death yourself. The same way you are blameless for choosing us, because you love us and would rather not give us the sentence of death by their hands, too."

"You see, when you choose between two parties, which to let go and which to keep;" Armin said, looking up at the sky. "You're not choosing which one of them deserves to stay, but rather... which one of them deserves to go."

I looked towards Armin, a wave of enlightenment just washing down on me. I couldn't believe someone three years younger than me could be so wiser. This must've been what my mom felt like when Aunt Celine told her about her opinions on why she did not think her contribution would be significant towards the pursuance of truth.

Something told me, by the light touch of the cool October breeze, that what Armin was telling me right then and there was something I was going to carry with me for many more years to come. As if the wind whispered in my ear that I should recall it at a specific time of my life in the future, some time I could apply it for my own sake.

"People don't necessarily deserve to stay because they're good people. Usually it's just for practical necessity. Other times, it's because they ought to die a greater death. Whether more symbollic or more... Relentless." He continued. "Just as those who deserve to go aren't necessarily the bad ones. Sometimes they're released to the edge because they're of no use anymore. Other times, it's because they have had enough and earned themselves some real rest."