DEAR JAMES | james potter

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Dear James,

I guess this is it.

I didn't take them today. Once I go to sleep, I'll never wake up.

And so, I'll say everything that I want to say here.

If you haven't already caught on, I have a disease, a deadly one. I have a blood malediction. I've known it for a while now. Since that time when I passed out in Potions. I know I told you that I was just really tired and my potion made me pass out but I lied.

And I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry for putting you through this. You should have never needed to go though such pain if I hadn't stood in your way. 

I'm so so sorry, James.

Please forgive me, Jamesie. (Yes, this nickname again. Don't hate me, I know you love it Jamesie-poo)

I feel so selfish for this but, please don't forget me and all the things we did. The happy things.

Remember me.

Because I'll remember you.

I won't forget the time in first year when I tipped a whole bottle of bubbles into Malfoy's drink and you asked me to be your friend.

I won't forget our first prank together, where we redecorated the Great Hall. (I had never seen so much pink in a room.)

I won't forget our first Christmas together. When we dared each other to jump into the fireplace. (Thank heavens for Remus or we wouldn't be here.)

I won't forget when the four of you told me about Remus and how I spent hours asking Remus all about his 'furry little problem'.

I won't forget how you, Sirius, and Peter were forced to study. And I won't forget it especially because you got Remus and I kicked out for life and we couldn't go into the library without permission from McGonagall.

I won't forget how you pinned for Lily Evan from year 2-4 and how you got over her with me, 5 ice-cream pints, and a movie marathon.

I won't forget the first time we went to the movie theatres and you threw popcorn at the screen and screamed, "You bloody hypocrite!" during the advertisements.

I won't forget that time when Sirius accidentally threw Jello at you and the whole school had a food fight. And how a pie-covered McGonagall tried to stop it before Dumbledore said, "As headmaster of this school, I think it is only right that we should all continue."

And most importantly, I will never forget,

   that time in fifth year when you asked me out for the first time and I spat my pumpkin juice in your face.

   when we had our first date by the black lake.

  when you and Sirius flirted with Slughorn so that you could be my partner in potions.

   that time in Charms when you "accidentally" levitated Flitwick because he exposed my horrible marks to the whole class.

   and in Herbology when you tried to take Peter's earmuffs off and you received months of detention but still claimed that for the look on his face, it was worth it.

   especially when you and I sneaked into the Astronomy tower and we spent hours there.

   and when I had planned a whole day for you to experience a carnival only for it to start raining.

   also, Zappy. Thank you for getting Zappy the Husky for me. I'm hugging him right now and he's all filled with my tears. (Sorry not sorry.)

   and your favourite (or so you've claimed) date: when we went to a themed park and we went on every single ride there and we stayed on the Ferris Wheel for hours.

And so many more fun times we had together.

For that, I thank you.

I thank you for always being so kind and caring and at the same time, goofy and dramatic. You never fail to make me laugh. I swear James, you'll be the death of me.

It's getting a bit hard to breathe now. (Maybe I shouldn't have said that.)

It hurts to know that I'll never see you again, James Potter.

And once again, I'm sorry that I hurt you.

But I hope that me leaving you made it easier for you to move on from my death. If it didn't, then curse me for being a fool. A stupid fool.

If it didn't, then here I am telling you:

Move on, James Potter.

Remember the happy times we had together, but move on.

I'm telling you James, do not hold on to me for too long. It's not healthy.

Don't close yourself up. Let Sirius, Remus, and Peter help you.

And most importantly, I won't mind if you find someone else. You deserve to be happy James.

Find someone that will make you happy again.

Find someone who can give you the family you always wanted.

Find someone who you will love and cherish.

Find someone who will love you as much as I did.

I hope you remember what a Patronus is. Mine's a Husky. And I don't know about you but when I cast my Patronus, I think about the time me, you, Pads, Moony, and Wormy spent Christmas at your place and we bought ugly sweaters for each other and we swapped them. Then, we spent the rest of the day drinking hot chocolate while planning pranks.

Stay safe, James Potter.

I love you.

Goodbye,
Sabrina Deverell