A Hole in One's Village [Kakashi Hatake]

Chapter 10: Out of Character

---------------Kakashi's POV---------------

I fell down into my chair, legs unable to hold my weight, head in my hands.

The door was half open with a large crack snaking down its center from when she had slammed it shut behind her.

What the hell just happened, I thought over and over and over again.

What the actual hell. I was sure that things were going to so great, that things were, well, perfect.

I had thought that Ana was on the same page. Apparently not.

Was this my fault?

At least partially, I knew.

Ana had felt that I had greatly invaded her privacy, something very important to the both of us. Part of me had known when I'd talked to Hokomaru and Tsunade that Ana would not be pleased, but I'd foolishly thought that I once I had a chance to explain why I'd done it (I worried about her. That I loved her.) that she would understand and not be upset with me.

How very wrong I was.

How very selfish I had been.

And what I had said to her? I felt a ripple of shame.

I still did not think that anything which I had stated was incorrect, per say, but that did not mean that I had to fling it at her in a hurtful and insensitive manner.

I wanted to chase after her, to run all the way to the Land of Wind, but I was the Hokage now. I could not leave, and even if did, I would not be able to find her. It would take me three days to get there, and by that time, Ana could be anywhere in the Land of Wind.

Damn it!

I could not stay in that office any longer. A void was beginning to open beneath me, one I had not seen since before the war. That vast emptiness and fear.

Ana was right, in some ways, that I was afraid of making things too real, of getting too attached, and that just made it worse.

For the first time ever, I resented how well she knew me. No one else would have been able to set me so off balance with just a few sentences.

As I stood and pushed in my chair, someone cleared their throat in the doorway.

My mask was back over my nose before I could even think it.

Freezing, I glanced over to see Shizune standing there. I had been so distracted that I hadn't noticed her presence, even though she wasn't doing anything to try and hide it.

"Lord Hokage-"

"Just Kakashi," I interrupted, aware that I was being a bit rude.

Shizune froze, and her too shrewd eyes took in my appearance and the crack in the door with a sad little smile. She must have seen my face before I noticed her, I realized with a twinge of disgust, and the emotional turmoil that surely had been written there.

"Kakashi," she corrected herself and stepped into the room. "I came here because Tsunade wanted to be sure that as the Hokage your shots were all up to date and Sakura was unwilling to deal with your 'aversion to health' today. But, I can always come back another time if you need."

"No, no," I waved her in, "now is as good a time as any. Close the door behind you." I immediately winced at the stupidity of my order.

Shizune stared at the broken door for several long seconds before gingerly moving it a position somewhat resembling sealed.

Carefully monitoring my mood out of the corner of her eye (apparently dealing with an emotionally unstable Hokage was second nature to her now), she placed her medical kit on the desk.