Unexpected

Chapter 32

I respected the rules the doctor had imposed. I didn't go to work. I stayed calm and I rested the best and the most I could, though being at home doing nothing annoyed me. James had respected my boundaries as well, or maybe I had just pissed him off again, since it had been three days since he had been in the house with me and he left with the most despising look on his face that he ever directed to me. I was fine with that. After all, his absence was part of remaining calm.

I ran out of things to do at the first day at home. Nothing on TV would cheer me up. I had ran out of interesting books to read. The Jacuzzi was no longer fun. I was just bored. But here and there I managed to entertain myself. On the third day though, my quietness, my peaceful state of mind was shaken up like an earthquake. While I was in bed reading the newspaper on that morning my cell rang, and there is nothing wrong with that if I hadn't seen James's name on it. I didn't answer the call. I didn't want to talk to him. As hours passed after the little event, I began to calm down again. My heart stopped beating fast and the lump in my throat disappeared, but it was just temporary as my cell rang one more time and it was James again. I didn't answer, and to prevent that struggle inside my head and the wiliness to talk to him, I took the cell to the balcony and left it there, so I wouldn't hear it ringing if he called again. Life went back to normal after an hour or so. I returned to my catatonic state while lying on the couch pretending I was watching TV and that's when my doorbell rang.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Open the door." I heard him say, making me jump.

James was there, right there in my front door, and I couldn't pretend I wasn't home, so I opened the door.

"You really want to drive me insane don't you?" He asked promptly as he got in without being invited. Mindlessly, I shut the door and turned to him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"What am I doing here? What the fuck does it look like I am doing here? I am checking on you! I called you a hundred times for Christ Sake! I thought something happened."

"Well nothing happened. As you can see, I am fine." I said taking my hand to the door to open it, so he could leave.

"You have got some nerve!" He exclaimed.

"No, you have some nerve. Didn't I say I wanted distance?" I said leaving what I was doing behind. "Didn't I say I didn't want to talk to you?"

"I was worried!" He was on the verge of yelling.

"Well, don't be."

"Fuck..." He cursed clenching his jaw.

"What was the part of everything I have told you that you didn't understand?" I asked him rather calm. "This isn't me against you now... this is me just trying to take care of myself. Put some order in my head and in my heart."

"If you haven't left me you didn't have to go through all this. We didn't have to go through all this." He told me.

"It would be the same thing. We wouldn't survive because the moment I'd tell you I was pregnant, you'd still ask me to abort and I'd still wouldn't do it. So, we wouldn't survive, it would be the same thing. Now do you want me to tell you that I fucked up? I fucked up ok..."

"I fucked up are not the right words!" He said. "How about I am sorry James?"

"Is that what you want to hear?" I asked giving a step towards him.

Then I brought my face close to his, too close for my own safety and close enough to make my heart speed. James's chest jumped a little at my move but he didn't stray nor did his eyes left mine. He defied me. He stared at me like a wolf preparing his prey for the attack.