---Do not dwell in the past; do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
I should at least know the true meaning of those words before things gone into madness. Past is past and people should move forward with people they are living with.
“I know you’re tired, I know you’re physically and emotionally drained. But you have to keep going, Please take care of our daughter” yan ang huling mga salitang sinabi niya sakin bago siya bawian ng buhay.
All my life, isang babae lang ang minahal ko. First girlfriend, first heartbreak and now, first sacrifice.
It’s been seven long years at sariwa pa sakin ang mga nangyari “Please, save her! Siya ang piliin mo!” Paulit ulit niyang sinisigaw habang nasa stretcher siya at balot na balot ng dugo. I’m not in the proper mind to make a decision. Damn! God knows how much I loved my family. And I never thought that I would come up to this moment, kung saan papipiliin ka, kung saan nagmamakaawa ang pinakamamahal mong babae para buhayin siya.
“Daddy!” Siya. Siya ang dahilan kung bakit nawala ang lahat sakin. A seven year old girl, clinging on my pants. She reminds me of her, that’s why I hate to see her. That angelic smile, pearl white skin and pale red cheeks.
“You should smile always Daddy! You’ll look old with that face! Sige ka.” And that reprimanding sound of voice, maybe that’s the reason, why I signed that damn hospital sheet! Kung bakit pumayag ako na siya ang piliin ko, at hindi ang asawa ako!
“Anika, I’m tired already, I will go to sleep na. okay?” I coldly told her, I can’t stand seeing her, sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, unti unting bumabalik sakin ang lahat, kung paano kami naaksidente hanggang sa huling habilin ni Anika, my wife. She got her monther’s name. nice right?
“Dad, I wanna play with you! Please?” despite of pleading voice, I walked straight and shut the door closed. I slowly reach for a picture beside my bed.
“I’m not a good father! Bat kasi iniwan mo ako, I thought palalakihin natin siya ng sabay?” I’m pathetic, hopeless and good for nothing father. Blame me for being weak, masyado ko lang siyang minahal at hindi maalis sa isip ko, lalo na yung masasakit na alaala, tuwing nakikita ko yang batang yan!
I heard her knocking on my door.
“Dad, I know you’re tired of work because of me, so please take good care of yourself and rest. Always smile Daddy, don’t worry, baby Anika will be a good girl. Promise. Smile ka na please. Goodnight” those words made me burst into tears. Every day, araw araw, lagi siyang nandiyan sa pinto, para sabihin yan ng paulit ulit. Paulit ulit, na ang sakit sakit, ang sakit pakinggan, dahil ginagawa ko to sa isang bata na hindi naman dapat maranasan to.
I indulge myself with work. I always start working from 7AM upto 7PM, call me a douche but ganun talaga, I never stayed at home ng matagal, I never played with my daughter nor talk to her or tell her story. Instead, I only give her what she wants, what she asks for. That’s my life for seven years. Work, home and sleep. Work and the cycle goes on. Until one day.
I have received a phone call from the house.
“Yaya, I already told you, busy ako, hindi ko makakausap si Anika ngayon” Ayun kaagad ang sinabi ko sa kanya, usually, Anika will call me here sa office para kausapin ako. But I always tell her that Daddy is busy and he needs to finish something.
“Sir, kasi po ano e, si Anika po, nasa hospital.”hospital. That’s the last thing na gusto kong puntahan or more or less, pinakaayaw kong mapuntahan.
“What?! Yaya, sabi ko alagaan mo ng maigi yan! Simpleng bata lang yan, sabay hindi niyo pa maalagaan, what happened to her?!”
“Sir, di din po naming alam, naglalaro lang po siya sa garden bigla nalang po siya natum-”
